Thursday, September 28, 2006 

Well, Hot Damn!

Well I done landed me a date! It was so funny. I was contemplating all day whether or not to call David. By the time I got back to work from lunch, I decided I would call him. I made one business call and just as I was hanging up my phone, my cell phone rang. (Now that I’m thinking about it, I must have emailed him from my personal account 4 months ago…because that’s the only way he could get my cell number).

Anywho, he was calling to invite me to lunch. He suggested a Mexican place but I refused saying Mexican food should be savored and not rushed over lunch. I was hinting that we should try the Mexican place for dinner. He wasn’t picking up what I was laying down, so he suggested a Cuban Sandwich place instead. Cool. He ended up talking for a while after that. Telephone conversations are very foreign to me. I really don’t like talking on the phone and I find it weird to have a phone conversation for over 3 minutes. He likes to talk a lot so I sat in my office ‘guest’ chair and listened. Then I saw that my desk needed dusting so I went on an expedition for a feather duster. I stopped listening to what he was saying. I was on a mission to clean.

So we solidified plans for the middle of next week. I’m kinda excited. I now have a reason to work out tonight ( I was so going to skip the gym).

On a somewhat related note, I went to the Dr. today for my annual checkup. I was at the gyno on Monday. I know you wanted to know that. Kooch health is important. Anyway, they weighed me at both places. Why did I weigh three pounds less at the gyno than at the Dr.? I was livid! The Dr. tried to tell me that I was within normal
BMI range. However, I’m on the high end of normal and that isn’t acceptable. In my mind I might as well be in the morbid obese category. So Kipper (my enabler) and I tried plugging in acceptable weights over IM to see how we could both get to the low end of normal. I was so discouraged that I just wanted to go home and watch The Office, Grey’s Anatomy, and sleep. But now that I have a date on the horizon, I will go to the gym. And I vow to be on the low end of ‘normal’ by Wednesday.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006 

This is More For Me Than You

Ok. I already know the first question. If this is more for me than you, why am I posting it on the internet? Not sure. Cause I'm vain and I like an audience?

I'm a part of this social networking group in town. We really don't do much. Sometimes we do volunteer activities. Most of the time we get together once a month and drink. I look forward to these meetings each month because I usually meet some new lansing young professional to hang out with. Every time I go to the meetings, I run into a guy. Let's call him David. He's very nice. Tall, awkward and goofy. He always gives me a hug and apologizes for not calling me to invite me to lunch. It's kinda a running joke between the two of us. When I first met him, I sent him the requisite email saying it was nice meeting him and I'm always available for lunch. The ball's been in his court for 4 months.

Last night I got to actually sit down and talk to David. When the meeting was over we decided to grab a bite to eat at the restaurant/bar we were at. Another girl joined us and then there were three. The other girl, let's call her Susan is a talker. She works in the local TV news industry and she's more self-centered than myself (shocking, I know!). The three of us had dinner and talked about everything from being black (Susan and I are black) to being women who are climbing the career ladder to our hobbies. I had pretty much written David off previously, but having dinner with him and Susan, I started to get to know him better. Not only is he nerdy awkward, but I also learned that he's Jewish, he was in a band in college, he's obsessed with music, he plays air guitar to Prince, and he did nude art modeling while in college. And although he's from the midwest, he's not from Michigan. He also listened. He listened more than he talked. He told me that behind my thick exterior I'm probably a very kind person and not the 'royal bitch' that I called myself earlier. It's sweet that he thinks that I'm kind. Because you and I both know that's a lie. (It's fun when people try to figure me out. There's a reason why I don't let people in.) And when he did talk, he had intersting things to say (unlike Susan who tried to relate every topic of conversation to her life). And there I was, sitting across from him and a bowl of hummus imagining what his O-face looked like and if he was any good in the sack.

So today I attended a Seminar for work that really had nothing to do with me. But someone else was paying for it, lunch was provided, and I was away from the office all day. I couldn't complain. I don't know how many of you out there have ever been on diet pills, but they make you really really focused and really really awake. I took 2 this morning. Since I didn't have to pay attention, I focused my eyes on the powerpoint and started daydreaming about David. I got through our first date, our first sexual encounter and what we'd get each other for Hanukkah/Christmas (I got him a very expensive tie as I didn't care for the tie he was wearing last night). It was nice. He may not be the hottest guy, but I can tell that he's fairly genuine and warm. And it was nice that we got a chance to talk and not drink. By the time we got to dinner, Susan was the only one drinking. Maybe that's what made her so talkative.

By the time the seminar was over, I was ready to get home to check my work email (we only exchanged cards, so he only has my work info). Naturally, I didn't get an email from him. I wasn't surprised. He is exhibiting a pattern of lack of follow through. That was probably about the time that the diet pills were wearing off. Cause I stopped thinking about where we'd spend our first vacation away and I started thinking about the events of the night before. On the one hand he did tell me I was pretty while we were chit chatting with a recent Masters recepient. But on the other hand I remember him telling this blonde girl (I'm so much cuter) that he would see her at home...

Normally I wouldn't give two shits about all of this. Kiki is a killer. If she wants something she gets it. But I'm kinda tired of being the cougar. I want a guy to chase me. Sigh. I don't know. Part of me tells me to just call him at work tomorrow and invite him out for coffee this weekend. Maybe I'll make the receptionist call him for me. I think I can handle the rejection from the receptionist more than I can yet another man.

Monday, September 25, 2006 

Another One Bites the Dust

I’m done with Fetsby. The beginning of the end is here and I’m taking an early out.

He took me to lunch yesterday. We were supposed to go to
Deluca’s but they were closed. Someone please tell me what restaurant in their right mind would be closed on a Sunday afternoon. That’s when all the church folk go out to eat! Anyway, instead of Deluca’s we went to a place called The Airport Tavern. I didn’t want to go at all but I tend not to argue when someone else is paying. Plus, I wasn’t hungry and the only reason I went was to have something to do.

Let’s talk aobut the restaurant first. Now I don’t eat much, considering how I’m kinda obsessed with how I look. However, when I do go out to eat, I like ot make it worth my time. I like to eat somewhere that’s really expensive or has an excellent menu of things I wouldn’t eat everyday. If I crave a burger, I usually don’t go to McDonalds. I’ll probably go to a diner or a tavern or somewhere that has great burgers. That’s just the way I am. So when I walked into Airport Tavern, I knew I wasn’t going to like it. It was dark and smokey. It was more like a bar than a restaurant. We both ordered the ‘Sizzler Steak’ which was on special for $7. You can imagine the quality of a $7 steak. When the food came out mine wasn’t cooked to my specifications. I didn’t want to take it back because I knew this was the kind of place that they probably did shit to your food if you asked to have it cooked more. Fetsby, on the other hand, cleaned his plate. And then asked if he could take my untouched steak home. Go for it. Now that I see the kind of quality of food that you’re willing to both pay for and eat, I can see a little more about you.

So, why am I done with him? Well, I really do think he’s either gay or bi-curious. And that’s no reason to dump a person. But I like to hang around people who are more sure of themselves. From my interactions with him, he seems to be curious, but he makes snide and stereotypical comments. And I can’t stand for that.

While eating I told him about the events of the weekend. About Kip and Dr. Wave’s visit. I started telling him about going to Spirals and getting harassed by the douche. I think my exact words were, ‘This fat queen kept bothering us.” Before I could go on he stopped me. “What do you mean by queen? Was he dressed in women’s clothes?” “No, queen is just a derogatory word I’m using for this guy because I didn’t like him. He was dressed like everyone else.” I continued with my story ending by saying that the three of us left because we thought the people there were unattractive. Fetsby still had questions. “So, where exactly is Spirals located? What do you mean by unattractive? Was it that they were poor?” How do you even being to answer a question like that? “No, I mean, I’m sure they thought they looked good. But you have to understand that the three of us are from big cities. We know what attractive people look like.” Fetsby couldn’t leave it alone. “So, why did you go to Spirals? Are your friends gay?” Wow! How observant! “Yes, they are.” “Oh. Would I be able to tell that they’re gay by talking to them?” “What do you mean?” By this time I was playing dumb. It was just like someone saying, ‘He’s so educated. He doesn’t even talk black.’ “Well, you know, does he talk like he’s gay?” At this point I had to put the conversation on shutdown quick. “I don’t know what you mean when you say talk gay. And yes, we went to a gay bar. Straight people go to gay bars just like gay people go to straight bar.” I said this as I looked him right in the eyes. If he’s not gay, he’s curious. And that’s ok. Just don’t be ignorant.

After he inhaled his food we went back to my place. Sundays are usually spent with me on the couch watching football. I don’t pay attention to every game and I usually fall asleep for an afternoon nap with football playing in the background. Just because Fetsby was there didn’t make a difference to me. As I was flipping for a game to watch he patted to couch and told me to come sit next to him. That’s his foreplay. Hot. I know. I settled on the Lions game. There were about 2 minutes left in the game and the Lions had a chance of at least tying the game. To show that I’m not a heartless bitch, I curled up on the couch next to him as I watched the game. That’s when he began talking. Sigh. DO NOT TALK DURING FOOTBALL UNLESS IT’S ABOUT FOOTBALL!!! He waited very impatiently as the Lions choked and lost the game. After the game was over I immediately switched to another game. This is when he became annoyed. “I haven’t seen you in a long time and I want to spend some time with you.” “Ok. Let’s spend some time watching football.” I know that most men out there would be stoked that their girl would actually rather spend an entire Sunday afternoon flipping from football game to football game. Hell, they’d probably be so excited they’d appease you by throwing in a little sex during halftimes! But not Fetsby. Knowing him he probably doesn’t even understand the game. So, he creepily stared at me as I stared at the TV. Then he said, “Well, I guess I should leave.” “Ok,” I said as I settled deeper into the couch. I didn’t even walk him to the door.

I’ve decided to no longer take his calls. He has no more value to me. I’ve already proven to myself that I can get jewelry from him without even sleeping with him. What more do I need?


Here’s to Being Single, Seeing Double, and Sleeping Triple

I can not begin to tell you how excited I was by Kipper and Dr. Wave’s visit. So, let’s get to it:

The boys arrived in Detroit on Friday night where I picked them up and we went to Troppo’s for dinner. We were going to stay home and watch Dateline: To Catch A Predator but decided against it. I really can’t get enough of that show! Anyway we each had 5 martinis for dinner and when my entrée arrived, I was so excited I gave it ‘jazz hands.’ However our waiter informed me that he had already given my food jazz hands. It was at that moment our suspicions were confirmed and he was indeed a big ‘Mo.

After dinner we went back home where we had some of the limoncello that the boys had made for me. And we waited for the cab to take us to Spirals. Although I called the cab the day before to reserve a pickup, they never showed and so I drove. No biggie. Spirals was nice inside. I had been there before with a friend when I first moved to town. Even after the 5 martinis we weren’t drunk so we ended up getting 3 rounds of shots and a beer each. While sitting at a table checking out the scenery, this awful man leaned into Kipper and asked for the time. Kipper politely showed the guy his watch and turned away to keep talking to us. I’m not real clear on what happened next. It was obvious this douche was into Kipper. I mean, who’s not? But Kipper’s with Dr. Wave (also a very attractive man) and we were just there to hang out. The next thing I know this guy says, “You know, I can go from nice to bitch in 2.5 seconds.” And he went there. Obviously Kipper and I had to put him in his place. Douche then kept blowing his ciggie smoke into our faces. In response we inhaled deeply and made orgasmic noises. Then we attacked his clothing, his hair and his weight (he was a fattie). Douche stood around for a few minutes later before he left. He might have been able to go from nice to bitch in 2.5 seconds, but we were able to destroy his soul and make him take up cutting in less time.

After Spirals we went to Rum Runners. There was a Rum Runners in South Bend that Kipper and I went to a couple times. Mainly because they served $.075 well drinks. I’m still not sure how they still have a liquor license. Anyway, Rum Runners was pretty empty but we were the life of the party. Even though we weren’t drunk, we were plenty obnoxious. We ordered 30 test tube shots of blowjobs, tequila sunrise, and dirty girlscouts. We sang to all the songs and Kipper tried to ask one of the unattractive waitresses when her baby was due (heh). I even tried to get random guys to take shots with me but they refused. I’m not sure who in their right mind turns down free shots. Apparently guys who live in Lansing.

When we got back home, none of us were drunk so we all went to bed.

On Saturday we lounged around. We went to Target to get the new Monopoly game and we played that while I grilled.

Big Daddy Taxi took us to campus at about 5 for the game. While walking to the Alumni Association tailgate, we were cursed out about 85 times. The MSU fans were really rude. There were three of us not making eye contact or saying anything to anyone else. We were repeatedly told, ‘Fuck You, Notre Dame.’ One guy even told us that Notre Dame was gay and that he shoved the entire football team up his ass and it came out the other end. We really wanted to pull this guy aside and talk to him for many reasons. 1) doesn’t the fact that he shoved a football team up his ass make him gay? 2) How many holes does he have going on down there that a football team was shoved up it and then exited out the other side. We were thoroughly confused.

We took a case of beer to the tailgate and proceeded to play ‘Screw the Dealer.’ Dr. Wave got really drunk. Kip and Kiki? Not so much.

Ok, fast forward to the game. We get to the stadium and to our seats. Kip was able to sneak in a soft cooler under his poncho and I was taking snacks from said poncho at the beginning of the game. The MSU fan behind us made a smart comment when Kipper turned around, looked him in the eyes and said, “I have a kidney problem.” The MSU fan felt bad and said sorry. Cut to 2 quarters later when said fan started making fun of Kipper and his ‘kidney problem’ because we were down. Classy.

We left the game a little early. It got to a point where we were afraid that someone was going to get into a fight. The fans were really rowdy and we needed to get out of there for our safety whether we won or lost. So we went back to The Dungeon, got three 40s and a case of Parrot Bay Wine Coolers and watched the Irish win from the safety of The Dungeon.

On Sunday I took the boys back to the airport. It was a good time. I was glad Kipper finally got to see The Dungeon and I had fun spending more time with Dr. Wave. It’s been an eventful day. More stories to come!

Edit: I also have to share my new cheer with you courtesy of KPutty:

(Sing to: If You're Happy and You Know It)
If you can't go to college, go to State
If you can't go to college, go to State
If you can't go to college, and you want a little knowledge
If you can't go to college, go to State

Thursday, September 21, 2006 

Goooo Irish! (GO IRISH!) Beeeaaattt Spartans! (Beat Spartans!)

This just arrived in my MSU mailbox. (Yes, I realize I'm a grad student there.) I like how I've never gotten such an email from ND. Why? Because you don't have to beg our student body to come to a game!

Fellow Students,
There's no need to discuss the importance of Saturday's
football game against Notre Dame. We're off to a great start this season, but we all know what's at stake this weekend. We've had a great week of preparation, and we are looking forward to the challenge of playing the 12th-ranked Irish on prime-time television. We need the full support of the student body Saturday night because the 12th man can be a difference maker. Please arrive early, make your presence known and have fun. Be loud and enthusiastic because we feed off your energy. You represent this university as much as the football team does, so please conduct yourself with class before, during and after the game. There will be a great deal of
regional and national media coverage for this game, so let's show everyone our Spartan Pride.

Go State! Beat the Irish!

Kyle Cook, David Herron Jr., Clifton Ryan & Drew Stanton
2006 Michigan State Football Captains

Translation: Don't riot and burn shit.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 

Jesus Camp

Ok. I guess I have to start by saying I grew up in an Evangelical Christian home. In fact I was baptized Missionary Baptist. That basically means that as a Christian I'm supposed to spread the word of God. I get that. However, this clip scared the shit outta me. Are these people kidding? I don't think any religion taken to the extremes is healthy. These people want to be the Christian extremists just like Jewish and Muslim extremist. Um, do they really think that's a good idea? I mean, really? There are so many things wrong with this that I can't begin to list them. See for yourself and leave comments if you dare.



"Asian Chicks like me because I'm so good in Math."
~One of my very hungover friends as we woke up last Sunday morning.

I can only imagine what will be said this weekend.

That is all.

Monday, September 18, 2006 

100 Questions

Memes: I stole this even though I wasn’t tagged. I’m kinda off the wall right now. So I need something to do.

1. What is the best way to get over someone?

With a lot of drinking and crying and calling of friends. After that you have to do something proactive with your life. Like volunteering or moving 100 miles away and finally starting your career.

2. What makeup do you wear on a daily basis?

I don’t wear make-up. Except when I go out. And then it’s usually just tinted lip gloss. It’s the blessing of having good skin.

3. Is your AIM away message on?

Nope. No one IMs anymore. We all have to work during the day. It’s sad.

4. If you could eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?

I’m not sure. My moods change so often. I do have a weakness for Mexican food tho.

5. What curse word do you use the most?

Holy Shit.

6. Do you own an iPod?

I do not. I have an MP3 player but not an iPod. I refuse to give into the hype. Well, not really. I’m just too poor to afford one.

7. Who on your MySpace Top 8 do you talk to the most?

Kipper then AJ

8. What time is your alarm clock set for?

7:08, 7:18, 7:27

9. Have you ever bid for anything on eBay?

Yep. I like bidding on eBay. I get exhilarated right before the auction closes and I see that I’m still the highest bidder. It’s a bit of a rush.

10. Do you wear flip-flops even when it's cold outside?

I do. Damn you Michigan.

11. Where do you buy your groceries from?

My favorite spot is Horrocks. But I only go there on the weekends because it’s kinda far out. I do like all their fresh farm foods and they have great prices. When I can’t go to Horrocks I usually hit up the Kroger down the street.

12. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?

I’d so rather be in a picture. I’m really photogenic and I’m also vain. So it’s a great match for me.

13. What was the last movie you watched?

Shopgirl with Steve Martin & Claire Danes

14. Do any of your friends have children?

They better not. Children are expensive and selfish. I’m just getting over the fact that some of my friends are married. They better not start reproducing soon! Just kidding :-)

15. If you won the lottery, what's the first thing you would buy?

First I’d pay off the mortgage on The Dungeon. Then I’d pay off the mortgage on Daddy Kiki’s house. Then I’d invest. Then I’d pay off Notre Dame. Then I’d buy a car. Then I’d buy a building at both my HS and my College so that my memory could last forever. Oh, and then I’d buy a husband.

16. Has anyone ever called you lazy?

Probably. And they’d be right. I’m a hard worker, I just work at my own pace. I’m not busy all the time and I do things when I feel like doing them, not when they need to be done.

17. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster?

If alcohol and medication are synonymous, then yes. Nothing says nighty nite like a nightcap.

18. What CD is currently in your CD player?

Justin Timberlake Futuresex/Lovesound

19. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?

Prefer chocolate. But I’ve been known to drink some regular 2% as well. I like to stay as healthy as I can.

20. Has anyone told you a secret this week?

No one has told me a secret but I’m definitely keeping my own secret…and I’m hoping the other party keeps it a secret too.

21. When was the last time someone hit on you?

Kipper’s really the only person who hits me. He makes sure not to leave bruises though. Just in case I want to turn him in to the authorities. One day we were at Best Buy looking at CDs and he said very loudly in the aisle. “Damnit Kiki, I’ve hit you before and I’ll hit you again.” I think it was fun that no one was alarmed by that comment.

Ok. I just read the question again. It says hit on! Haha! Well, the answer to that question is a long time. I don’t think getting picked up at a bar when you’re both drunk because your team blew it on an important football Saturday constitutes as being hit on. I see it as part of the healing process.

22. What did you have for dinner?

Culver’s. It’s the last meal that I can eat this week. Must get skinny for my Dr.’s appointment next Monday.

23. What is your biggest fear?

Working this hard this far and ending up a failure.

24. What color is your car?


25. Can you whistle?

I can.

26. What is your favorite Christmas/ winter movie?

Little Women

27. Do you make your own jewelry?

I don’t. I prefer jewelry given to me by stupid men and things bought on consignment at family owned jewelry stores.

28. Have you ever participated in a protest?

Inadvertently. When I was dating the musician in Wisconsin he took me to a protest. Because I don’t believe in anything I waited in the car till he was done. I think he was protesting the war. Or Dafur. Something.

29. Who was the last person to call you?

Daddy Kiki. He had to tell me he’s working at home this week. Why can’t I work at home?!

30. What is your favorite ride at an amusement park?

Water rides. I like to get wet.

31. What is something you must do every day?

Moisturize. I agree with Kat. For this my skin is very soft.

32. Have you ever dated one of your best friends?

Thought about it. Wanted to. But knew it just wasn’t a good idea. Boys hold firm to the bros before hoes mantra. And even tho I wasn’t a hoe, if it didn’t last, I’d be the first one out of the group. So I’d rather play it safe and remain the friend.

33. What area code are you in right now?


34. Did you watch cartoons as a child?

I still watch cartoons. I like Proud Family, That’s So Raven, and The Lizzie McGuire Show when it was still on.

35. How big is your local mall?

Teeny compared to the malls in Texas. I tend to not go to the mall around here.

36. What is your job title?

Director of……kicking ass.

37. What do you miss most?

My friends. Being #2 in the polls. Winning a National Championship. The ‘Backer. Speaking of he ‘Backer. I don’t think I ever went as an undergrad. Now that I’ve graduated I can’t get enough of the place. I crave its drunken debauchery and the guarantee that by the end of the night, you will be going home with someone. You may not know his name and the details about what he looks like are extremely fuzzy, but damnit you hooked up. And that’s what counts the most.

38. Would you ever sky dive?

Probably. Just never had the opportunity to do so.

39. What are you allergic to?

Stupid people.

40. What is your biggest regret?

None so far.

41. Have you ever had Jamba Juice?

If it’s not alcoholic there’s a chance that I haven’t had it.

42. When was the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt?

Hmm…I don’t recall. I sure it was recently tho.

43. What movies do you know every line to?

Zoolander and The Royal Tenenbaums

44. Do you own any band t-shirts?

I do not.

45. What is your favorite candle scent?

Grapefruit. I burn it in my kitchen after I cook to get rid of all the food smells.

46. How many aunts and uncles do you have?

I think I have 6 aunts and 5 uncles. I don’t remember though.

47. When was your last plane ride?

Wow. It’s been a while. Probably when I went home for Christmas.

48. Do you crack your knuckles?

I do not. Daddy Kiki told me it makes your knuckles big and you’ll have man hands. I like that ll the lies Daddy Kiki told me had to do with vanity.

49. How many chairs are at your dining room table?


50. What is your favorite salad dressing?

Blue Cheese. Although it’s so not good for me.

51. Do you read for fun?

I do. I’m reading Lipstick Jungle right now. It’s not a challenging read but I like that all of the women are powerful executives and I like to see the challenges they face as being women in powerful roles.

52. Can you speak any languages other than English?

I used to be able to speak Latin. I’ve been out of practice. And I can’t believe Kat took Latin in college too. Maybe we were in a class together.

53. Where is your cell phone?

Sitting on my desk in front of me.

54. Do you do your own dishes?

I do. I don’t use my dishwasher often as I like to wash by hand.

55. What color is your bedroom painted?

White. I’m always afraid to paint. It’s so permanent.

56. Are your parents divorced?

Next question.

57. Have you ever cried in public?

No. Things like feelings and emotions are better left bottled up and should only be released at socially awkward times.

58. Where is question 58???

59. Which do you make, love or war?

I make war while making love. Cause I’m that good.

60. Are you always trying to learn new things?

I think so. I’m always trying to get ahead. And sometimes that means learning new things to do that. And I’m in school now so yes I am learning new things. Mainly statistics.

61. What messenger programs do you have?

AIM and Yahoo!

62. Do you shower on a daily basis?

I try to. Some days it deosn’t happen though. I’m not going to lie.

63. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?

Nope. I have a tattoo and my navel is pierced. That’s enough.

64. Do you believe that the guy should pay on the first date?

I believe that a man should always pay. If you can’t afford to take me places you can’t afford to date me. This has never been a problem for me though. I’ve never dated a guy who wouldn’t/couldn’t pay. Plus, it’s more incentive for me to sleep with you. Expensive dinners and me putting out kinda go hand in hand.

65. Can you skip rocks?

I can.

66. Where is question 66???

67. Have you ever been to Jamaica?

I have not. My travels have been pretty boring. But I always manage to have a good time. See: Buffalo, NY

68. What do you snack on in the movies?

Popcorn and bottled water. I’m adventurous like that.

69. Who was your favorite teacher?

In HS: Ms. Cranfill In college: Prof Lindley, Prof Tillery, my frosh advisor Holly Martin

70. Have you ever dated someone out of your race?

I’ve never dated anyone of my own race.

71. What is the weather like?

It rained earlier and now it’s kinda cool. Fall is here.

72. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?

Sure. I’m not really that judgmental. If you have an open mind and are intelligent I’ll give you a try. I’m not looking to settle down so I really want to use my opportunity to date. My older married friend once advised me to date everyone and keep a list of the things that you like about each person you date. You may soon discover that there are some things you never considered to be necessary in your future mate.

73. Do you have an online journal?

You’re reading it.

74. Did you ever play Capture the Flag in school?

I loved capture the flag. And yes, we did play in High School.

75. What was your favorite class in high school?

English I’m sure.

76. Do you sleep on your side, tummy, or back?

Tummy and side. Tummy alone…side initially when someone’s with me and then tummy. I like to cuddle before I fall asleep. After that, don’t touch me!

77. What personality trait is a must in the opposite sex?

Motivation. I’ve dated too many guys who weren’t motivated to achieve. I’m beginning to see hat I need a man who’s as driven to do more and be better like me.

78. have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive?

Yep. If you want to be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty man your…husband. Plus ugly guys are so excited that a hottie is spending time with them that they’re less likely to leave you.

79. When was the last time you slept on the floor?

I would have been sleeping on the floor this weekend had it not been for my friend’s futon. For that I’m eternally grateful. No one wants to sleep on the floor of a Turtle Creek apartment.

80. What is your favorite alcoholic drink?

Vodka and anything you can mix with vodka.

81. If you were born the opposite sex, what would your name have been?


82. Do you like your living arrangement?

I do. Now if only someone was living with me…

83. Has anyone ever called you spoiled?

I called myself spoiled after I graduated from college. Being on my own taught me how good I had it growing up. And for that I’m grateful.

84. What are your mother and father's hometowns?

Daddy Kiki comes from Georgia.

85. Did you ever go to the same school as your parents?


86. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?


87. How much is gas where you live right now?


88. What was the last thing to scare you?

That guy’s hand on my friend’s neck this weekend at The ‘Backer. I was so sure those guys were going to get in a fight.

89. Do you own a PlayStation?

I don’t play video games. I suck at all of them. Even Mario Kart.

90. How many times have you brushed your teeth today?

Once. It’s still early.

91. Where is question 91???

92. What album did you buy last?

John Mayer Continuum

93. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

I can’t count that high. A lot.

94. Are your days full and fast-paced?

Not always. There are some days when I don’t get home till after midnight. Fortunately I use my time wisely so I can be out of the office around 5:30.

95. Did you ever get in trouble for talking in class?


96. Is there carpet, wood, or tile in the room you're currently in?

Carpet. I wanted wood but couldn’t justify the cost of the upgrade.

97. Were you a "planned" child?


98. What is your mom's name?

I’m still convinced that I sprung from some moss under a rock.

99. What is your dad's name?

Daddy Kiki

100. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?

25. Quarter Century old. Bring it on, bitches!


Well At Least the Cowboys Beat the Redskins

I always hate the few days following a trip back to Notre Dame. This time for two reasons. One because we lost and I have to face my co-workers. Two because I realize how much I miss my friends…and college a little.

This is also the time that you get phone calls and comments on your Myspace and Facebook pages. People let you know about that dumb thing you did when you were drunk that you didn’t remember. You can look at your photos and the photos of your friends online. It’s like a regrouping. Everyone gets together to tell their version of the night’s story and all of a sudden the whole picture comes together. And it’s embarrassingly wonderful.

I also didn’t realize how much I missed my friends. I like to take the day after my trip to fantasize about what if. What if I married one of the guys in our group. Then I could really become part of the group and not just the little sister who hangs out occasionally. (I am still mad that I was wrestled!) Besides they’re all brilliant and our combined earning potential would be great and get better as we further ourselves in our careers. And their moms like me. I could really pick anyone of the boys. They’re all winners. But eventually that fantasy ends as the time between our last visits grows. I’ll start getting busy with work and school and new boys (hopefully) and the football season will end and the winter takes over and there won’t be any excuse for any of us to get together.

Well at least not until the Bowl Game! (I refuse to give up hope now.)

Sunday, September 17, 2006 

All of This Happened in Less Than 24 Hours

The best way to tell about the events from this weekend is to start from the beginning.

I got to campus at about 8:00 a.m. I generally like to get to campus early in order to miss all of the traffic. I met up with T and her boyfriend and we started hitting up the tailgates. We hit a total of 6 tailgates. It was madness. The craziness for me began when I ran into my boys who lived in the dorm next to mine in college. These guys are incredible. First, they're all attractive. Second, they're all genuises. These guys are aerospace engineers, rocket scientists, attorneys, and med students who are finishing med school a year early. Third, these guys are rockstars when they drink. Although I had seen one of the guys in Indianapolis last month, I hadn't seen the rest of them since college. It was awesome. They complained that I'm the one girl that they hadn't hooked up with and questioned that. I have a firm rule about my boys. These are guys I know would have my back no matter what. Therefore it's just really weird to hook up with them. They're like my brothers. Therefore it's hands off!

After drinking with the guys I stopped by Marcia's tailgate where I had a beer and met her husband. I haven't seen Marcia since Soph. year and she was her usual stunning self.

After Marcia's tailgate I went to Coaches (I refuse to call the bars by their new names. Coaches will always be Coaches and not Benchwarmers. Just like The Library will always be known as Finnigans to me.) to meet up with the Knott boys. But this time we were losing pretty badly so Beck and I took a walk to the drugstore to get some asprin. I think this would probably mark the beginning of the end.

After returning to the bar we all left shortly after. I was supposed to leave to come home during the middle of the 4th Quarter. But I was much too intoxicated and having too much fun with the boys to make the 2 hour drive home. One of the guys we know still lives in town so he let me crash on his futon. Sweet. Now I had a place to stay and people to drink with.

We headed back to the apartment before heading to the bars. I'm not sure how long we were there or what we did. I do remember being thrown to the ground and wrestled in front of everyone. Yeah, one of the guys thought it would be classic to wrestle me. Now normally I would consider that a turn on. However I was taken off guard and he was using actual wresting moves. That's not sexy. After putting me in three different holds and me repetedly yelling 'Uncle' Beck finally let me up. I also have rug burns on my knees from the encounter. Of course everyone joked later that my rug burns were a result of me 'being on my knees'. You know where I'm going with that. Yep. They really treat me like one of the guys.

After regrouping we all went to The 'Backer. It was about 10:00 p.m. I'm not sure what all happened there. After receiving a phone call from Kipper this afternoon, I was told that I called him and yelled to the entire bar that I wanted to have sex with my gay best friend. And something about gay guys and black people. I don't recall. I think I also may have incited a fight. I don't remember what was going on but I was talking to someone when all of a sudden some random guy had his hand around the throat of one of my boy's! It was kinda scary cause my boys may be smart and fun, but they're not fighters. According to drunken accounts apparently the agressor was talking shit about me (I don't recall that at all) and my boys came to the rescue. Then they almost got their asses kicked. Like I said. My boys rock!

A night at The 'Backer couldn't be complete without someone breaking something. This time one of my boys broke my camera. He was sitting in a folding chair and I asked him to take a picture. Without warning his entire body just propeled itself forward and he fell on his hands and knees and my camera. The funny part was that he was so drunk I don't even think he realized he fell at all.

After the camera incident and the fight, we all decided it was time to go home. But not before getting some grub. We stopped into Domino's and ordered a pizza and breadsticks where I continued to terrorize the customers and employees. I don't remember what I said but I'm sure it was inappropriate and obnoxious. Beck didn't even remember that we went to Dominos.

On the walk back to the crash pad, Beck, who was in charge of carrying the pizza proceeded to eat the entire pie. By the time we got to the apartment there were three pieces left. Classy.

We all passed out shortly after. When we woke up we surveyed the damage. My camera was still broken but I had all my credit cards so I didn't lose anything. Kinder somehow busted open his big toe and it was pussy and black. He didn't seem to care. And we were missing an entire order of breadsticks. There wasn't even an empty box. I'm thinking we may have eaten the box.
So a good time was had by all. Even though we lost I got to hang out with my favorite guys in the entire world. And it was worth it all.

Next Week: Michigan State game. Not only am I hosting but Kipper will be joining me. My goal is to not land in jail.

Friday, September 15, 2006 

We'll Miss You, Miss Ann

Ann Richards was a hero of mine. I don’t remember much about her, but I do remember the incident between her and Clayton Williams. For those of you out there who aren’t Texans, Clayton Williams (what a great Texan name) was the Republican running for Texas Governor against Miss Ann. What I remember clearly was his refusal to shake Miss Ann’s hand after a gubernatorial debate. Now, it may seem really petty, but manners are very important to Texans. So, that misstep was not a good move for Clayton. After looking up some info online, I also recalled that Clayton made an infamous joke to reporters, likening bad weather to rape, quipping, "as long as it's inevitable, you might as well lie back and enjoy it." And while I find that funny and kinda truthful, I guess you can’t say things like that out loud…and while running for Governor.

But back to Miss Ann. I loved her. I loved that she was the definition of a Texas woman. She had it all. The hair, the drawl, the spunk, the fact that she knew how to fire a gun. Even in the early 90s, I saw her as a strong woman who could do anything. Miss Ann’s accomplishments made me want to do more and say more as a woman. I know that it’s not an eloquent tribute. It’s not like I ever met the woman or that she touched me personally. But I remember her and felt empowered that she represented me as a woman. I hope we have many more Miss Ann’s in the future.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006 

I Wouldn't be Crying if I Were Allowed to Drink at Work

I’m sitting at my desk on the verge of tears. It’s the result of PMS, a cup of coffee, and reading about a fashion gala that is taking place in Chicago that I can’t attend. Coffee makes me really jittery and all sorts of things start to run - tears and my bladder included. It also has a little to do with the fact that it’s cold and rainy outside.

Being a girl sucks. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s emotions. I talked to a friend last night who I haven’t talked to in more than a year. She’s a med student in Ill. so I generally give her her space and there are no hard feelings about the fact that we haven’t talked in forever. She’s in her fourth year of medical school and next year she’ll be a resident! I’m so proud of her. I get so excited when my friends accomplish their goals. It makes me proud to know them. We talked about med school but we also talked about men. The girl is 26 and about to become a doctor but all she could talk about was how much she wants to get married and have children. She’s been this way since I met her our freshman year of college. She’s always been a romantic and wanted to have a family. I thought she would grow out of it when she went to med school and realized how much she’s contributing to people’s everyday lives. She’s doing so much more on her own and she doesn’t even have a man. When I talk to her I like to play devil’s advocate. She knows that I love her; I just try to offer her a different perspective. “I knew you were going to say that, Kiki. But I just want to have children and give them my love.”

When I got off the phone with her, I felt that I was being a little hard on her. I respect her position. There’s nothing wrong with desiring a husband and a family. If all women were career women, we wouldn’t have babies and children and new generations. I guess the concept of taking your life and career out of the fast lane for the purpose of raising a family is very odd for me to wrap my mind around. Sure I’d like a steady man who didn’t hum show tunes after getting off (I failed to share that tidbit with you, didn’t I?). But I know that it’s close to impossible where I’m at now in this city and at this point of my life. And it’s not for lack of trying. I put myself out there often enough. It’s just that only the crazy fish are biting. I see men as a disposable accessory. I see them supporting me emotionally and physically, but I never envision them sticking around for the long run. I never have.

So if my brilliant, successful med student friend’s goal is to get married and have babies, who am I to poo poo on her goals? If I emotionally supported her in her quest to be a doctor, why can’t I support her new mission?

So back to me being on the verge of tears. I thought about the
Green Tie Ball that’s being held in Chicago this weekend and I also thought about the interesting and successful people who would be attending and who I would have the opportunity to meet. And how if I lived in a better city I could justify spending $250 on a ticket if I were going to be able to rub elbows with interesting and influential people (men). And how even though I have a nice life here in Lansing, Michigan (great job and my own house) there’s always something lacking. I’ve traded a somewhat glamorous life for advancement in career and financial stability. Which, of course is my choice. However, it was not my choice to be a girl and have to go through PMS which brings up all these emotions. Screw this. I’m already sick of having ‘feelings.’ I’m going home to have a drink and play with Fetsby’s emotions.

Saturday, September 09, 2006 

Even I'm Surprised at the Level of My Game

I got my hair done today. Even though Fetsby didn't get what he wanted from me last night, I called him and told him I wanted him to come over and look at my hair. He said he'd come over after the MSU game. He had some friends who were parking at his house. He was going to have a couple of drinks with them and then they were going to walk to the game. Cool.

Fetsby came over after the game as promised. He complimented me on my hair and told me he had a present for me. Of course I love presents. He produced a yellow necklace that I have provided a picture of. He told me that the necklace belonged to his grandmother. I'm skeptical. It better not be any costume jewelry. Part of me wants to go and get it appraised. However, I'm also lazy so I'll take his word for it that it's valuable.

Of course I squealed with glee and I allowed him to lead me down to the bedroom. Oh poor man. He didn't know what he was in for. For a week now Fetsby has tried unsuccessfully to do me. He must have thought that if I got a present I would cave. Dumb man. Since he hasn't gotten the results from his AIDS test back, he suggested we do it with a condom. Well, in all reality I don't want to do anything with him at all so I said that I want our first time to be 'special' and it wouldn't be right for him to just hit it and leave. Ha!

The man actually begged. I'm not kidding. I've never been with a man who has actually begged for sex. I didn't think it was possible. He told me that if I didn't cave, I wouldn't get any more presents. I told him that was ok and proceeded to put my shirt back on. He didn't think I would go that far so he actually begged for me not to go...while I was in my own bedroom. Sigh. How sad. I think it's funny that he thought just because I received a gift I would do something to make him happy. Doesn't he know that I care only for myself?

He ended up leaving unsatisfied. I got to keep the necklace. He thought he left his cellphone in my house so there was a brief search for it before he left. He called me when he got home. He left his cellphone at home and had missed a call from the guys he let park at his house. He was supposed to go out with them after the game. They called him...but didn't leave a message as to where Fetsby should meet up with them.

It was then that I realized who Fetsby is. Was there a kid in your high school who was a little more better off than some other kids but still socially awkward? He had a cool car and his parents let him throw parties at his house. But the only reason you were friends with him was because he would occassionally let you drive his cool car or he'd buy you lunch just to fit in with the cool kids? Fetsby is that guy. He's the guy who throws all the parties. You go to his house without bringing a gift and drink all his liquor. And he thinks that because you showed up, you're his friend and he's popular. He buys me things to make me happy thinking that I will do things for him. But instead I'm just like everyone else. Taking his generosity because he doesn't know how to socially interact in the real world without begging for people to like him. It's kinda sad. Oh well. I did get a new necklace. Yay for me!


No Means No...Until I Get a Present

Ok. We're going to start with what I wrote while sitting in the salon this morning. We'll end with an update of what happened today. Let's begin.

"I'm disappointed that you didn't wear a skirt."
"Well, I'm dissapointed that I didn't get a present."
This was the conversation we had as we headed back to my place after dinner in his 1987 Mercedes Convertable. I hoped he wasn't expecting much from me because I tend to not perform as well when I'm not adequately compensated.

Fetsby (Pocket Kip didn't like that I called him Ferris. He liked his original nickname of Gatsby I decided to combine the two to create Fetsby) still continues to bother me. I told him that the best way to get me to react favorably to him is for him to act favorably toward me. I don't possess my own personality. Instead, my personality is based upon those around me. Therefore, if Fetsby chooses to be cold and pompous towards me, I'll be cold and pompous right back to him.

I think I've got him figured out. He has no game. It's the one thing that he's lacting when I compared him to my past lovers. The Serbian owned nightclubs. When I went to visit him, I was put in the VIP section and all my drinks were comped. That was his game. The Cop was funny. He would make jokes and tease me. Sure, it wasn't monetary, but that was his game. Hell, even Old Man had game. Old Man's game had a lot to do with him buying me things and parading me around.

Getting back to the story. We went back to my plave after dinner. I made sure to put my copy of My Love Affair with Jewelry on the coffee table. We thumbed through the book and I showed him my favorite pieces. He asked me to "scoot over and kiss" him. Really. He did. I hate when men do that. I kissed him but I wouldn't go any further. So he got pouty and left. Good Lord! Not only do I have an idiot on my hands, but I also have a crybaby. I invited him back in so we could 'talk.'

After our 'talk' I let him get to third base. Afterwards, I laid in bed and texted Pocket Kip and Hot Bod. That was his cue to leave. He got dressed and left. I told him the next time I see him I better have a present. Hopefully he's learned that he won't be satisfied until I'm atisfied.

Thursday, September 07, 2006 

So We Were Having Cocktails at the Fraternity...

Oh my. Where do I start? Those of you who were fortunate to read my drunk blog a couple nights ago probably figured out that there is a new man in town. And, his name is Ferris. Well, we’re calling him Ferris. Now for some background.

Ferris is 45, has a lot of money, never been married, lives in a great neighborhood, overly fake and baked, preppy guy. I’m trying to think of a movie with preppy college guys in it that he reminds me of. The only thing I can think of is the rival fraternity in
Animal House. He reminds me of those guys.

I met Ferris two years ago. I went out with him twice, I believe, and then I never called him back. He was looking for a lover and companion and I wanted more. Now I’ve lowered my standards and I’m bored so I think this relationship will work for us. The only problem is, I’ve been trying to figure out how to work this so I get the most out of him without getting hurt in the end. In some ways I need to play along like I really like him. In other ways I need to be distant and not get too attached. It’s a delicate balance and I’m determined to win in the end. So far that means denying him of what he wants. Since Monday I’ve been over to his house twice. And since that time I’ve only allowed him to get to second base. I know. I’m a saint. I know that he craves more and really wants me (and my ass…he was impressed by the ass) but I need to make sure I’ve got the upper hand going into things. That’s why I told him that before we make the beast with two backs, he’s first gotta get an AIDS test. He agreed and he scheduled an appointment for today. Good. That at least buys me a week.

I’ve also made it known that I expect presents. He has this thing about giving people money, but that’s not my style. Anyone can throw money around. If he wants to have me, he’s got to work for me. So I told him that the next time I see him, I want a present. I didn’t tell him what to get me, but I’m sure he’ll get something worthwhile.

He also bugs me. He has a weird pompous attitude. I don’t know if it’s his real personality or if he’s putting on airs. Last night I went over and we watched the ending of
South Pacific on PBS. Being a dedicated hag, you know I love musicals. However, I did not expect him to sing along in a falsetto bass voice. Also, while we were lounging around after the program, he said something to the effect of, “I like you because you don’t seem black.” Wow. Red flags. Now, I’ve dated a lot of older men. Hell, I’ve dated men older than 45. However, all of those men wanted only one thing. And that was my ass. They could care less if it was attached to a white body or an alien body. They just wanted it. I had to put him in his place. I told him that I was true that I went to private school, I lived in a mixed neighborhood and later on attended Notre Dame. However, I’m connected to my blackness. It’s who I am and I’m proud of it. I let him know that and added…I hope you don’t have any more ignorant things like that to say because I don’t have the time or energy to try and educate you. Ha! I enjoy cutting him down. He may be richer and more successful than I am, but I’m smarter by far.

And that leads me to his J. Crew persona. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m a HUGE fan of J.Crew. He just reminds me of someone who walked out of a J. Crew/Ralph Lauren catalogue complete with the lack of thoughts in his head. When I asked him about his day, he told me that he took his daughter to school (he’s never been married but he has a daughter who lives with him part time), went to the office, went to the ‘club’ where he played tennis with the pro, came home and had a massage (he has his own massage table) and then called me and we watched South Pacific. Tomorrow he plans on taking his daughter to school, going to the office, going to the men’s board meeting at the Country Club, and then working out with his trainer while his daughter takes tennis lessons.

And I will end with the beginning. The meaning of the title. While I was looking up the number for the AIDS center, he told me a story about some of the WACKY antics he pulled in college. His story began, “So the guys and I were having cocktails at the fraternity when we thought it’d be a good idea to call the suicide help line. (insert uncontrollable laughter from him) Well we would call and say we wanted to kill ourselves because our bird had died!” (insert more uncontrollable laughter from him.) I remained straight faced. “Wait. Did you just say we had ‘cocktails at the fraternity’? Is your nickname Muffy?” I was amazed by the fact that he didn’t say “We were drinking some beers.” Who the hell is this kid? Who has cocktails at a fraternity. I told him he was interesting and left shortly after that. I also told him to call me today and buy me a present. Good lord. The things I do for you people. This is going to be an interesting ride.

Friday, September 01, 2006 

A Few Things

1) I don't have cable so I'm watching the VMA performances online. Who thought it was a good idea to have children sing backup to the T.I. song that talks about cocaine and guns?

2) I think I freaked the chick out at Best Buy. I went in to buy Will & Grace Season 5. She said that she loved the show and especially loved Karen. Then I went on about how I own the previous 4 seasons, how Megan Mullally has a new
talk show and what she thought of Megan Mullally's dress at the Emmy's. Yeah. I'm scary sometimes.

3) So I have to tell you the most amazing thing that happened to me today. Many won't care but screw you! So my property taxes were due and like a good little taxpayer, I paid them lest the police come and remove me from The Dungeon. Well today I get a very big check back from the city informing me that my taxes have already been paid. For those who don't know me, I'm a HUGE saver. When I get a huge check I do two things. First I pay off my credit card bill and next I put the money in some type of savings/investment account. I'm a huge nerd who's pretty much debt free...(damn you student loan payments!). Anyway, when I bought The Dungeon, I didn't think the mortgage company was escrowing my money. So, I was self-escrowing and living below my means. Turns out there was no need for me to self-escrow. So it's pretty much like I'm giving myself a raise because I can now spend a portion of that money instead of putting it in my self-escrow account. I called Daddy Kiki to tell him the good news and he said that I must have been doing something good because it was a reward from God. Well, I believe in the reward from God bit, but I don't know about me being a good girl. Praise Jesus that I must be doing at least something good.

I hope all my goodwill doesn't fly out the door while I'm in Chicago this weekend. I'll *try* to be on my best behavior. Hehe!

About me

  • I'm young, single, got a great ass, a serial dater, a sometimes drunk, addicted to the gym, liable to make fat girls cry, have a mild ED, think Notre Dame is the greatest college and Texas is the greatest state. Currently at a standstill since moving from Detroit Area, Michigan (tons of yuppies) to Mason, MI (noted KKK presence). Come be a part of my random, shocking, and exciting world.
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