Thursday, June 30, 2005 


Sometimes I wish I could come up with ghetto names. Or black, intersting names. I was watching the Bow Wow video today, and I thought, who names their child Omarion? Where did it come from? What's it's origin? Is it made up? My middle name is made up. I like to think that Daddy Kiki was sitting around in Japan with his buddies having a few drink and all of a sudden thought, wouldn't (Kiki's middle name) be a great name? Then I watched the video for Amerie. What a cool name. Amerie. I always feel that black people with interesting names will at least me famous. Condoleezza, Tayshaun, Kobe, Shaq, Oprah. I can't think of cool names. My devil spawn are destined to be named boring things like Suzy or Mike.

Daddy Kiki comes for his annual July 4th visit. I'm excited. We're gonna go take a tour of the Dungeon, buy some necessities for the Dungeon (hopefully a new bed, courtesy of Daddy Kiki), go pick cherries -- which always means preserves and pies made by Daddy Kiki for my consumption, some tennis, and whatever else pops into our little ADD heads.

The PTJ was good last night. Everyone says I have a spectacular phone voice. That's cause I've had experience as a phone sex operator. Did you really think those ND bills got paid all by themselves?

Tuesday, June 28, 2005 


My head hurts. I don't know why. I don't think I've had a headache since college. In all reality, it's really the last time I was faced with any kind of stress. I'm not stressed today. No one is here. The office is pretty quite. My head is aching.

I don't think I'm gonna get fired from the Part Time Job (PTJ). In fact, the numbers I was pulling were a lot better than I thought. And then I got my first $100 donation last night too. That helped tons. So I'm doing my part to help fight cancer! Yeah!

I also talked to a relative last night at the PTJ. Well, not really, but he had the same last name as me. It was weird to see the name on the screen. We had a nice chat. He told me about some (insert my last name here) history. But the bitch didn't give me a donation. I thought I had that one in the bag. It was cool to run into someone with my same last name, though.

Got my AIDS test today. Yesterday was
AIDS/HIV awareness day. I would suggest you get tested. Especially if you happen to take home ADD boys from bars or striaght men who hang out in gay bars but tell you 18 times in the night that they're not gay. Not that I know anyone who does that, though. Although in all reality, my chances of getting AIDS right now are about as high as my chances of getting preggers. Oh, and the test is effortless. I didn't even have to give blood. They just take a swab from the inside of your cheek, tell you not to have unprotected sex, and send you on your way! I have to go back in a week and get my results.

Why won't this headache go away?!?!?

Sunday, June 26, 2005 

You still a nigga

I sometimes read this blog. Today I read this post. In short, a waiter sees a mixed kid in his restaurant. After asking him twice if he could help him and the kid not answering, the waiter asked if the kid was there for the dishwashing job (he interviewed several non-english speaking applicants earlier in the day). The kid was actually not hispanic, but half black/white. I suggest you read the post to get the full gist of it.

Anyway, I was reading the comments, and I couldn't get over how many people responded with such negativity to the kid. Wow! Many of the commenters called the kid a jerk. Many stated that we're all racist on a certain level. There was even one commenter who stated that s/he has adopted kids who were black and were fearful of black people. God help her children!

Reading the post made me think of that Trick Daddy song (I know, random, right!), Amerika. There's a line:

You only got 2 bucks and you give less then a fuck -- then you a nigga
Got a nice home and a lexus truck -- you a nigga
World champions and you mvp -- you a nigga
4 degrees and a ph. d -- still a nigga
To use ur platinum card you need 4 i.d.’s -- then you’s a nigga
If ur skin is brown just like me -- then you a nigga
Got a promotion and a fat ass raise -- you still a nigga
You from the islands and ur peoples wasn’t slaves -- you a nigga
No mattah how much yo ass get paid -- you still a nigga
Shot by the cops at a traffic stop -- cuz u a nigga

Wow. I never thought I'd hear truer words...especially from Trick Daddy. It makes me think more about what others think about me. My people. Where I come from. It makes me look a little closer at the news in Lansing. Wonder why they flash the name of important white people on the screen (Tom Izzo), but don't flash the name of President of the Detroit Pistons (Joe Dumars). In fact, I had to Google Joe Dumars just to be sure he was the person who I saw on TV tonight. Why the picture of white suspects are rarely posted, but black suspects are always posted. Why we're all searching for Natalee Holloway, but not ______. Well, I don't have a name for a missing, attractive black woman. According to lack of media coverage, I'm gonna have to assume there are none.

Now I understand that many of the commenters noted that the asumption that the waiter made was only made after the kid didn't respond. However, many folks missed the point that the kid had probably been judged all of his life...just by the color of his skin. Even if the waiter didn't mean to offend, it was out there, in the open, and it reminded that kid that no matter what he does, what he accomplishes, where he goes, he's still a nigga.

Monday, June 20, 2005 

Yet another reason why I should not be allowed out in public

Teresa and I went to lunch today. It was nice to catch up with her. I haven't seen her in over a year. We ended up at Troppo's. One of the reasons why I wanted to go there was to formally introduce myself to the guy who I thought was the co-owner. Jacob came over to our table and I did indeed introduce myself. Teresa commented that he wasn't cute. I knew that. Power trumps beauty anyday (well, in men, at least.) Anyway, he asked me what I did. Naturally I told him that I sold baby parts on the black market. He took the joke a little too far and said something about Asian baby Foie Gras. Um, just for the record. I sell baby parts on the black market for harvesting. Not for human consumption. Duh! Then we started talking about life insurance, and he told us that he was denied because he checked himself into a center for alcoholism and it's been 2 years since he's had a drink! Why do people tell me these things? I asked him why I always saw him at the restaurant (trying to fish out if he was the alcoholic owner) and he told me that he was the general manager and head chef. Boo. You lose!

When he walked away I whispered to Teresa, "I'd ruin him." She didn't quite understand. I told her I'd make him my new drinking buddy!

Sunday, June 19, 2005 

A Day at the Races

When I think of a day at the races, I normally think of being here. However, today I attended my first NASCAR race. Of course, I did it the right way and watched from the safety of a suite. Let me explain.

I was invited out to the track in Michigan. I had to do some meet and greet duties, but for the most part I got to have a lot of fun. The pictures from the race are here. It was actually a lot of fun. After getting to the track (after sitting in an hour of traffic) I wasn't directed the the VIP area. In fact, no one I talked to knew where the VIP area was located. Always resourceful, I flagged down two state troopers on a go cart. I told them I was lost and I was looking for the VIP area. This resulted in a 30 minute police escort for Mama Kiki. It was kinda weird. There were a ton of people milling around drinking (it was 9:00 a.m) and they were really interested to know why lil miss black girl had a police escort. Hehe. It's fun to fake importance.

So I get to the Suite. They had a nice set up. There was nothing going on so I organized our guests for a tour of the facilities. We took a van to the pit area and behind the grandstand. Since I know nothing about NASCAR, I didn't know that the RVs got to park in the middle of the track. We had to drive thru the RV parking in order to get to the pit. That was a sight to behold. It was like a shanty town! So many rednecks! Mullets! Bikini tops with cut-off jeans! All sorts of domestic beer! We were like tourist on safari pointing and gawking at all the unfamiliar creatures! What a hoot. So we made it to the pit. We saw the cars lined up. Then Boss Man had a gret idea to get us all into one of the race car simulator area. We did the obligatory introductions to the people running the simulators, then cut infront of a huge line of people waiting for the simulators and used them ourselves! Haha! That was cool. It was really like driving a race car. I did horribly! Then we got some free stuff and it was back to the Suite.

Back at the Suite we went up to the outdoor area and had a great view of the fighter jets fly over the race. We were above all of the cars, so it was cool to watch them zoom by. I waited forever for a crash but I didn't see one. (Apparently there was a crash while I was on my way back home.) The people were wonderful, I got to meet Robert Porche, and I had a great time.

So, in conclusion, I totally suggest everyone going to see a NASCAR race at least once. However, stay out of the shanty town and get yourself into the suite!

Thursday, June 16, 2005 

Just some Observations

I read this article today in USA Today. I think it's right on. There have been other stories about how black abductions never get national attention. I'm glad people are finally saying something about it. Will we now get more cases of black abductions in the national news media? Probably not.

I made a friend yesterday. A month or two ago I went to this Republican function for work. I happened to sit at a table with a young female attorney. She was really nice and she invited me out to lunch with one of her friends. She told me that it's sometimes intimidating to go to those events when you know absolutely no one. I agreed. Well yesterday we went out. We had lunch at Troppo, which, by the way, my whole office was at. I ran into both of my bosses there! Anyway, a good time was had by all. Both girls are attorneys and both are married. The co-owner of the restaurant even visited our table to chat. It was nice. I actually may have made a real friend!

I have my interview with the American Cancer Society this afternoon. That's right, kiddos, I'm taking a summer job. I'm so bored lately, and I feel I can make some extra money to furnish The Dungeon by taking on an after work job. I'm gonna be a telemarketer.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005 

Just Breathe

It's 9:30 a.m. and I haven't done anything today. It's georgeous outside. All I want to do is sit on a lawn with a blanket, listen to bittersweet country music and read a book. Lovely.

Monday, June 13, 2005 

Natalee Holloway

I’m sure we’ve all heard about the poor girl who’s somewhere lost in Aruba. I have a bad feeling that she’s not coming home alive. It’s a sad story, but I have some problems with the coverage. When the story first broke two weeks ago, they arrested two hotel security guards who the police said were possible involved with her disappearance. They were both middle aged black men. Then, a few days later, they detained three other teenage to 20 y/o men who gave the girl a ride back to the hotel after picking her up at a bar. They were the last people to see the girl alive. One kid is white, and the other two and of, I’m suspecting, either Arabic or Indian origin. Although all fingers really point to the three guys who drove her home, the two black men are still in custody and have not been formally charged. I’m pretty pissed. I think it’s obvious to anyone who has heard anything about this case that these two men had nothing to do with this girl’s disappearance. They have adamantly confessed their innocence, yet they are still being held and have not been charged. This is a case of scapegoating to make it seem like the Aruban police are on the case. However, the media hasn’t mentioned much about these two seemingly innocent men. Figures. When a ‘pretty blonde’ goes missing in a foreign place, it’s always easier to blame the natives first.

Sunday, June 12, 2005 

Plant Sex

I spent a large part of Saturday at The Home Depot. I’m not gonna link to it. Mainly because I think a lot of my weekend posts will be about my time spent at the Depot. Anyway, I mainly went there to look at carpet and light fixtures. However, I took a run through the nursery as well. There I talked to the coolest nursery guy who told me all about the plants that grow well in Michigan and general lawn care. I really want to get some Holly bushes to go as a privacy fence on the third side of the back yard. I like hollies because that’s what I had growing up and also because they have stickers and if children happen to run into them, they’ll be scarred. Hehe. Well, Tom, the nursery guy had to tell me that if I got hollies I’d have to get one male for every 4 females. That’s the only way they’ll produce berries. Wait. So my plants will be having sex and I won’t? This seems more than unfair.

On Sunday I went mattress shopping. A mattress is the first piece of furniture that I want to buy. I’ve been sleeping on a small, uncomfortable mattress for too long. So I meet up with the relatively young sales persons. His first question was, “Do you normally sleep on your back, side, or stomach?” My response, “Well, that depends on who happens to be sleeping with me.” Of course I said this without a smile. I was dead serious. The salesboy mumbled, “Lucky guy.” Oh it’s so much fun to fuck with the help!

That was my weekend. Nothing exciting to report. Light fixtures and cabinetry are gonna get me off more than any man has now. It’s kinda sad. But I’d challenge you to go to The Depot and take a stroll through the ceiling fans and lighting. You’ll totally see what I mean.

Friday, June 10, 2005 

Welcome to the Dungeon

Well, as the folks who read this blog already know, I bought a house this week. I’m really excited. We’re calling it the Dungeon. That’s because the master bedroom is in the basement. So obviously all the torture takes place in the basement! I’ve added a link to the pictures here, so please take a look.

I’m really excited. It’s a 3 bedroom house. It’s got a huge backyard and I’m thinking of putting a small garden out back. I have 6 mature trees in the backyard and one mature tree in the front. I never thought I would be the one getting into gardening and landscaping, but this weekend I plan on hanging out at The Home Depot and getting some tips about plants in this area. The Dungeon is in an old neighborhood. There are quite a few new houses being built on my street. I guess that’s how they do things in Michigan. The neighborhood is very quiet and there’s an elementary school at the end of the street (alright for resale value!). I’m totally stoked about decorating even though I have no more money. I’ll be really paying attention to Trading Spaces and thinking of creative, cheap ways to decorate.

So that’s the Dungeon. I’m hoping that my friends will be able to visit sometime soon (well, as soon as I get furniture and appliances!)

Tuesday, June 07, 2005 

I may be many things. A homewrecker I am not.

I've been emailing this married man for a few months now. I met him and his friends back in January at a bar with my bosses. He told me he was married off the bat. I was a little weirded out talking to him, but Tiffy said to just play it cool. Maybe he just wanted to be friendly. However, this tured out to be like that episode of SATC where Charlotte has her married friends to hook her up only to find out that the married guy is obsessed with her.

I haven't met up with Mike since I met him and his friends in January. However, we have kept in touch by email. He's even suggested some bars to go to around town to hang out. I thought he was just being cool. Things got creepy today. I was telling him about The Dungeon (there will be an entire post about The Dungeon in due time) and he suggested I 'punish' him many times. He also asked why I wasn't in a realtionship. I ignored the first part and told him that I was still pretty new, but if he knew of any single, available men to send them my way. He responded by saying that his mind was too deviant to offer me up to single guys. But he was willing to offer me up to his wife.


I had to ask Cos for a second opinion. Maybe I was reading too much into it. She told me that I did sound a tad suggestive with my Dungeon remark, but it's kinda part of my wit and totally should not have been construed as a sexual come on to a married man. I wrote Mike back and told him that I was sorry to be suggestive to my remark but that I am only available for single men...and not even married women.

Yuck! Why did he think I would have an affair with him? We talk about his wife constantly. I've never met or seen her, but he tells me that they just bought a new house and that she's sweet enough to make his lunch for him in the morning. I'm sorry. If I had someone to cook for me, I wouldn't fuck it up by even thinking about an affiar. Cos supposed that he's the even creepy kind of guy who will talk about his wife and suggest an affair in the same breath. Sick.

Seriously guys. I don't have many boundaries, but that's one I will not cross.

About me

  • I'm young, single, got a great ass, a serial dater, a sometimes drunk, addicted to the gym, liable to make fat girls cry, have a mild ED, think Notre Dame is the greatest college and Texas is the greatest state. Currently at a standstill since moving from Detroit Area, Michigan (tons of yuppies) to Mason, MI (noted KKK presence). Come be a part of my random, shocking, and exciting world.
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