Saturday, December 31, 2005 

Miss Independent

I went out tonight and struck out. I knew that the campus bars would be pretty deserted tonight since most of the college kids are out for break. However, I wanted to see what was out there and see if I could get lucky.

I got all fresh and clean and went out to one bar. The Post is a typical college bar, but I had previously had success at the same bar in Detroit. The bar was pretty much empty. If you thought all ND guys looked alike, you should come to the MSU campus. All of the guys look like dumb frat boys. I knew I wasn't looking for quality tonight, but even I have standards sometimes.

I chatted with the female bar tender for a while. She was nice and peppy so I tipped her well. She introduced me to four guys in a group who came up to buy a drink. The token black guy of the group decided to chat with me. Maybe it's me, but I'm pretty much a snob to people who I meet in a bar. I feel that they have to put in work to get to know me. First off, Scott lost points by not offering to buy me a drink. If we're in a bar situation and you want to get to know me/sleep with me, the first thing you need to do is buy me a drink. I don't even want to know your name first. Buying me a drink proves to me that you're not unwilling to spend your money on me.

Next Scott asked me what I did for a living. I told him that I work in __________. I didn't give him my exact job title, but the industry I'm in. He wasn't satisfied and practically begged me to tell him. I told him that I like to stay a bit conspicuous about what I do. Unfortunately, Scott didn't know what that word meant. So, I asked him to introduce me to his friends.

His friends were nice. Older white guys. One of them asked me my age and I lied. I told him I was much older than I am. Because I like to lie. He wanted me to guess his age. I guessed 24. Then he took off his hat to show me he was pretty much completely blad! Turns out he was 35. Now, if you know me, 35 is totally in my age range. However, I was shocked by the deception I just witnessed. Friend #2 looked like an O.K. guy with his hat on. However, he didn't look so hot without the hat. And you know I have low standards. I will totally date a bald guy. Just not one that looks pretty ok with a hat, but not so ok without said hat.

So Scott and his friends leave the bar area to mingle. I caught Scott talking with some blonde chick. I didn't really care. He and his friends really weren't my type, even for a hookup.

At last call, Scott decided to visit me again at the bar. He asked me how he could find out more about me. I gave the obvious response. Ask me questions. I told Scott that he only asked me one question, and that was about my job. There was obviously more to me than my job, and if he wanted to discover that, he could ask me more questions. I told him that so far his questions were elementary and I didn't have time for him. He was reallly perplexed. He then asked me for my number. I gave it to him. Whatever, it's not like I expect him to call me.

So I came home defeated. So, naturally, I went to my standby method of picking up men. We'll see how that pans out for me. Currently I have a date set to 'watch a movie'. If it's any good, I'll let you know about it!

Thursday, December 29, 2005 

What I did over Christmas Vacation

I haven’t blogged about my Christmas yet. My apologies. The best way to do this is day by day. So let us begin:

Thursday, December 22, 2005

I left for Texas today! Yay. I got up at 4:30 a.m. to catch my 6 AM flight. First I flew from Lansing to Atlanta. When I boarded the plane, I saw that I was sitting a row in front of a small child. I thought that God was punishing me for something I did, or something I was about to do in the near future. However, it wasn’t that child that made my flight unpleasant. I put on my headphones and closed my eyes as we took off for Atlanta. All of a sudden, I smelled a weird cheesy smell. It smelled like someone had opened a package of cheese crackers. I’m not too fond of people who eat on planes. If the peanuts they give you can’t tide you over, maybe you shouldn’t be eating in the first place! I took off my headphones and looked around to glare at the person eating such a smelly food on the small, regional jet. To my horror, I looked upon a teenaged boy one row across and one row behind me throwing up on the floor of the aircraft. Nice. I didn’t eat again the entire trip.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Yay! I’m back in Texas. Daddy and I hit up the outlet mall to do some shopping. I’m still trying to stockpile my house with necessities for The Best Damn Party of 2006. So we hit up JC Penny’s for some quilts, towels, curtains, and such. I wore a slick track suit and was burning up. Because I forgot. Nothing says Merry Christmas in Texas like 78 degree weather. It was so so nice!

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Daddy Kiki and I chilled today. He worked on his model airplane while I laid out in the yard and read a book. That’s right, kiddos. I LAID OUT in the warm Texas sunshine and read. It was magnificent.

After some fun in the sun, Daddy Kiki and I hit up
Fiesta, the Mexican food store. I planned on making some authentic Mexican molé to accompany the Christmas turkey, and I had to get some authentic ingredients. What I love about Texas is its diversity. You’d expect the Mexican food mart to be full of Mexicans on Christmas Eve. Although there were a majority of Mexicans, there were also black folk, Asians, and whites all shopping for the traditional Christmas tamales.

Later on that night Daddy Kiki and I prepared to make molé to accompany the Christmas turkey. It was fun starting out and the whole house smelled of roasted chili seeds and fried chili peppers. Three hours later I was tired, red with chili paste, and done! I had had enough of making authentic molé! But Daddy Kiki and I stuck it out together and we made a terrific molé for the turkey. Success! We celebrated by watching

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Christmas! Presents! Food! Sleep!

Monday, December 26, 2005

I went to the eye doctor for the first time in a couple of years. Being young and single and successful is all good, but it sucks not to have certain insurance. Namely eye and dental. So, as one of Daddy Kiki’s gifts to me, I got an eye exam and a box of contacts. In the whole scheme of things, to me, it was more valuable than an iPod (which I didn’t get!). The Dr. is a fraternity brother of my dad’s so I got hooked up with a full exam for an extremely reasonable price. Plus, the Dr. discovered I have an eye problem. Apparently when the tears are forming, they get clogged up in the ducts and become thick and I can’t secrete tears. I think it’s fun that I can’t cry. The Dr. was even upset that the problem wasn’t more serious. I guess he wanted to charge me more for an expensive procedure! Sucka didn’t know I don’t cry because I have no soul!

The annual father/daughter fight. I’m not sure what the fight was about this time, but there was one. I remember going to bed at 3P and not eating anything all day. I’m not sure how me not eating anything was punishing my father, but I do like to be dramatic. I didn’t leave my room till 10 AM the next day.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

I was over my tantrum, so Daddy Kiki and I headed to the local college to pick up my book for my grad course. One semester complete, 47 more hours to go! Then we ventured to
Smoothie King. I love this place. If I could drink smoothies all the time instead of eating solid food, I’d be set!

Then it was more hanging out and eating. We ended the night watching
Mr. & Mrs. Smith.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Back to Lansing I go. However, I was delayed for an hour coming from Texas. Then they asked for volunteers to give up their seat on my flight from Cincinnati to Lansing. Of course I shoved old people out of the way to take advantage of that deal! I was to get a $400 voucher, hotel pass, and 2 meal cards (which I enquired if they could be traded for liquor…apparently they can!). I called Teresa to find out if she could pick me up from the airport. Turns out Cincinnati and Columbus really aren’t that close! I planned on boozing it up in some airport hotel lounge and meeting some strangers. Imagine what great blog material I would have had. However, Delta came through and they told me I had to get on my flight. There was no need for volunteers.

So that leads me to today. I ordered wireless DSL for The Dungeon, so when people come to visit for The Best Damn Party of 2006, they can have wireless hookup. Cause I care like that.

The Serbian invited me to his place for NYE. We’ll see if his offer is still on the table. If so, I should have some great drunken stories for you then.

Go Irish!

P.S. Will there be a game watch in Lansing anywhere? I need to know where I can publicly get my drink and Irish on at the same time!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005 

Buh Bye

I'm off to Texas tomorrow at 5A so I'm leaving you with some entertainment. If anything fun happens, I may blog from home.

If you missed this clip from SNL this past weekend, you probably missed the best skit they've done in years! So here's my gift to you.


Monday, December 19, 2005 

I've Made A Huge Mistake!

Kids, I may have gotten myself into a bit of trouble.

Our Christmas party was last night. It was fun. I was less than amused that I had to leave my house on a Sunday AND shower, but I made up for it by looking hella hot. I’m sure most people were surprised because most of the time I look pretty plain at work. But tonight I was looking sexy. I was fully clothed, but I was working it. I told everyone that I was dressed up because I had a date afterwards. Well, if you consider going home and climbing into bed at 10P a date, then yes, I had a date!

So anyway, I end up talking to a chica at the party. Krista’s real nice and we start talking about relationships. I told her that the reason I date older men is because I’m selfish and impatient. Basically, most people marry to share experiences. They think it’s fun to save for their first house together and struggle together. Not me. I’m an instant gratification person. I want a man who comes with everything. The total package. Batteries included. No assembly required. So Krista mentioned that she had a friend for me she wanted me to meet. First let me describe him and then I’ll tell you why I will destroy this man.

Justin (actually I don’t remember the guy’s name, but I figure this name will do) just got a divorce from his wife. He was upset that she was away so much. He’s some kind of computer guy and he’s written a couple of books. Krista said that although he’s 100 year old, he’s looking to reconnect with a pure woman. In getting information about me to pass along to Justin, Krista asked if I’ve been with more than five men. I looked at her and said, “I’m in my 20s. Nowadays there are teenagers who have been with more than five men!” Apparently Justin wants to find a woman who hasn’t been with more than five men. Krista then looked at my face and saw all the makeup I was wearing. I have to admit that I usually don’t wear makeup. In fact, I’m not wearing makeup right now. However, I was looking hot last night and had some blazing whorish red lipstick on. Krista remarked that Justin doesn’t like it when women wear makeup either. However, Krista was impressed by my maturity and background, and she was sure that Justin and I would hit it off. The last woman Justin dated was Asian. Apparently Justin doesn’t like to show affection (this includes making out) so the Asian chick left him and married another dude within three months.

Now let me explain why this isn’t going to work. I will destroy this man! I was getting pretty uncomfortable because Krista was so excited about the hookup knowing that we would be lying and deceiving this poor man. I told her straight up not to build me up because I would probably be a disappointment to this man. If you know me well you know that what I’m looking for in a man is a good hot expensive meal, plenty of booze, a ‘good night’, and for him to leave before the sun comes out. I will destroy this man with my selfishness, my self-centeredness, and my general dislike of children. However, I will agree to go out with this man because I care for you, dear reader, and I feel my experience with him, however brief, will make some quality blogging material!


What does it All Mean?

I had a funky dream last night. I dreamed that I was at some guy’s house. We left his house and went to another house where there were a bunch of shady men. They were arguing with the guy I was with. I think the argument was over money that was owed to the shady men. During the altercation, the guy I was with was very calm, but I was getting a bit frightened. I left the house with another girl and went to my car. As I was approaching my car and unlocking it, I heard this old clunker car coming up fast behind me. I was pretty scared at this point and I jumped in my car, locked the doors and ducked down just as my car was being sprayed with bullets! None of the initial bullets hit me, but went through the drivers side window of the car. At this point I started my car while I was still ducked down and I heard the clunker car make its way back up the street where it showered the car again with bullets. This time the bullets went through the drivers side door and a few hit me in the arm. I wasn’t bleeding though. I turned my car around, sat up, and drove away. The remainder of my dream was spent with me driving up and down the streets of the suburbs of Detroit where I used to live, trying to find a place that could fix the bullet holes in my car. Oh, and the car I was driving was a baby blue BMW Z4.

I’m not sure why I had that dream. The only TV I watched last night was Nip/Tuck and I haven’t seen anything violent on TV lately, so I’m not sure where this dream came from. And to top it off, I had a dream last week that I witnessed a plane crash right in front of me. This didn’t make Daddy Kiki too happy as I am riding in a puddle jumper plane when I fly to Texas this week.

Well, let’s just hope that I’m not sprayed with bullets anytime soon!

Saturday, December 17, 2005 

I can't think of a relevant title right now

Today was a good day.

I got my hair done this morning. Went to the mall and did a little shopping. Then stopped by the restaurant in the mall and did some drinking. This led me to do some calling, where I ended up at The Serbian's house.

We actually had a very nice time. We sat around drinking wine and listening to music. He invited me out for New Years. I was pretty grateful seeing that my only other option was a drunkfest with Old Man. I told The Serbian that I hadn't been in touch because I was dating someone, but now that I'm back on the scene, I'm ready to party with him. He suggested I find some fresh meat on MSU's campus and break in some college boys since I'm so bored in Lanisng all the time. I told him I'd give it some thought.

So we listened to some music and drank some more wine. He just came back from a trip the night before and he showed me some pictures of the place he stayed at as well as his boat. Yeah. His boat. And the new cars that he bought. Because he's a boy and he likes to buy things like cars and boats. Why am I not dating this man?! I reciprocated by showing him less impressive pictures I had in my phone. We came upon the picture of ADD Tim. Turns out The Serbian and ADD Tim know each other. And it seems that The Serbian isn't a big fan of ADD Tim. Currently, The Serbian knows I'm connected to ADD Tim, but ADD Tim doesn't realize that I know The Serbian. I'm trying to figure out how I can use this conflict and confusion to my advantage...

I also worked overtime to get some info on the parties going on for The Best Damn Party of 2006. The Serbian let me know that he was hosting a couple of promising parties and invited me along for them. See kids, I'm looking out for you!

So now it's 8P on a Sat night and I'm trying to decide what to do. Part of me wants to go out and get me a college boy. However, I'm talking myself out of it b/c I just got my hair done this afternoon and I'm not interested in it smelling like cigarette smoke for the rest of the week. Plus, I have yet to 'christen' the new bed, and it's not gonna be with some STD infested college kid. Now if it's an STD infested millionaire...I may have to consider that. I have put in a call to the weird Massage Guy to see if he wants to come over and give me a massage, but he's acting a lil too needy for my taste so I'm thinking he won't get an invitation either.

And most importantly, I don't want to shave. That's the only way I kept The Serbian off me this afternoon. It really is that scary kids. It really is.

Friday, December 16, 2005 

Screw the Competition to Death

I talked to Daddy Kipper today. I discussed my new years plans. I'm thinking of calling up Old Man and having him take me to dinner and such. Daddy Kipper suggested that I tell Old Man I'm gonna do all sorts of freaky things to him or even 'entertain' him until he has a heart attack. I told DK that I don't want to be that girl. But DK always looks at the positive. He said that if I was known as that girl, I'd be famous all over Lansing and I might just be able to drum up some new business. And our new company motto:

We Screw the Competition to Death


A Day in the Life: Conversations with Rican

Rican: I made up my own words too
Rican: you know a whigger is a white person that acts black
Rican: well what do you call a black person that acts white?
Miss Kiki: Oreo?
Rican: a bonkie
Miss Kiki: lol
Miss Kiki: I get it!
Rican: LOL
Rican: it’s great
Rican: people don’t even know you are insulting them
Rican: you can talk about them right in front of them
Miss Kiki: I like bonkie
Miss Kiki: I will now use it. Thank you for that word!
Rican: its MINE
Rican: lol
Miss Kiki: I’ll credit you when using it!
Rican: and I have now started a trend
Rican: I used to describe a few law students
Rican: lol
Rican: could have used it at ND
Rican: where the real bonkies at
Miss Kiki: and when I use it in written from, I will include a (c) sign and reference you at the end of the written work
Rican: lol great... I get the feeling I will be making an appearance on your blog!
Rican: coming to a blog near you
Miss Kiki: oh, this is def going as a blog entry


I hate people who are younger than the legal drinking age. Yeah, I said it!

Hi Kids. I’ve had a very busy/stressful week this week. But it’s pretty much over and I can relax. 5 more days till I’m back in Texas.

So, what was I doing this week?

Well on one night was spent taking care of the drunk girl at the bar because no one else would! It started innocently enough. I went to the bar with a few people I know. While we were there we ran into this girl who we all had met before but really wasn’t friends with. She arrived at the bar about the same time that we did, but somehow, in the two hours we were there, she managed to drink the bar dry. She was gone. Being the responsible 20something that I am, I instructed her to drink a lot of water and grabbed some aspirin out of my purse and had her take it. I then led her to some of the comfy couches in the bar where she fell asleep. So one of the guys I was with thought it would be best if I take her home. Because I guess I’m a taxi cab as well. It was kinda weird because I really don’t know the drunk girl all that well. I mean, I’ve seen her around but I don’t know much about her.

Then last night I had to work with a bunch of teenagers. Ok. I don’t know if this is like racism or something, but I’m gonna just come out and say it: I don’t like people who are younger than the legal drinking age. I think I’m an ageist. There I said it. Hanging out with those teens made me so glad I’m not in high school anymore. Not that I didn’t like HS, I actually did. But HS kids think everything is the end of the world. There’s a quest to always look good and be popular. Hell, if I make it to work having showered and on time, that’s a major accomplishment that I’ll blog about! I remember when I was in HS I wouldn’t leave the house without making sure my hair was in order and my clothes were neat. Now, I wear sweats, a do-rag and my glasses out to the store. Because I just don’t care.

But I did actually look cute last night. And since I was in charge of the event we had, I felt in control and powerful. There were also some college aged kids at the function too, so I hung out with them a while. While working, I buddied up to the quiet cutie with the scruffy facial hair. He really was hot. A bit on the short side, but he seemed quiet and confident and I responded to that. I majorly flirted with him and he asked me to guess his age. He looked about 25 but turns out he was 29. And although I have a strict rule about not dating people under 30, I was willing to make an exception for him. Until one of the girls told me he looks so young b/c his new baby daughter keeps him looking young. Damn! I was crushed. Of course the one decent looking, has all his teeth with a good job man I find in this city is married with a kid. (Yes I realize you can have a kid and not be married, but I asked and he told me he was!)

So that was a part of my hectic week. I’m sure I’ll have more stories to tell as next week rolls around. I’m contemplating going to Detroit to see ADD Tim tonight. However, that would mean that I would have to shave my legs. And I’ve been on a pretty good streak. So let’s play a game. How long has it been since I’ve shaved my legs?

Tuesday, December 13, 2005 

Broke by Brokeback

I had my weekend planned. Hair appointment on Sat morning. Brokeback Mountain after that, and some shopping for clothes for the Best Damn Party of 2006. However I was heartbroken to find out that Brokeback is not being played in Detroit. It's playing at 4 theatres in my hometown back in Texas of all places (cause we're real tolerant of mixing of the gay lifestyle with the cowboy lifestyle), but not in one theatre in Detroit. Why are people preventing me from seeing Heath and Jake get it on? I don't understand!

This has been a pretty stressful week for me. It's the last full week I'm at work before I go back to Texas and there are tons of things to do. We had an interview the other day and I was so unfocused all I could imagine was the applicant sounding like the teacher from the Peanuts cartoons. So I closed myself in my office and cranked up some country music and got a lot of work done. I think that as long as people leave me to my own strange devices this week, it's the only way we can all survive together.

So, what movie should I see this weekend since I can't see the Oscar darling, Brokeback.

Monday, December 12, 2005 

Maybe I'm Just a Snob

There's nothing that irks me more than bad spelling and grammar. Don't get me wrong. I'm no grammar wiz. When I type, I sometimes transpose letters and a few people swear I can't read. That's not what gets to me. It's the folks who use 'to' instead of 'too,' or 'no' instead of 'know.'

I'm talking to a guy right now and his grammar and spelling are atrocious (that word may very well be misspelled). Not only does he not use the correct forms of to and too, but he fails to use punctuation in ANY of his correspondence. Now, normal Kiki really wants to point out how much of an idiot he is, but let's face it, I'm in Lansing, Michigan. If I started rejecting the men with lack of basic english skills, all I'd be left with are the women. The toothless, unattractive women. Hmm, maybe I shouldn't have said that. I feel the warmth of hell already.

Anyway, I haven't said anything about it because it's just correspondence (also probably misspelled) and it's nice to have people to pay attention to me. Wow. Don't tell me I've sunk that low. I need to get to a major city for some change of scenery stat! Good thing I'll be going home soon!

Edited: Wow. I just read that post. It was pretty mean spirited. A part of me feels bad for writing it. But I just drowned that part of me in Chianti, so all is good and I've decided to post it anyway! Enjoy!

Saturday, December 10, 2005 

I like the Snow

First let me apologize for that fuck up of a last post. I'm not sure what I was thinking. I should have probably been studying instead of blogging.

Anyway, the test went well this morning. There was one problem that I totally had never seen in my entire life. I put down a bunch of bullshit and threw in a few equataions that I rememebered. It would be a miracle if I got any partial credit.

So I've discovered that I like snow. I had some work to do around The Dungeon today. I shoveled snow! This is the first time in my existance that I've ever shoveled snow. The kid across the street usually does it for me, but I needed to do the sidewalk and the street leading directly into the driveway. Well I did that and let me tell you, I love shoveling snow! I got such a workout. I was hot and cold at the same time. After that I winterized the lawnmower and moved it to the basement. I'm trying to think of more activites to do outside. I may just resort to frolicking in the snow! Cause that sounds like a lot of fun too.

Friday, December 09, 2005 


I don't know what it is about me. I like to shelve things a save them for later. Then take them out when it's convenient for me. I notice that I did things like this when I was a kid, and I still do it now. When I was little, I would always save a piece of candy, so something I loved because I wanted to have it later when I forgot about it. For some reason I had a can of Dr. Pepper in my room that I saved. It's not like we didn't have a copious supply of Dr. Pepper in my house growing up. I mean, it's like the official drink of Texas (after whiskey). But for some reason, I held on to one can of Dr. Pepper in my room just in case.

I do that with guys too. I like to hold on to them...just in case. Just in case I need a place to crash in Detroit. Just in case I need someone with a truck to haul something for me. Just in case I need someone to move me from campus to my first apartment. Just in case I have a, well, you know...a need.

So tonight I'm reading blogs and listening to Avenue Q. Something else I put on a shelf and brought out tonight. I haven't listened to it in over a year. I should be studying for my test that I'm taking tomorrow, but that's not as fun as singing at the top of your lungs to showtunes.


Won't be scaling this Mountain anytime soon

Well I won't be seeing Brokeback Mountain anytime soon in the greater Mason area. I really shouldn't be surprised. Mason is the town that likes to auction KKK paraphanilia.

Daddy Kipper thinks the heteros aren't smart. Cause if they were, they'd wait outside the movie theatre and shoot all the homos (and homo lovers like myself) who go to see the movie. I told him that unfortunately, us heteros aren't that crafty.

I will prevail though. Cause nothing's gonna stop me from seeing some Jake on Heath action. Maybe I'll see it when I'm in Detroit next weekend.


The Pomegranate

I bought a pomegranate last night. I remember learning abtou them in Latin when I was in High School and I used to eat about one per year. Of course, whne I ate them at home, Daddy Kiki would always cut them open and fix them in a bowl for me to eat. Because he's an enabeler like that. Wanting to relive my childhood, I took my pomegranate home last night and tried to prepare it. The thing is so time consuming to eat. I still can't believe Persephone had the time and energy to eat one of those bastards, sealing her fate in Hades.

But I prepared the pomegrante, put all the seeds in a bowl, and ate it. And it was good. And that's my story.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005 

Happy Holidays

See, good can come from the holidays after all!

Monday, December 05, 2005 

Sleepless Night

I had a pretty sleepless night last night. It was 27 degrees outside last night. So, why do people think it's accepatble to leave their animals outside in the cold? Sometimes without shelter? This dog howled and howled all night long! And it wasn't one of those 'howl at the moon' or 'howl at the fire sirens' howl. It was a sad, long, cold howl. I tried looking out the window to see exactly where the sound was coming from, but I coulnd' t make out which house the dog belonged to. Becuase I wanted to go over and beat his owners face in with a baseball bat.

Fortunately I have a stash of ear plugs from my stints at the NASCAR racetrack, so they helped drown out the noise.

People. If you're going to have pets, make sure you take care of them. Or you're gonna get a visit from me in the middle of the night with my baseball bat!

This has been a public service announcement from Kiki.

Sunday, December 04, 2005 


Yesterday I went to Schuler Books to pick up some reading material. Since you all know I can't read, I was really looking for coloring books and magazines. Anyway, I knew that I wanted to buy the book, Democracy Matters by Cornel West. For those of you who don't know, Cornel West is a very contraversial professor at Princeton who talks a lot about race in America. I also picked up the complete works of Edgar Allen Poe from the bargin bin. Anyway, I go to check out, and the lady at the counter looks at the West book and states, "You've got to be kidding me!" She then looked up at me where I was giving her one of my trademark snarls, blushed, and said, "Oh, I should have probably kept that to myself." She continued to blather on, and I gave her an awful stare and said, "I just need to be checked out. Nothing more."

I felt pretty offended that a bookstore clerk would dare judge me based upon my reading choices. What if I had bought So you're a lesbian! 15 Ways to Pleasure Your Lover in Bed (I made up that title)? Would she have thought I was a dirty LEZ if I bought that book?

Not satisfied, I returned to the bookstore this afternoon. To my delight, Ms. Ignorant was working the cashier counter again. I asked her to call the manager up. She did. Double icing on the cake? The manager was black! I explained to him why I was returning both of my purchased and that I would never buy anything from his store again. Although B&N is a bitof a trek from my house, I was more willing to travel the extra distance so I wouldn't be judged on my reading selections. I could tell the manager was less than pleased. Ms. Ignorant tried to explain herself but both the manager and I just ignored her.

I went to B&N later today and bought my book. Although what she did was dumb and I'm sure she's much too old to really learn from her blunder, I'm just glad that I got to ruin her day. Twice.

Saturday, December 03, 2005 

A Brief Description of FLA and More adventures with The Shiny Couple

First some background: I met FLA about a year ago. He's some type of traveling salesman. I really don't know what he does because I really don't care. Last year he took me out to dinner twice. The first time nothing happened. Then he called and said he really wanted to see me again. I didn't go grocery shopping, so I felt it was a good idea. He took me to dinner and came back to my place. He tried to be sexy and suave, but I wasn't feeling it. I was full of expensive food and wine and I kicked him out. I was surprised to hear from him again.

Now, another installment in...

The Amazing Adventures of Kiki & The Shiny Couple

Mrs. Dr. called me last night. She and a friend were having drinks and she wanted me to join them. I was surprised. I got dressed and headed out. Mrs. Dr.'s friend was a hoot. Let's call her BJ. BJ worked with Mrs. Dr. and they'd been friends for a while. I kinda felt out of the converstation for a while because they talked about co-workers and such. Then BJ started talking about the frequency in which she gives her husband blow jobs (see how I got that nickname?). She said that she's really not into giving them and when she does she doesn't swallow. I'm so glad that this woman I met less than an hour ago is giving me such details. After talking sex for a while, I casually mention that I'm on the market, and if they know any single Dr.'s (notice I didn't say cute. Cause really, I can date an ugly Dr. We can just buy plastic surgery down the road). They mentioned a couple of Dr.s they thought were cute. At least I've planted it in their brain. I didn't think Mrs. Dr. would call me to go out, but I discovered she's a very sweet person.

So from our drink spot we went around the corner to meet up with Mr. Dr. and BJ's husband. I wasn't really having a good time, but I was glad that I had been included, so I decided to stick it out. I didn't drink much because I didn't want to be drunk two nights in a row. I know. It's not logical thinking at all. There was another single guy with our group. He was ok looking. A drug rep (hold on, I just had a tiny orgasm). I played it cool with him. If I play my cards right and stay on good terms with The Shiny Couple, I'm sure I'll run into him and his beautiful legal drugs again.

And to top it off, I'm talking to Smitty, Hot Bod, and ADD Tim again. Yes, I know that I should have learned my lesson. I shouldn't be digging up past lovers. But I'm gonna be smarter this time. Krazy Kiki is back. She's hot, she's skinny, she's rude, she doesn't really care about your feelings, and she'll do anything for a hot (expensive) meal and some liquor. And if you're real good, she'll even let you liqu-or too!

Damn it's good to be back!


Oh yeah, Krazy Kiki's Back!

So apparently in Kiki's world hiatus = one day. Just stop your complaining and enjoy the story!

First off, thanks to all who cared that I was dead. MB, Daddy Kipper, and Roomie. Big ups to Daddy Kipper who was willing to take over The Dungeon upon my death. I hope you would have turned it into a brothel and paid the mortgage with the money little gay boys made turning tricks. It was my only wish.

Ok, now on to the good stuff! The cause of my brief death: The Cop left me.

Wow! It's taken me a week to finally say it without wanting to hurl heavy blunt objects and peoples' heads. For those of you who don't know the full story, this isn't the first time The Cop has just disappeared on me. We dated in June of last year and one day he just didn't call. I was devastated because we hadn't had a fight and there were no warning signs. I cried, I didn't eat (not that that's a bad thing!), and I was just shitty for a while. Well, the last time I talked to The Cop was the Friday after Thanksgiving. Again, no fight. I guess the warning signs could have been his family taking over his life. I was upset for a few days. Mostly because this time he lied. Before we got back together I asked him never to treat me that way again. And he did. I wasn't so upset that we weren't together. I was more upset that I fell for it again, and for another year I'd have no one for Christmas or New Years. Speaking of New Years, who wants to go to the Bowl game with me?

Well Kiki is sluttier and wiser now. So instead of letting The Cop get me down, I did something to make myself happy. FLA (he's new...there's been no introduction of him before) called me on Monday afternoon and told me he was gonna be in Ann Arbor and wanted to know if I wanted to have dinner with him. I abruptly told him that it wasn't a good time and hung up on him before he could repond. On Tuesday, FLA called again and told me that he had lost about 30 lbs and he really wanted to take me to dinner so he could show himself off. I told him that I wasn't sleeping with him (I never had in the past) and that as long as he just wanted to have dinner, I was game.

So, he drives from Ann Arbor to have dinner with me. I pick an expensive restaurant. I hadn't really discussed the breakup with anyone, so I decided I'd make FLA my shoulder to cry on. A Filet Mignon, two hot toddies, and a bottle of Pinot Grigio later I spilled my guts. No tears, but I just let it all out. Now remember children, Miss Kiki is much smarter than any man, so I knew exactly what I was doing. I had no desire to take FLA back to my place, so I let him talk himself up and think he was gonna get some rebound sex just so I could talk to an outside party about how shitty The Cop is. See. That's generosity. I know my friends get tired of hearing my sad cry stories, so I inflict them on strangers with money.

So, during our dinner, I was deeply distracted by gleaming diamonds on the rings of the couples sitting behind FLA. And, while waiting for FLA to get to the restaurant, I heard the waitress ask the Shiny Couple if they were doctors. They both were. I think we know where this is going.

So by dessert time, I happened to catch Mr. Dr.'s eye and smile. He smiled back and his wife kinda caught him. Well I struck up a conversation with both Dr.'s and kinda ignored FLA. They were great! Wifey and I talked about the only things important in life are being rich and skinny! She didn't want to admit that at first but I drew it out of her. Mr. Dr. and I chatted as well. We all left at the same time and they invited us to go to the bar around the corner. (Now of course, this story is a bit edited. We didn't so much end up at another bar. It was more like a club of sorts. That's all I'm saying. If you want the truth, call me and I'll tell you.) Somehow FLA wised up and realized that I wasn't taking him home, so he started flirting with some of the girls. I didn't mind. I was talking to two very shiny people!

While Mrs. Dr. was in the bathroom, Mr. Dr. asked for my number. I figured he was that type of guy. However, he didn't want my number just to hook up with me. He was really interested in seeing me and his wife together. Whatever. I gave both him and Mrs. Dr. my numbers and she said she'd call me. I didn't expect much. I left the bar, went home, and passed out. Not bad for a Tuesday night.

Friday, December 02, 2005 

Good News/Bad News

Good news: I get to return Christmas gifts which means more money in my pocket.

Bad news: Hmm, I guess there really isn't any bad news.

I'm going on a brief hiatus, kids. Don't worry. I'm sitting on a lot of good material and when I come back, there will be more Krazy Kiki stories to tell.

About me

  • I'm young, single, got a great ass, a serial dater, a sometimes drunk, addicted to the gym, liable to make fat girls cry, have a mild ED, think Notre Dame is the greatest college and Texas is the greatest state. Currently at a standstill since moving from Detroit Area, Michigan (tons of yuppies) to Mason, MI (noted KKK presence). Come be a part of my random, shocking, and exciting world.
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