Thursday, October 26, 2006 

Ebony & Ivory

Let me start out by saying that I in no way support the idea of children. I think they're messy, they spread germs, and are expensive. However, that being said, how cool is this?! I always imagined that if I finally broke down and had kids I'd want one white one and one black one. But I'd adopt them. My hoo-ha is strictly an entrance only. Plus, I have a fear of gaining baby weight. But really, isn't
this one of the most awesome things you've seen?

Wednesday, October 25, 2006 

We're All Gonna Die Some Day

Daddy Kiki tends to be a bit morbid at times. I don't enjoy it. Today he called me to tell me that I could be a very rich daughter. My ears perked up at that. I thought we had won the lottery. No. Daddy Kiki was telling me about the bomb scare across the street from his building. He watched the whole thing unfold. Apparently there were two blue gas cans. One in the bushes and one under a parked car. The bomb robots came out, streets were blocked, the whole shebang. Turns out the gas cans were just filled with water. I asked him why that would have made a me a rich daughter. He responded that if it really was a bomb, his side of the building would be the first to go and I could probably get a healthy settlement benefiting from his death. Yes, Daddy Kiki, because when your only parent is dead, you're obviously thinking about how you can profit from the situation. I promptly hung up with him after that.

On the Baloo front, it seems that he is officially my boyfriend. I've never been blessed with the status of girlfriend before. Not officially, at least. While we were at the bar on Monday night, Baloo's roommate asked what our status was. I promptly froze and muttered some bullshit about not liking 'labels' and whatnot. So I emailed Baloo and told him that there were rumors being spread that I was his girlfriend and i don't recall being asked. Later on in the evening when he walked me home, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I promptly said No. Although I was joking, he told me that he didn't want to pressure me and he wanted me to take my time and think about it. What an awesome guy! So I said that I would be his girlfriend and that was that. So now I have a boyfriend. I like it. I'm going to wear it around for a while and break it in. I like the way it feels on me.

Monday, October 23, 2006 

The Big Leagues

As a woman of color, I sometimes find it difficult finding hosiery that accurately compliments my skin tone. Most of the stockings I find in stores are really too light for my skin complexion and they make my legs looks weird. Plus, I'm totally old school and think that stockings should be worn with most outfits. So, while in Detroit today for work I stopped by Somerset's Sak's Fifth Avenue to stock up on a couple pair of stockings. I like to buy insignificant things at expensive places. That way I get on their mailing lists and they send me neat stuff in the mail and I feel important. However, Sak's didn't have my color so I ventured over to Neiman Marcus.

Now, I've never bought anything at Neimans. I like to browse and pretend that I can afford a lot of the stuff in there. However, hosiery is pretty much the same price everywhere, and they had my color. I walked to the counter and whipped out my Visa card to pay. Guess what? Neimans doesn't take Visa. They only take cash, AMEX, baby blood, and checks. Fortunately I was able to run out to my car to grab my checkbook. I was so happy when the sales girl entered my name, address, and phone number into their computer system. I'm now part of the Neimans circle. Next I'll get flyers for events I can't attend and discounts for clothes I can't afford. All leading up to a copy of the Christmas Wish Book in 2007. What a lucky girl am I.

Ok, I have to admit that this post sucks. However, I'm trying my best to find things to write about other than Baloo. Give me a break!

Sunday, October 22, 2006 

The Dungeon Treats Me Like a Lady


Thursday, October 19, 2006 

Cleaner Than a Nun's Cooter

First, please go here and read. Fetch was started by this chica and this chica is a contributor. I'm sure that if you read my blog, you probably read these other two blogs so you already know about and love Fetch.

Second, I've been away because I've been having an amazing time with Baloo. Which is no excuse. I shouldn't neglect my readers. I'll try to have more stories unrelated to Baloo in the future, but a lot of stuff has happened in the past week that has involved him.

One, I should probably explain the title of the post. Baloo decided to send this to me in an email that he tested negative for AIDS and we could proceed as planned. I liked getting that email at work as it made me laugh out loud. Good, so he has a sense of humor.

On Wednesday I worked from home and the two of us spent the day in bed. I was working, he was working on a crossword puzzle. We're so old. Before he left, he told me that he was offered a job in Colorado the day before and he was trying to hold off telling me. He had to have an answer by today, Thursday. Long story short, I was devistated and he was torn up. I finally pulled myself together and gave him my very mature opinion. We haven't known each other for that long. Although I could see myself with him for an extended period of time, he's always wanted to live in Colorado I hear there are a lot of trees there. I felt selfish saying anything else. I even prayed about it. I was unsure of what to pray. I didn't want it to be a selfish prayer like, "Please Lord let Colorado burn to the ground so Baloo can't leave." Instead I prayed that whatever the divine plan was, for both of us to be comforted by it.

I got three emails from Baloo today. Each more desperate and pathetic than the last. He was actually taking me into account in his decision. If he took the job, he said he'd never see me again. I was flattered to think that I actually matter that much. And then I got the call at 4:55. He was staying. I like to tell myself that he stayed for me. Actually, the job paid shit and he wouldn't get health benefits. It was a deal breaker for him. I'll still believe he stayed for me.

So that's where we stand. Not much more is going on between work, him, and school. However, I don't want my blog to turn into a play by play of everything Baloo and I do together. Therefore I will make it my mission to look for more new stories. Starting with my trip to Atlanta in one week!

Saturday, October 14, 2006 

Gold Star

To my readers, commenters, and guys ROCK! Thanks for all the good vibes and support!

Friday, October 13, 2006 


I’ve found myself preparing for the worse. It hasn’t been a full week and I’m already bracing for doomsday. I’m more sure that I’m going to do something to fuck it all up. Maybe he’ll catch me kicking a kitten or pushing a pregnant woman down the stairs. Or mistreating a tree. Something. And he’ll see me as the self centered bitch that I really am and he’ll see that I really don’t mesh with his hippie, nature loving crowd.

Now I definitely don’t plan on changing. If I had a choice between a $1000 pair of 4”
Jimmy Choo and a $50 pair of comfortable Birkenstocks, you know I’ll go for the heels. And I don’t plan on changing him. I’ve already told him I like his (very well maintained) beard even when he hinted that he thought he’d shave it. And I don’t mind that he only owns one suit. Which he only bought because he was in someone’s wedding.

But even with all that, I’m sure it’s all going to go to hell. Roomie asked me what I’m looking for. If I wanted just a booty call or something long term. I think we’re past the level of a booty call. But long term is just as scary. His longest relationship was 2 years. Mine was 3 months. Added to that, he just broke up with his girlfriend of 1.5 years 2 months ago. Which makes me think that I may be the rebound girl. Kipper told me if I visualize it all going to hell this early in the game, there’s a high likelihood that it will. Instead just focus on what’s happening today and let the rest take care of itself.

Fine. I’ll try to be relaxed. So long as no kittens or preggers women cross my path.

Thursday, October 12, 2006 

Strictly Physical

“I don’t think I slept at all that first night we were together.”
“Wait, you mean the very first night? When I was totally passed out in your bed?”
“Yeah. Cause I was just so excited that I was actually sleeping next to you.”

Now I’m the first one to admit that I’m a whore. I like that guys are attracted to me because I wear short skirts and have a great ass. When I’m out I like all attention to be on me and I ooze sexuality. It’s fun. Cause when I actually bag these guys, it’s like I just conquered them. And I win. I can deal with creepy, one dimensional characters. Because I know that I’m smarter than they are and I hold all the ‘cards’ as you will, in the end. However, I am not prepared for statements like the one above. Especially since nothing even happened that first night.

He made me dinner last night. During the course of some conversation, I mentioned that I L-O-V-E Mexican food. The next night he invited me over for dinner. Sure, I freaked out a little. The only other man who has cooked for me was Old Man. And that’s just because….well, let’s just say it was because we both gave a little to get a little. Baloo said we were having tacos. I expected we’d order in, sit on the couch, and watch Comedy Central while eating yummy, delicious tacos. Nope. Not happening. Instead, I made the long journey to his house to smell spices coming from the kitchen. And on the dining room table? Actual plates and silverware and folded napkins. Well, they were actually paper towels, but they were folded very nicely. Here began panic attack number 2. Wow. We were really having dinner. Where we sit across from each other and hold a conversation. Booty calls aren’t supposed to have conversations. Hell, we really weren’t supposed to see each other in full, natural light. Now you want to sit down and have a meal….with silverware?! I had to busy myself with cutting limes so as to not run out of the house erratically waving my arms over my head and screaming. I could do this.

After dinner we retired to his room where we watched The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. My mind was racing. I couldn’t get into anything we were doing. What does this all mean? This is a booty call, right? Well if that’s the case, why was I fed homemade food? Maybe because he’s a grad student he’s too poor to afford to take me out to dinner so we stayed in. So maybe he’s still just in it for the sex. Then his roommate came home. That made me even more uncomfortable. I’ve been living alone for so long that I feel it inappropriate to be naughty when other people are around. I kept telling Baloo that I had to go home. He told me that just because I got fed didn’t mean I was obligated to sleep with him. Oh honey, that’s built into my genes. The more expensive the meal, the more willing I am to put out.

So, we went next door to The Dungeon. I know that I happen to be a pretty loud person (chalk it up to my Napoleon complex) and the last thing I wanted to do was be reprimanded my Baloo’s roommate. Especially since the roommate is the one who’s paying the mortgage.

And it was great. He voluntarily told me that he went to
OLIN to get tested earlier in the day. Well, I know why he really told me that, but it was so responsible. I hadn’t even given him the speech yet about responsibility and the spread of diseases (I’m kinda OCD about STDs. It has a lot to do with the fact that I volunteer at the AIDS center here in town) and he had taken it upon himself to get tested. How could I resist after that?

For a person who was elated just to have the opportunity to sleep next to me, he was quite pleased to get the total package. But in a gentlemanly way. He told me that he’s secretly freaking out about our proximity to each other and about how convenient it is for us to see each other. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one freaking.

We spent the entire night talking. I mentioned that it was goofy. The only reason we were doing it was because everything was new and fun and shiny and you want to know everything about the other person because it’s scary to think that you’ll eventually have to get out of bed and resume your normal lives. It was goofy. And I called him on it. Hey, someone’s got to be able to keep a level head.

I was late for work again this morning. Second time this week. We’ve got to come up with some sort of schedule.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 

For Your Enjoyment

Brilliant. That's all I can say. Welcome to my High School, and bits of my college experience. Enjoy.

Monday, October 09, 2006 

Off the Market…Sorta

After the disappointment with David, I decided that I was taking myself off the market. Not that I was ever on the market in the first place. In fact, I was never actively seeking anything in the first place. I just decided that I would focus more on myself than on other people.

Old Man called and wanted to take me to lunch so I met him in Detroit on Saturday (don’t worry. I didn’t make a trip out specifically to see him. I had things to do on my own.). During the course of lunch, Old Man made it clear he wanted me back. I think I knew for sure when he said, “We were so good together. Remember when I (insert sexually explicit language). That was great. We could be like that again.” Wow. There’s nothing classier than an over the hill man waxing sexually explicit language at a very nice restaurant over lunch. I told Old Man very frankly that I’m done with people…him included. I made sure to order something expensive and naturally he paid the bill.

On Saturday night I went to a get together down the street.

Backstory: I met this very nice couple in February. They live at the end of my block. I invited my next door neighbor (we’re gonna call him Baloo and I’ll explain that later. Just stick with me) to my Superbowl party. In our drunken clarity Baloo suggested that I meet the nice couple because they are awesome people. This turned into our drunk asses showing up at their doorstep at like 11 at night randomly. Since then every time husband sees me he comes to speak and he invited me down to their house for a party.

So I get to the couple’s house and we sit around drinking and talking. During the course of the evening, one girl brought out her knitting since we were just sitting around and talking and I got real excited. I too am working on a knitting project for Daddy Kiki and I ran back to The Dungeon to get it. So we knitted. It was cool. I must also take the time to tell you right now that there wasn’t a person over 35 at this party. I’m telling you, we party hard.

Now, while we’re knitting and having beers, Baloo walks in. I haven’t talked to Baloo since my party and he lives right next door to me. I’m not sure what happened but neither of us called each other afterwards and we fell out of touch. I was kinda disappointed because Baloo and his roommate are pretty cool and I thought it would have been cool for us to be able to get together. Anyway, Baloo comes to the knitting bee and we say hello. Nothing more. A few hours later people leave and the hostess passes out so the host, Baloo, and I go back to Baloo’s house to continue the evening where we drink some more and watch episodes of Family Guy. And for some reason I thought that Family Guy was the most fucking hilarious thing I had ever seen.

And I spent the night.

And then later on Baloo came over to The Dungeon to watch Desperate Housewives and he subsequently spent the night. It’s good to be back on top…and bottom.

So now we must get to the reasoning for Baloo’s nickname. Naturally, after giving Kipper the play by play of the evening’s events, he came up with the nickname. Baloo actually works in the forest. Well, not really. He’s getting his Masters to work in the forest and save trees or something. He’s kinda a hippie. Not a ‘I don’t shower or eat meat’ hippie. More of a ‘I understand we must protect the environment and I want to make money doing that just not so much money that I lose touch with ‘the people’ and become part of the bourgeois.’ Which is cool with me. I’m getting laid either way. Oh yeah, so his name is Baloo because he works with trees. And also for another reason that I will go into on a later date…maybe I’ll share it with you if Baloo and I can stick it out for a month.

So back to the title of the post. I’m still off the market. The situation with Baloo means nothing. Again, I’m definitely a proponent of booty calls and hooking up. Especially since I have the ability to call him for a booty call and he can be at my doorstep in less than 30 seconds (you have to admit, that shit is pretty cool!). But I definitely don’t want this thing with Baloo to get deep. He’s my neighbor. I don’t see him everyday, but come on, he lives less than 100 feet away from me. I’m smart enough to keep this strictly physical.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006 

Friday Night Lights

There's a show on TV that mentions both Notre Dame and Texas. My two true loves. Is there anything better?



When I was a senior in high school, my friends set me up with this guy to go to our winter formal. He was nice enough. We all met at our friend’s house where we took pictures and then headed on the party bus to our dinner destination. During dinner, my date had his elbows on the table the entire time. After dinner we got back on the bus and headed to the dance. I didn’t talk to him for the rest of the night because of his discretion. So, when David directed me to meet him for lunch at a restaurant that had gone out of business, I knew it was my duty to give him a hard time thereafter.

We finally ended up at
House of Ing. I’m not really a lunch person. Most days I don’t eat lunch. I just go home and watch Divorce Court . I wasn’t really in the mood for Chinese but I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go last minute. David was chatty. I wasn’t. He immediately knew there was something wrong and I explained to him that I’m a woman of organization and planning. Since he picked the lunch spot, he should have confirmed that they were open for business. Not gone out of business. He apologized and said that maybe it was ‘meant to be’ that we ended up at House of Ing.

I let him do all the talking. By this time I had written him off. When the check came we both stared at it. He asked me, “Is this something that you can expense to your company?” To which I responded, “I only expense meals that I have with important people.” He was stunned. I was serious. I eventually ended up paying. If it was going to cost me $13 to get him off my back, well money well spent. After the check was paid he talked some more. He wanted me to ask questions since he spent the entire hour asking me things. I had two questions for him. “How old are you?” “32.” “Are you married?” “Yes.” After he said that he looked away and took another sip of his Coke. At least now I’m getting in the habit of asking.

Even before I had a chance to ask my two deciding questions I gave him a hard time. I didn’t smile. I didn’t eat my egg drop soup. I told him I intentionally put up barriers because I don’t really like for people to get to know me. I asked him if I intimidated him. Even though he said no, I knew he was uncomfortable. I was doing everything in my power to make him sweat. To punish him for sending me to an out of business restaurant. I wanted to make sure he only made that mistake once. But I do have to give him credit for trying. He was nice and friendly. He genuinely wanted to get to know me. I’m done with him. He’s married. And I remember how shitty I felt the last time I was tricked into going out with a married man and I’d rather be alone than feel shitty again. I told him about my conquest of Fetsby and how I held out till I got jewelry and then dropped him. He commented that it’s so one dimensional for anyone to only have the end goal of sex in mind. Oh, don’t be so critical. Before I outed you on being married, I’m sure it was on your mind too.

I guess I was just so fucking tired of being lonely. Yeah I hook up occasionally. That’s done to please me. But I miss having someone else want to be around me for reasons other than sex. Maybe I’m partially to blame. If I find something (a man) I want, I’m quick to let it be known and to grab it. That usually ends up as a roll in the sack. Conveying actual feelings is a much harder task that I’m just too stubborn to learn and apply.
Sure he’s not attractive. Sure he doesn’t have the highest paying job. Sure he doesn’t have a graduate degree (now that I’m in the process of getting mine, I’ve added it to my list of ‘must haves’ for a person who wants access to my time). But I don’t say no. I have a hard time of weeding out the losers for fear of being judgmental. Plus, if I say no, it’s just one more opportunity to be alone. And yes, I’d rather go out with a skinny, unattractive guy who’s really into me and willing to spend time with me than

Since he figured out I’m not big on eating, he asked if I would meet him for a drink in the future. He must have picked up real fast on the fact that I love my alcohol. I didn’t give him a definite answer. As he walked me to my car I told him that I’m not as scary as I portray myself. And then I drove away.

Monday, October 02, 2006 

For Your Enjoyment

You ain't BAD! You ain't NOTHING! How this brought me back. Enjoy!

About me

  • I'm young, single, got a great ass, a serial dater, a sometimes drunk, addicted to the gym, liable to make fat girls cry, have a mild ED, think Notre Dame is the greatest college and Texas is the greatest state. Currently at a standstill since moving from Detroit Area, Michigan (tons of yuppies) to Mason, MI (noted KKK presence). Come be a part of my random, shocking, and exciting world.
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