Monday, October 31, 2005 

Happy Halloween!

This is the first time I've celebrated Halloween in a long time. When I was little, I wasn't allowed to go trick 'o treating. Instead I would sit in a closet and pray for all the damned little children reveling in their wickedness. Not really. But what a sad sad story. I was saying, this is the first Halloween I've actually observed in a long time. I wanted to do a really good job this year because it's my first Halloween in my new neighborhood and I know the neighbors would judge me on the quality of candy I gave to the crumb snatchers. So, I bought a bucket of Dubble Bubble (with 360 pieces, much like the bucket above) from Sam's and waited for the lil ones. I turned my light on a 6:30 p.m. It is currently 9:00 p.m. I still have 1/2 a tub left! The children must sense I'm evil and are afraid to knock on my door.

I did meet some of my neighbors tonight though. People up north never cease to amaze me. One little girl said she liked my house and she wondered who lived here. She told me she lives at the end of my street. I told her if she was so curious to know who lived here she should have just come by and said hello. That's what we do in the South. Hell, we're nosy down there. The second someone moves into the neighborhood you stop by their house and try to find out all their business.

The kids who live across the street in the Meth house stopped by as well. They were actually pleasant. I think it's cause they were doped up on meth.

I didn't see the kid who mows my lawn. He and his little brother live across the street too. I guess seeing me once a week is all the kid can take of seeing me. I totally understand.

So I guess I'll turn my light off at 10:00. I have no idea what I'm gonna do with 180 pieces of Dubble Bubble. It doesn't really fit into my 700 calorie diet. Guess I'll just take it to work and make everyone else fat. Because I'm evil like that.


Dirty Sex

They're doing construction outside my window. It sounds like dirty sex. Well, the bulldozers sound like this massive head banging against a headboard.

Just so you know, I started my 700 calorie diet again. I sometimes go on this diet to drop weight rapidly. I know it's unhealthy. Deal with it. At least I'm eating something at all. Anyway, the diet consists of eating 700 total calories/day. This time I'm adding daily pilates to the mix. Since I'm broke, I can't afford the gym for a while, so I figure Denise Austin and I could hang out at The Dungeon and do pilates. The goal is to be slim and trim (read: like Nicole Richie, with a tad more health and a tad less coke) by my birthday in February. So, at the time of this post I have eaten a banana, a fuji apple, a turkey sandwich, and a box of raisins. Total Calorie count: 788! Tomorrow something must be removed from this lineup.

J.Crew, stop taunting me with your shiny wonderfulness .

Saturday, October 29, 2005 

Best. Mexican Food. Ever.

I just had the most wonderful Mexican food. I know Mexican food isn't all that exciting, but when you grow up in Texas, even the Taco Bell tastes authentic. (ok, maybe not. I do tend to exxagerate.) Anyway, I went to Aldaco in Lansing this afternoon for lunch. I watched a show on PBS this morning where this man was making mole sauce with turkey. I immediately called Daddy Kiki and let him know what I wanted for Christmas dinner. Aldaco was very good and truly authentic. I even called Roomie after I finished to let her know what a wonderful discovery I found. Now I know where to go for my Mexican food fix.

Friday, October 28, 2005 

Only 56 Shopping Days Left!

So I think I figured out who gets what for Christmas. You'll notice that friends are left out. That's right, bitches! I can't afford my friends. I did have a thought tho. What if I broke up with The Cop before Christmas so I wouldn't have to get him any gifts. I think that's totally appropriate. Solong as I get gifts from him and we get back together before New Years.

So here's the rundown for Daddy Kiki:

Rosetta Stone Software:

I've been getting him things to expand his mind lately. Last year I got him a model airplane that he's obsessed with. So this year I'm getting him software to learn Spanish. He used to take Spanish eons ago and I feel that if I stimulate his mind, he may just up and take off to Latin America or Mexico one day. And that would be cool.

Travel Case:

It's something he just needs. I wanted to get the Louis Vuitton one, but let's be realistic. The bag would cost more than my mortgage! (So maybe not more than my mortgage, but we all know I lie!)

Kitchen Art Pro Buttermate:
How could you not buy this for someone? It measures your butter!

Mango Slicer :

Again. What fun! A mango slicer. You know you want one too!

Earth, Wind & Fire CD:
Cause the man loves his classics!

Now on to the Man-Toy:

Wonders Among Us:
Yes, I know a book is a lame present. But when he took me to the zoo, he mentioned that he once saw this book about the history of the Detroit Zoo. And since he's a member of the Detroit Zoological Society and he loves all creatures great and small, I thought it would be a nice gesture. (and apparently Amazon doesn't sell the book so no cool pictures!)

Calvin Klein Underware:

Cause I need something for me. And I feel that when he wears it, he will magically turn into the man on the box. Right?

Laptop Case (non leather, of course):

He's getting a laptop soon and he'll need a laptop case. It's a practical gift. It's something he needs.
So I think I did well picking gifts. And I feel that since I at least know what I'm getting folks ahead of time, that'll take that much pressure off. Only 57 Days till Christmas!

Thursday, October 27, 2005 

Give me Money

I bought my plane ticket to go home for Christmas today. Living over 1000 miles away from home is a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I have total freedom and independence from the guidance and advice of Daddy Kiki. A curse because it costs a shitload to get home. Actually, I shouldn't complian. I was able to leave from Lansing for about $330. At least now I don't have to drive to Detroit just to catch a plane home.

Being the anal saver that I am, I'm already plotting the best way to pay off my credit card bill. Granted, the $330 that I just put on my card is the only charge on my card. But I'm a firm believer in paying off your card right away. On top of that I have to get gifts for the office, gifts for the man-toy, gifts for Daddy Kiki, curtain rods for the curtains I finally bought, a garbage disposal, new bedding for the guest room, a medicine cabinet for my bathroom...and I'm sure plenty other things. I talked to Daddy Kiki tonight and he asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him a garbage disposal. He told me that's not an appropriate Christmas gift. I then asked him to pay my bills for a month. He laughed and hung up on me. Plus heating costs have risen to a kidney and your left pinky. I currently don't have my heat on. I'm wearing more layers in my house than I wear to work. The heat is free (for me) at work!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 

A Day in the Life

Nothing has really happened to me lately. That's why I haven't blogged. Please check out Kipper's new site on the right. That should hold you for some time.

I'm currently contemplating getting myself a digicam. I have about $130 in gift certificates from Best Buy. I was going to buy the camera for The Cop for Christmas, but I'm selfish and greedy and I want it for myself. Besides, I'm planning on getting him accessories for the laptop he has yet to buy like a wireless mouse, a wireless router, and a nice (non leather) laptop case. I've been reading this blog a lot. I actually was in this girl's Core class at ND but I doubt she remembers me. And I don't really have any identifying information on my blog. So I just read her blog. Cause that's normal. Anyway, she's starting to post pics on her blog and I feel that if I could take pics of my daily life, I'd have more to talk about. Imagine if I had my digicam for my bank story. Cause you know I'd be taking pictures of the crazies. I have no shame like that.

Speaking of The Cop...this weekend I helped him move the huge weight machine he bought down to the basement. He's really concerned about his weight (he's really not fat...just out of shape) so he's gonna start working out and taking supplements. Now this is making me all paranoid so now I feel that I need to work out too. I don't want to be the only soft one in bed. But that's not the story I was gonna tell. Back to the story.

So turns out The Cop is a lil bit of a pack rat and I saw some empty boxes down in the basement. One empty box formerly housed a pet casket. Yeah. I know. Fortunately I was at the top of the stairs when I saw it. I don't really remember my initial reaction, but I was shocked. Which brings me to my question: The pet passing anniversary is approaching soon (I'm not sure of the exact date). Should I suggest having a memorial service. I feel I should be the good girlfriend and do something that's totally out of my comfort zone just to make him happy. Hell, I feel like a better compromise would be me letting him do that thing in bed that I don't allow him to do. That would be out of my comfort zone. No. I think I will suggest a small memorial. Maybe I'll even take pictures.

Monday, October 17, 2005 

This Weekend

Daddy Kiki likes The Cop. Daddy Kiki does not realize The Cop is *** years old. (That’s right. Triple Digits.) I happened to tell Daddy Kiki that The Cop is a vegetarian. He was not impressed. Then I told him The Cop is from California. Daddy Kiki was not surprised.

We had a good time at the game on Saturday. I was excited to see my friends, including, but not limited to Jenn, Teresa, and AJ. I didn’t get to see Kipper although I did call him multiple times. I’m gonna just say it was due to the fact that he had his legs in the air and a tongue in his ear or passed out…or both.

The weekend began when Kipper called Friday afternoon and told me that 1) Brad & Angelina were spotted on campus and 2) Bon Jovi and Springstein were slated to perform at the Pep Rally. That news with a little egging on from Boss Man made me decide to make the journey to South Bend. I was supposed to go to Detroit and hang with The Cop over the weekend, but I felt that a road trip would be better. So, I called The Cop and asked him if he wanted to drive down to SB. It was 7:30 p.m. He called me about three times that night and he couldn’t make up his mind on whether or not he wanted to go. I gave up and went to bed. At 11:00 p.m. he decides to call me back and let me know he made up his mind. But I’d have to drive to Detroit and then drive BACK towards my house to SB in order for him to come. Sometimes you have to give a lil to get a lil.

I got to The Cop’s house at about 12:30 where I said hello and headed straight to bed. I was pissed. Especially since we had to wake up at 5:30 to start to drive to ND. He caught my drift and went to bed without saying a word. However, when I laid down, I couldn’t get to sleep. I just kept tossing and turning and I refused to speak to him because I was mad and I wanted to prove a point. However, I figured since I couldn’t sleep and there was a boy in bed, I might as well ‘use’ him to help me get to sleep faster. He was more than happy to help. However, half way through it, I changed my mind and decided I didn’t want to be touched. Now he was pissed. Even though it was SOOO not my intention, I felt that I had won and I went to bed.

It’s a good thing that he’s a great man because despite having not so great a night, he was totally cool the next morning. I was less cranky as well and we had a nice drive to South Bend. He met my friends and I think folks genuinely liked him. If not, my friends are good liars! Teresa mentioned the bikini blog while we were drunk. The Cop definitely heard and called me out on it. Now I just have to make sure he doesn’t find the blog!

The Cop and I left before the end of the game because I wanted to miss traffic and we made it back to Detroit around 11 or so. We had dinner and stayed up for a while. It was a great weekend. Tiffy called on Sat and said she was going to NYC and I asked if The Cop and I could tag along. She said sure but I’m not sure if I can afford the ticket right now. (I know what you’re saying…make The Cop pay. But this time I’m not using a man for his money. Imagine that!) Instead I HAVE to go to Detroit next weekend to get my hair done. Because right now, it’s pretty scary.

Thursday, October 13, 2005 

Crazies with Money

Eventful things don't happen to me as often now that I have a steady man-toy. So we have to look for the simple things.

My first mistake was to go to the bank in the first place. I'm usually an ATM girl, but I needed a weird amount of cash for the beautician I'm seeing on Saturday. And you don't want to fuck with the money of the woman who's doing your hair.

She was being waited on at the teller desk. I couldn't see her face but I imagined what it looked like just by looking at her clothes. Her hair was stringy and she was wearing a suit. That was bought from Meijers. Ok. That was mean. I shouldn't be judgmental. Let me just discribe the suit. I could see her cooch, her skirt was so short, and it was absolutely wrinkled.

I was next in line and this very very large woman stood in line behind me. She reeked of cigarette smoke. If I was in the right mood, I wanted to turn to her and say, "Sweetheart, most people smoke to get skinny. If the cigs haven't been working so far, just give them up." Back to the story. Lover boy stood in line behind ole' Smokey. He had on a red flannel shirt that looked dirty and it looked like he hadn't shaved for a decade or so. Real classy. I would have done him. Eww. I just threw up a little in my mouth.

"I really like your suit."

Are you kidding me? He was two people behind me in line and she was in the process of being waited on.


"That looks like a really nice suit. It looks expensive. It looks like the kind of suit you wear when you're going to a job interview. My sister had to buy a suit like that once before. It took forever to decide which suit to get, cause she could either get a really expensive suit and spend a lot of money, or get two suits that were less expensive. She got a nice suit like that."

"Thanks. But I wouldn't really say it's an interview suit."

At this point I wanted to shout, "It looks more like a hooker suit to me, sweetie!" But it was my turn at the teller and I really didn't care.

Hooker Suit and Lover Boy were still in the bank when I left. I can't believe someone was trying to get their mack on like that.

I guess I learned my lesson about visiting my neighborhood bank. Next time I'm going to the ATM.

Monday, October 10, 2005 

Speaking of Crack

Damn, that last post was deep. Now for something more Kiki-esque:

SQUIRRELS are getting hooked on crack cocaine — hidden by addicts in gardens.They are digging up the stashes and eating the mega-addictive drug, which comes in small chunks.[…]

Crack squirrels are a recognised problem in America. They are common in parks used by addicts in New York and Washington DC.

They have been known to attack park visitors in their search for a fix.

Thanks Gawker!



Daddy thinks I'm crazy. Kipper thinks I'm bored. I think I may be a lil crazy too.

Daddy said he thinks it's cause of nature. That's his very polite way of saying I'm a lil like she who shall not be named. He better be glad I was still upset about the crazy thing I did. I let him slide on that one.

After telling The Cop that I missed him, I then picked a fight with him. I asked Daddy why I pick fights. His answer was maybe because it was nature. See above.

It was a stupid fight. It's not even worth mentioning. The worst part is I agreed with everything The Cop was saying. I just wanted to cause tension. And I did. Even after he tried to be nice and put it all behind us when we went to bed. Sweet dreams. Have a good night.

Last night there was just something in me that wanted to disagree. That wanted to shout out. And so I did so with a person who didn't deserve it. Just because I could.

I don't think of the consequences of what I do until after they're done. After I hung up the phone I wanted to call right back and say I'm sorry. But I didn't. Instead I had a weird dream about really soft toliet paper and a hidden stairway in a bathroom. Then I spent the entire day obsessing about how I'm mean for no reason and trying to find the root of my problem.

I need to go to therapy.

So now I'm lying on the couch watching UPN waiting till 11:00 p.m. when I can have the 17 minute phone call with The Cop and try to explain myself to a man who never deserved to be yelled at. That is if he calls me.

Friday, October 07, 2005 

I really shouldn't be left alone to think.

I’m sitting at work waiting to go home. I feel like being alone. I have a nice bottle of red wine waiting for me and a romantic movie and my blankey. I was thinking of rounding out the experience with a box of chocolate, but chocolate has calories and I paid my dues at the gym last night.

So, when I’m alone with my thoughts, it’s a scary thing. This is why I can’t be left alone for extended periods of time. Like today, I’m thinking about my next step to success in my life and career. I’m sure it has something to do with the book I’m reading, Oh The Glory of it All. It’s a true story about a San Francisco Socialite’s son and how fucked up his life and his family’s life is. In a weird way, sometimes I long for that fucked up socialite lifestyle. I happened to google my high school this afternoon and I noticed that Former Secretary of HUD, Alphonso Jackson sat on the board of my alma mater. And I thought, hmm…I want to sit on a board. I want to be a part of a power couple. I want to live in a medium sized town where me and my husband rule everything. Where we don’t have jobs. We have titles. We sit on boards. We host fundraisers. We establish scholarships. Of course, the people who do those things are usually the people who are fucked up like in the book I’m reading. But is that a good enough trade off? Am I willing to sacrifice familial stability for a chance to be recognized and admired? Is family really important? Is it better to have a husband who loves you or a husband who’s a business partner who lusts for the same societal goals that you crave? Would it even be fun to be a power couple?

Today I feel that it would be fun. Being that golden couple who’s beautiful and skinny and throws the best parties. Who gives to all the right causes. Who people from all walks of life feel they can relate to in some way. Whose curriculum vitae is extensive and impressive.

Ok. Fantasy’s over.

Thursday, October 06, 2005 


I don't think I should call him my boyfriend. I feel that's a bad power play and not smart on my part. From now on until further notice, he shall be referred to as either The Cop or Man Toy. Because accuracy is everything.

About me

  • I'm young, single, got a great ass, a serial dater, a sometimes drunk, addicted to the gym, liable to make fat girls cry, have a mild ED, think Notre Dame is the greatest college and Texas is the greatest state. Currently at a standstill since moving from Detroit Area, Michigan (tons of yuppies) to Mason, MI (noted KKK presence). Come be a part of my random, shocking, and exciting world.
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