Tuesday, May 31, 2005 

We Meet Again

GQ. July Issue. Brad Pitt Cover. Page 62. Remember Ryle? The guy Kipper and I met in Chicago and bought sweet potato fries for? Yeah. That's him. On page 62.

I got an email for AWOL Kipper telling me to look. I went to the bookstore. Sure it was a cute guy in white swim trunks. So what. Then I looked closer. Yep. It's Ryle. So, I called Ryle. He told me it was him. He did some modeling while in Miami but he really wants to concentrate on his music. He didn't want the modeling to make him less of a musician. "I don't want to be a Ricky Martin." He really wanted to focus on the writing and playing of music. He said he had a meeting with IMG this month. Just to feel it out.

Honey, I'll feel you out anytime. I'm just looking for an excuse to book it up to Chicago!

Monday, May 23, 2005 

Kip & Kiki's Chicago Adventure (or the longest post ever posted)

I won't be writing about the fun we had in Chicago until I'm sure that Daddy Kipper no longer hates me. Sometimes Kiki drinks in excess and does bad things. However, we did have a blast up until the wee hours of Sunday morning.

[Update: Kipper never hated me to begin with. Let the storytelling begin!]


The train to Chicago takes forever. I was an hour delayed getting there. Good thing I really didn’t have anywhere to go. Union Station is located 4.4 miles from the Days Inn where we stayed. I rationalized that it takes me 30 mins to run four miles. Therefore, I could easily walk 4 miles. It took forever. And I was determined to not hail a cab. I wanted to finish what I started.

When I got to the hotel, all I wanted to do was have a beer. I promptly walked to
Corner Pocket, ordered an Amstel Light and a game of pool. I haven’t played pool in a while, and I mainly wanted to go to fool around, wait for Daddy Kipper, and pick up boys. I was playing pool extremely poorly, but the guys at the next table asked if I wanted to play with them because they needed a fourth. They were really cool. Two were Turkish and the other guy was Puerto Rican. His name was Sayid. I couldn’t pronounce the other guys’ names. They bought me another beer and a shot of Cabo Wabo . Then Kipper showed up. So we finished the ‘game’ of pool, had another beer and another shot and left the boys.

I was clearly drunk at this point. Two shots of premium tequila and three beers. Yeah. I was happy. So from the pool hall, Kipper and I searched for a place to eat. We found
Matisse. We sat on the patio and spied the super cute bouncer who was working the door. [*] Rile was working his first night and was a total sweetheart. He told us that he recently moved from Miami and was trying to make it as s musician. We ordered drinks. We offered Rile a shot, but he didn’t take it. So we made our waiter take a shot with us. Which he did. That may have been the reason why he forgot to bring us our sweet potato fries! Grr! After finishing most of our meal, we told the waiter to bring us our fries to go. We had two fries (they were really good, actually) and we gave the rest to Rile. Only on his first night would he meet two obnoxious people who would buy him food. We love Rile.

Next we went back to the room and prepared for Kiki’s choice. Friday night belonged to Kiki and Saturday night belonged to Kipper. We started the night at
Bordos where supposedly I kept stealing peoples drinks. According to sober sources, I ordered a drink, sat down, finished the drink, then picked up a random drink thinking it was mine. You can imagine that people were less than happy about this. From Bordos we went to Liar’s Club where we walked in and out. Next was The Apartment. I’m not sure how or why we ended up here. At this point I kept stumbling in the streets asking men if they were over 30 and made over $50,000. Kipper wondered why I had such a low income threshold. I don’t know. Maybe because it’s rude to tell random people on the street that you’ll sleep with them if they make over $100,000. Kipper said that some guy told me that he made $49,900 and asked if he still qualified. I rejected him. Ok, so we head into The Apartment and I make a friend in the bathroom. She was pretty cool. Well she happened to be at the next bar we went to, Blu. I introduced her to Kipper and he promptly told her that her hips looked too big in her jeans. Oh, and that she was cute, but she’d look ever better if she wore her hair straight. And after all that, she really did appreciate his brutal honesty.

After Blu (which, y’know, I don’t remember in the slightest bit) we headed back toward the hotel. First we stopped off at the Golden Nugget and had breakfast where Kipper sat across the table from me and text messaged the word ‘WHORE’ to me about 18 times. While waiting for our food, we ate pats of butter. No, I’m not lying. Also while waiting, the scary guy who hangs out in the diner at 4 in the morning (you know that guy. There’s one in every 24 hour diner in the WORLD) wrote me a note on the napkin that stated he was staying in room 207 at the Days Inn. Hot.

So, after the Golden Nugget we walk back to the hotel and go home. But who should we run into? How about cutie Rile who we met when we started our adventure! I was more than happy to see him. He was heading out to a friend’s house to hang. We exchanged numbers and I told him I’d like to see him play the next time in Chicago. [btw he totally text messaged me on Monday. How sweet was that!]


After three hours of sleep both Kip & Kiki wake up at 645ish a.m. where Kiki discovers that she lost her credit card! Nice. And the place we assume I lost it at….doesn’t open until 3P. I won’t go into the reason why it was important that I get this particular card back (I have several) cause it’s a boring story. I will say that I really need to remember my debit card PIN numbers.

The plan was to go to Bally’s and work out and go to the beach afterwards. However, we ended up walking back to the bar to see if maybe someone was there to check for my card. Then we walked to Sissy’s house to get Kipper’s glasses, only to get there and realize Kipper didn’t bring the keys. So, needless to say, we didn’t need the gym after all that walking.

Beach after that.

Then shopping. Now that I think about it, I don’t think I ate on Saturday. That makes me pretty giddy. [Oh, we totally ate at that mexican restaurant that had the 45oz Margaritas. How could I forget that?]

Saturday night was Kipper’s choice. We started out at
Sidetrack. I had never been there before but I loved it. They showed a soft porn video of the most beautiful men ever just playing football….in the nude….like beautiful men do. For some reason we thought it would be a good idea to rename all the people we met. “Hi. My name is Mike. What’s yours?...Hi Doug, I’m Kiki…No, I said my name was Mike…I heard you, Doug.” We’re a hoot. From Sidetrack we went to Roscoe’s. There weren’t very many pretty people there. Oh, except for the perfectly tanned muscular man and the man with the pretty eyes who turned out to look a bit frumpy. Alcohol plays many tricks on me! Kipper made friends with the Bachelorette party who’s Bride was almost passed out at the bar. From there we went to Hydrate where Kipper was immediately picked up while waiting in line for the bathroom. Kipper ended up on the dance floor with some chica. I was dancing alone when some guy walked up behind me and whispered, “I can’t believe he’s dancing with her. Let’s make him jealous.” So I dance with him and somehow we danced all the way back to my room!

Now, this is the part of the story where I am such a bad friend. Maybe about 30mins after we got to the room, in comes Daddy Kipper! I don’t remember what he said, but I do remember him saying, “I’m going to Sissy’s.” And he packed up his stuff and left! I was so sad. I thought I was the worst friend ever. I mean, who kicks their friend out for some no name dick? Besides, it was Kipper’s choice night. I had my chance to get lucky on Friday night. Oh well. I’m just glad that he’s not mad at me.

Back to the no name dick…..his name was Don[†]. Don? Had I known that, I probably would not have gone back with him. His roommates parents were in town. And he told me about 12 times that he was not gay, he was just out with his friends who were gay. At that point, no explanation was needed. I had him where I wanted him. However, to this day, I have a sneaking suspicion that he was the guy who was trying to pick up Kipper when Kipper was waiting in line for the bathroom…….I actually exchanged numbers with him. He was a good sport and offered up his place if I ever came back to town. And we know I’m always looking for a free place to stay in Chicago.

I had my two dates.

Date number one was at 1130A. He was goofy. He’s an atty and I’ve been talking to him for a few weeks on email. He was about 18 feet tall and he had a pregnant gut. He could have been a lot cuter if he would have lost the gut. Now I know why all the pics of him I saw were from the neck up. He was very talkative and I think I came off a lil bitchy. I didn’t mean to. I had kicked Don out of the room about 20 mins earlier and just checked out. Plus I think I got about 2-3 hours of sleep. I wasn’t the most social being. He was very nice, and I will definitely email him again. For lunch he had a sandwich. I ordered about 20 grapes.

Date #2 was at 2P. He’s Italian and a filmmaker. He makes documentaries and he has one that I actually found being sold on Amazon. So he really is the real deal. Anyway, he lives in Wicker Park, but agreed to meet me at a place close to my hotel. I got there at 2P. He didn’t show up until 3:10P. He said he couldn’t get a cab. I was more than pissed. The only reason I waited for him was because I didn’t have anywhere to be until 6P. Kipper was with his family (and I thought he hated me) and I had checked out of my room. I was a nomad. So, I would rather sit at the restaurant, wait for him and have a conversation for a while, then walk around Chicago for 3 hours.

Our filmmaker was an OK looking guy. He had bad teeth. They were grey and crooked. I was a total bitch the entire time. However, he did try real hard to make it up to me. He asked me a lot of questions and was generally pretty charming. I would have had a better time with him if I wasn’t so concerned with being upset. At that date I had about 5 bites of soup.

So, overall, a wonderful weekend. I had a blast. I got drunk, I got numbers, I got free meals that I didn’t eat. It was great.

Next weekend….moving with Steph and possibly Birmingham with ADD Tim.

[*]He was more like the person who checks IDs as he was clearly too small to be a bouncer. More like the host.

[†]Well, that really wasn’t his name. Sometimes I like to protect the innocent. But it was equally as odd.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005 


I have an unbelievable knack for procrastination. That’s why I have to start projects early. Otherwise I’ll wait till the last minute, panic, and then end up not doing anything at all. That’s just how I function. I’ve decided to take Friday off. The plan was to spend some time with Daddy Kipper in Chicago. However, hotels are either nonexistent or $1000.00/night, so we may not end up going. Nevertheless, I’m still taking Friday off. I got a huge assignment yesterday. I want to finish it by tomorrow so I can get the corrections by Monday, and send it off in plenty time before the deadline. So I’ve dedicated today to working on the project, and taking the keys off my computer keyboard and blowing away the dust. Because that’s more productive than finishing this project.

Sunday, May 15, 2005 


Never take boys home from the bar who are young, asthmatic, and suffer from ADD.

But before I go there, I was really proud of ADD Tim this weekend. I called on Friday to ask if he had Saturday plans. I wanted him to take me out. He told me that he thought he was playing Euchre at a friend's house, but would call me to confirm. I called again on Saturday, thinking he blew me off, but he answered and told me that he was pretty sure that they were playing but he would call and let me know. And he did. I was shocked. Normally when people blow you off, they don't call back. Although we didn't get to go out in Birmingham, at least he was honest (for all I know) and that goes a long way. Since I didn't go out in Detroit, I took myself out in Lansing. And that's where we get to the PSA.

Jon just turned 23. He's going to school at another university, not MSU. His friends had been sitting near me at the bar most of the time I was there but they never said anything. Until Jon sat down beside me. He was plastered. He had been drinking since 2P and he and his friends were celebrating his birthday. He was cute. I could tell he was tall (6'2) and he complimented me the entire time. He wanted to know how old I was, but since I have a strict 'don't sleep with boys under 30' rule, I wouldn't tell him my age. He guessed that with all I've done in my life, I was probably 27-29, and he reassured me that wasn't old. So, I took him home. [Sidenote: I can't wait till I move closer to E.Lansing. The drive back to Mason was brutal last night.] He told me he had to be back in EL by noon for band practice. Little did he know I wake up at 7A.

But the weirdest thing happened that's never happened to me. Nothing on my end worked! He was cute, he was into me, he was tall, an o.k. kisser, but Kiki was just totally dead. It got to the point where I was so frustrated, I just 'passed out.' But what was even more bizarre, I got more comfort and satisfaction just by knowing someone else was sleeping in the same bed. O...M...G! Lansing has made me impotent!

I took him to Cracker Barrel for breakfast the next morning as one does when you bring a college boy back to your place and you discover that you're dead on the inside. He was a talker. And that's when I discovered he had ADD (no wonder he's 23 and still in college). He also pulled out his inhaler at one point during the night. Am I really that good even when I'm not trying? Well, he paid for breakfast. And I said across the table, "Well, I only consider that fair seeing as what I did for you this morning." Heh. He blushed. I took him back to his friend's house. We didn't exchange numbers. His band is playing at a local club next weekend. I know where to find him if i want to.

Thursday, May 12, 2005 

What I learned today

Today I learned there are certain things you can't say to people in Lansing.

I was talking to the receptionist trying to pass the time. I tole her that last night after getting home, I watched the first episode of Nip/Tuck before going to bed. She wrinkled her nose at me. "I watched one episode of that. It was kinda racy."

I've only seen the first episdoe where the raciest thing that happens is Christian sleeps with a model he met at the bar and snorts coke off her naked back. Of course I've heard that it does get a bit raunchy, but, so is my existance. I guess I have to remember that things like that in Lansing are racy. Things like that in Kiki world probably happened last weekend.

Thus ends my lesson.


You Drive Me Crazy

Just wanted to say hello. Heard that Outkast song on the way to work and that [sic] about what a pain you were....kidding!

Anyways, hope the job is going well and that you are enjoying the greater Lansing area. Take care.
That’s what Smitty wrote. To me. Yesterday. Yeah, and he still hasn’t grasped the concept of proper grammar…or of the English language. Well, since I’m a girl, I have to take this 41 word email and dissect it, looking for its underlying meaning. It’s what we do. Get over it.

He thought about me. That’s major. A song reminded him of me. Now honestly, I can’t remember which Outkast song it was. Most likely, Hey Ya! I used to shake uncontrollably seizure-style while listening to that song. Yum! Sexy! Of course, when I write him back, I’m going to ask him if he meant The Way You Move. Ya know, just so he can start thinking about the way I moved!

Ugh. This is silly. I can’t believe I’m getting this worked up over a 4 sentence email. But he does that. He has that effect. He’s done it before. I need to learn to stop giving in to the hype. I need to finally learn. I want to tell him that I got a raise and I’m in the process of buying a house. That I’m single, That I’m still hot. That although I don’t think about him nearly as much as I used to, sometime I wonder how he’s doing and if he wants to chat. That if he’s ever in town for a game, he can always crash on my bed at my house. I want to tell him that I’ll be in Detroit this weekend and maybe we can grab lunch. But I’ll only set myself up for disappointment. The man is only one rung more dependable than Hot Bod (who I haven’t heard from in 3 months). So I’ll start by not responding to his email till Monday, and focus on planning a fabulous drunken weekend with ADD Tim.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005 

Worst Day Ever!

Last night I realized there is a total difference between social Kiki and professional Kiki. Another work function last night. Hey kids, it’s the highlight of my life. Sometimes I have nothing more to live for. Anyway, Boss Man and I went to a work event. It’s the kind I like. Basically a see and be seen with free food and an open bar. And we all know how Kiki likes to drink. But it was weird. For some reason, I couldn’t drink around my boss. So I ordered an ice water and smiled and shook hands. However, Boss Man had to leave early, so naturally, I headed for the bar. Where I flirted with the bartender. Not that he was cute or anything, he just seemed cool to talk to. We chatted for a while and he made me a Grey Goose and tonic (no sub par liquor (Pavlov…ugh I can’t believe I drank that in college) for Ms. Kiki). Heh. Double parentheses!

Well after my first drink I had a blast. I was walking all around the room, extending my hand to anyone who made eye contact with me. One guy told me that he owned a bar in BFE Michigan and if I’m ever in the area to stop by. I will never forget that man!

On to today. I got pulled over for speeding. The cop wrote me for 5 mph over. Of course I opened my mouth and asked to see the radar gun. He cleared it. I told him that as a motorist I have a legal right to ensure there’s no discrepancy between the radar gun and the ticket. He thought I was sassin’ him so he amended my ticket and wrote it for 15 mph over. Stupid bastard. Well, I’ll just appear in court. No worries. Plus I think it’s kinda shady that he ‘amended’ my ticket. That should get me some kind of credit as well. And Michigan is so different from Texas and Indiana. In Texas, if you took defensive driving they wouldn’t report the ticket to the insurance company. In Indiana, if you paid a huge fine, they didn’t report it. Not so in Michigan. There’s no way to get out of the ticket, and you get a point added to your insurance, which stays for 3 years. After that the penalty is reduced, and after 6 years it’s completely erased. And y’all know I make $0.03/day at work so I can’t afford an insurance hike. So let’s all pray this fool doesn’t show up to court!

But my day got a little brighter when ADD Tim calls me out of the blue this morning. He told me he was meeting a client today in Lansing and he wanted to take me to lunch! Yay! Free lunch. Then he calls me back and asks me to look up the address of his client. Turns out he was supposed to be in Ann Arbor, not Lansing! Oh ADD Tim! So no free lunch today. That’s ok. I may cash in this weekend and spend some time clubbing with him on Saturday!

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 

Today, a compairison

This is the city I used to live in.....Royal Oak.

This is the city I live in now....

This is the city where my real estate agent wants me to buy a house...
Bath. I particularly like the story about the man who killed half the town. It's getting from bad to worse!

Monday, May 09, 2005 

Daily Musing

Not one to squander a good situation, I’ve found a way to exercise while exercising. On my daily walks downtown, I now do heel raises at stop lights. This way I working my legs, my butt, my calves, the whole thing…all while walking. Now, if only I could get a parasite to eat the food out of my stomach like my girl, Lindsay!

Tuesday, May 03, 2005 

And I'm Fifty! (say it like Molly Shannon says it)

Did I tell you about the hot flash I had yesterday morning?

I was standing in Lydia's office yesterday chatting. About something. All of a sudden I got real nauseous. I thought it was nothing. Sometimes I get nauseous for no reason. Then I got kinda hot. I was wearing a turtleneck (I know, in May! Stupid Michigan weather) so I thought that was ok. Maybe I overdressed. Then I started sweating and getting dizzy. I felt so bad cause I looked at Lydia and said, "I'm sorry, but can I sit down in your chair?" She thought I was gonna pass out. But worse, we were the only ones there so she would have to be the one to call 911. I bet she was secretly thinking she could hide me in the basement and take over my office with the windows. I only think this because in all reality, I would have done the same thing.

Anyway. I think I had a hotflask. Cause after my spell passed, I got real cold and put on a sweater over my turtleneck. And I looked at the thermostat and it was set to 70.

I'm barely 23 and I'm already getting meopause. So if I ever have sex again, no risk of babies!

Sunday, May 01, 2005 

Meijer's has a library

I finally finished the roll of film from St. Patty's day. I went to Meijer to get it developed. I waited for the 1 hour development. Although I live less than 3 minutes away from meijer, I didn't want to go back home, park, go upstairs to my apartment, wait 1 hour, and do the process all over again.

So, I made Meijer my library. I picked up about 6 magazines (including the new Women's Health), headed to the section where they sell furniture, and planted myself on a bean bag chair and read magazines for an hour. After which I picked up my photos and went home.


Kiki the Kat Lady

I had lunch with Stephanie on Saturday. The purpose was to catch up and give her a shower present since I didn't make the baby shower in Texas. I had to pick her up to go to lunch cause she can no longer drive. It's kinda heartbreaking. Anyway, I pull up and her gorgeous husband lets me in. We small talk downstairs while Steph continues to get ready. It was cool talking to him, but after a while we reached that awkward silence where two people with really nothing in common run out of things to say.

Steph and I went to Cosi for lunch. We had a nice time. I finally got to talk to someone removed about how much I dislike it in Lansing. She in turn gave me a friendly, and helpful, swift kick to the ass. I told her that I hated saying this out loud, but the reason I don't do things in Lansing is b/c it's totally different from any city I've lived in. There's no yuppie class. And since I feel that I really can't relate, I don't. I told her that I'm not looking for a boyfriend, just people to go out with and have fun. She told me that if it's the case that I'm not looking for anything serious, what's the problem with going out with a plumber, or an electrician, or some guy who works at the local GM plant? It's not like you're interested. You're just looking to have fun. She told me that between her last long term relationship and the time she met her gorgeous husband, she dated duds just to have something to do. She wasn't remotely serious about any of them, but she found out that each one had characteristics that she later used to determine what she really wanted out of a husband. She dated one guy who wasn't attractive, but really funny. She never knew that 'funny' was an important trait to her until she met that guy. She told me that my rut is self imposed. I'm not a shy girl who stays in and doesn't try new things. I need to meet people, no matter who they are, not judge, and have a good time. Or else she would buy me a cat and call me the cat lady. And no one likes that.

I was so glad that Steph set me straight. I really do need to stop being judgmental. I don't want to become that kind of person. And even worse, I've been a person who was judged in the past. Therefore I have no right to judge anyone else. So I'm making a conscience effort not to be judgmental and be nice to all. Of course, we all know that Jesus loves me, and He loves to test me. So, on my way back home, guess who calls? Bif! I was so angry. I didn't want to answer the phone, but I remember how I need to be nicer. The man was so happy I answered his call. I talked to him for a record 13 minutes without being mean. Well, not as mean as I usually am. In return he invited me to work out with him at the Y sometime. I may take him up on that. You know how I like to stay in shape.

So my goal now on is to talk to the locals, be nice, and smile. What doesn't kill you has to make you stronger.

In other news, I volunteered to help Steph and her gorgeous husband pack up the moving van on May 28! I hope there are other hunky sweaty doctor lovelies at the packing.

About me

  • I'm young, single, got a great ass, a serial dater, a sometimes drunk, addicted to the gym, liable to make fat girls cry, have a mild ED, think Notre Dame is the greatest college and Texas is the greatest state. Currently at a standstill since moving from Detroit Area, Michigan (tons of yuppies) to Mason, MI (noted KKK presence). Come be a part of my random, shocking, and exciting world.
My profile
Powered by Blogger
and Blogger Templates
eXTReMe Tracker

Locations of visitors to this page