Saturday, July 30, 2005 

See, what had happened was....

I was so excited to see The Cop today. I even had a schedule. I woke up at 7A (because my body thinks that's a fun game to play on the weekends), cleaned my house, took a shower, shaved, smelled pretty, then took a nap. Left for Detroit at noon. Caught a workout at Bally's. Now this is where the emotional rollercoaster of my day began.

I wanted to run three miles today at Bally's. I'm training a girl in the office to run a 5K in September, and I wanted to get in a full three miles today. I couldn't do it! For some reason, I couldn't finish the entire three miles. Thus began my first breakdown of the day. I started freaking out that I was getting old and I wouldn't be able to do the things I could actively do when I was younger. I never want to be that person. So after my run I made a resolution to not eat for the rest of the day. To punish my body for not being young. However, I passed the scale in the locker room and decided to weigh myself. Turns out I've lost about 3-4 pounds since I last weighed myself (probably when I lived back in Detroit). This lifted my confidence. I then decided I wouldn't eat for the rest of the day to stay skinny.

I texted The Cop on my way from the gym to the mall. We had kinda agreed to meet up and he would take me on a motorcycle ride today since the weather was PERFECT. The Cop called me back when I was in Marshall Fields buying Kipper's birthday present and I missed his call. By the time I called him back, I couln't reach him.

While listening to the message from The Cop, I happened to pass by Victoria's Secret. I was looking at a really hot maroon number (so apprently what I saw wasn't online, so just take a look at this hot maroon number) when I happened to complain to the sales associate that I can never wear the cute stuff cause it starts at a size 34B. She asked me what I thought I was and I replied, "Oh, I'm a 34A." To which she threw back her head and laughed. God, I love black people! She called over two other associates and told them that I thought I was a 34A and they laughed as well. One of the girls was a timid white girl skinnier than Kate Moss and she opened her jacket to show me what a real A cup was. I am not an A cup. My sales associate had me try on a 34B and it fit so well! So, not only have I lost weight, but my boobs were getting bigger. I couldn't wait to let The Cop in on this discovery!

Trouble was, I couldn't get ahold of The Cop. He always keeps his phone on vibrate. You know, just in case he's going into a crackhouse in Detroit trying to apprehend a suspect and he's being all stealthy. That's the most inconvenient time for Ludicris' Hoes in Different Area Codes to go off. So I was getting tired of the mall, it had been 2 hours since he left that VM, and I was getting impatient. So, naturally, I left him a nasty VM, got in a huff, and left Detroit.

Fast forward three hours later when The Cop calls to apologize. I had a drink by then so I was nice and livid. What was his excuse for not calling me for three hours? He was visiting a friend in the hospital...the Psych Ward! But before that he was with his nephwes at the pool and helping his mother at her house, and donating a kidney. How can you be mad at that?! It was the crazy friend in the hospital that really touched me. Lord knows that one of these days I'm sure that's gonna be me, and at least I can count on The Cop blowing off a girl to come visit me.

So The Cop did apologize and tell me that he'd make it up to me anyway I like. I'm gonna have to take a few days to think about that so I can make it really good. I'm thinking a trip out of town with me will be in his future.

Monday, July 25, 2005 


How much of our happiness is really dependant upon other people?

I'm sitting at my desk today listening to a lil
Mariah (as you do when you're in love, you're unsure if you're in love, or you've just broken up and you're convincing youself that you're still fine) and I got to thinking of how much I'm so excited about last weekend. However, this girl just bought her first house on her own and she closes on said house on Friday. Folks have asked me if I'm excited. I say I am, but there are a ton of things that still need to be done to The Dungeon for me to be truly excited. There are still major purchases to be made, as well as a huge mortgage, and the hassle of moving. Sure I'm excited that I'm just a tyke and I made the most important purchase of my adult life, but all I can think about now is how my world was rocked on Saturday night and what I can do to get a piece of that in the future.

OMG. I'm a junkie. One hit and I'm addicted.

I just thought it was interesting how my priorities are so outta wack. I should really focus on The Dungeon and the happiness it will bring me instead of some guy who's been known to split at the drop of a hat.

Being an adult sucks sometimes.

Sunday, July 24, 2005 

Best Week(end) Ever

I had such a nice time with The Cop. It wouldn’t have happened had Kipper and Tiffy not pushed me to be more aggressive. I called on Saturday night after he got off from work and let him know that I was in Detroit (lie #1) and if he was up to it I could stop by his place before heading back to Lansing. He called me back and said his house was a mess. I gave him one hour and ten minutes to get things cleaned up before I came over. Conveniently, Lansing is one hour and ten minutes away from his house.

We had a nice time when I got there. His house is very nice. It was clean but looked lived in. He either did a ton of cleaning in that hour or he’s one of those people who think their house is dirty because two things are out of place. If you want to see dirty, come to my house about mid week. And I’ll show you dirty.

Anyway, it was a nice time. We really had caught up when we talked on Thursday night, so we didn’t have much to catch up on. We just kinda sat around and watched TV. I had one beer when I was there. For some reason I didn’t want to be drunk. There was really no need to drink. That helped later on.

For some reason I have déjà vu right now…maybe Kipper mentioned this, but I remember thinking what I was going to blog while I was lying there in his bed. How it’s nice to be with a man. You know, the way a man feels. How women are soft, but men are rough. But it’s a good thing. How their chest feels with a wiry mat of hair. Or the texture of their face at 4 a.m. when they have just enough stubble that needs to be shaved. Or how when he sighs he sounds like the purr of a big cat. Not actually a growl or a purr, but something deep and manly and inbetween. I was lying in bed with my face buried in his back, arm slung around his waist thinking I would write something close to that.

It was a good time. I think he was really focused on bringing his rating of a 3 up that night. His hard work paid off. He easily made it to a 4. Not that I have a rating or anything, but I knew it was on his mind.

He had to go to work in the morning so he got dressed and put on his uniform. I had never seen him in his uniform before. He looked hot. I almost made him seriously late for work ;-) But he walked me out to my car and kissed me a couple times outside his house. That was cute. Kinda like telling the rest of the neighborhood that he got some last night and wasn’t afraid to show her off in the morning. Before I left he asked if he could call me later on that day.

Which makes me question why he’s not married to/dating anyone. He’s the nicest person. He carries a gun. He’s witty but not obnoxious. He’s beyond patient with crazy Mama Kiki. He’ll give you the shirt off your back if you ask nice enough. Except for his obsession with his dead pet (I cut him some slack cause he really did love that dog) he’s the best guy ever. I’m trying not to get attached at all. Trying to take a page from Daddy Kipper’s book titled How to Play it Cool with an Older Guy Who Lives Out of Town. Sometimes I think that if we went out just a couple more times, we could get back to where we were before he went crazy on me. But I’m pushing that outta my mind. I’m gonna be cool. I’m not gonna call him until this weekend. If he wants to talk to me, he knows how to find me.

Friday, July 22, 2005 

I'm gonna finally have sex!...Well not really so much now

So you ever have that moment, right after you leave your house for work/school that you catch your reflection in a shiny object and think to yourself, “Dear Lord, what was I thinking when I put this outfit together?” But you’re groggy and a little hung over and you’re already late so you just go with what you have on. I’m dealing with that this morning.

Now the reason why I’m groggy is because I didn’t get home till after midnight last night. And we all know that that’s pretty late for Mama Kiki. Anyway, I was at the Tiger’s game in Detroit. I remembered that the Cop worked Tigers games directing traffic, and when my group left the park, I scanned Woodward to see if he was around. I saw a guy that looks vaguely like him, but not wanting to be an idiot and try to say hello, I just passed him by. Now for background (I don’t think I have ever written about the cop) The Cop and I dated about a year ago. He was real sweet and nice and one day he dropped off the face of the earth. Everything was peachy. I remember the last time I saw him and everything was good. Then he just wouldn’t return my calls. Just like that.

When I got home I looked up The Cop in my Book of Conquests and called him up. He answered and was pretty surprised to hear from me. We ended up talking for two hours. I asked him if he was at the game and he told me he was. I described where he was and who he was talking to and I did in fact see him. I told him I was in the limo parked in front of the park and he told me he totally saw our group. It was nice talking to him. I had just complained to Tiffy earlier how I missed talking to a boy. He did the trick. He explained why he dropped off the face of the earth. His dog died and he was pretty devastated so he just disappeared for a while and never bothered to tell me. He apologized profusely and told me that he would have gone about the whole situation differently looking back in hindsight. I happened to tell him about my speeding ticket (court date in August) and he offered to try to help me out to clear his karma. I had no objections!

When I was talking to him I remember what a nice guy he was. And I kept wondering out loud why he was such a jerk to me. He mentioned that he wants to take an early retirement soon and spend his time volunteering with Big Brothers/Big Sisters and undergoing surgery to give his eyes to blind people (not really with the latter one!). But the thing about The Cop... He was serious. He would really do those things. He’s not like Husky who would complain about his corporate job and how he never did anything for his community and then sit on his hands. The Cop is just the guy to take in stray animals, mentor children, and walk old ladies across the street.

So by the end of our two hour conversation, we turned to sex. As one does when you live in Mason, haven’t seen a sex worthy man since you’ve been here, oh, and you’re ovulating! Now since I’ve never written about The Cop before, I’m sure you don’t remember the story about how loud he is. The man is so loud. So loud in fact, that one time my neighbor who lived below me banged on her ceiling with a broom and shouted, “SHUT UP!” So in out discussion, I mentioned to The Cop that I rated him a 3. Now, in all reality, I don’t have a rating system in my Book of Conquests. Just nicknames, birthdays, and quirky info…but no rating. I explained that The Cop could have easily been a 3.75 had he not been so loud. That’s when he told me he’s a perfectionist and he’s willing to do what it takes to bring that score up to a 5. At that point I melted. Kids, really. I haven’t had sex since the War Between the States. And really, I haven’t thought about it. I’ve been so busy with The Dungeon and its preparations that I’ve been turned on by landscaping ideas more than men. And although The Cop was loud, I remember him being extremely effective. So talk like that gets a girl to thinking. We made an appointment for next weekend. You know, so he could see my new house and all. Too bad that I’ll have a most unwanted visitor. I think I’m gonna have to reschedule. Damn.

Saturday, July 16, 2005 

If it dresses like a's probably a whore

First off, did I mention I almost got fired from the PTJ for dressing like a whore? I walked in on Friday wearing a skirt that apparently was more than 2" above my knee. I'd worn it all day at the real job and I planned on going out later that night. Because I live in BFE, I sometimes have to wear my whoring clothes to work to save myself a trip.

Anyway, they wanted me to sign some sheet that said i violated the dress code. I wouldn't sign it 'cause I didn't think the skirt was that short. So, I have to go in on Monday before an appeal board where they will make a decision. I think I'll wear the skirt again and bend over a lot.

Men seem to be more bold with women nowdays. Well, at least when they're hiding behind chatroom doors and I'm sitting online right now playing solitaire and listening to some Ysaÿe Quartet. I'm approached by a man. I like your pic, he says. I have a fake pic online anyway, so he actually likes the pic of a girl i cut out of a magazine. I think he may be cool. I do try to give people the benefit of the doubt (unless I don't like their shoes) so I ask him how he's doing? This prompts him to ask me if I'd like to suck his dick.

How did we get there? How is "How are you doing" a segway to "Will you suck my dick?"

Maybe I'm getting old, but that kind of shit really turns me off. Do men really think women will respond by saying, "Gee, I didn't have anything going on tonight. Sure, I might as well spend the better half of a Saturday evening sucking your dick! You totally read my mind!"

If men are going to be so bold, I've decided that I'm going to ask for what I want in the first three sentences of a conversation. "Hi. I'm Kiki. I like your picture. Do you want to give me some hard cold cash?" Maybe I'll try that next time. If men seriously think women will perform sexual acts on a person who randomly IMs them, I'm justified to think a man will likewise give me money.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005 

The night of the crazies

I’m trying my best to be more accepting of Lansing. I’m trying to be less judgmental and open myself up to the wonderful opportunities that Lansing provides…socially. However last night I met the reason why I stay locked away in my house not interacting with the Lansing public.

I guess I’m on a bi guy trip right now. I met another one last night. I took him to the same bar I met the first bi guy at. Dan is in his late 40s, has a 15 y/o kid, and is an attorney. Kiki said she was from Atlanta. Anyway, Dan was a bit more outgoing than the first guy but was pretty skeevy. I mentioned that I was looking to have a good time and hang out and make the best of my situation in Lansing. He suggested a few bars, all of which I had been to and disliked. Then he suggested Omar’s. Now, if you’re from these parts, you know that Omar’s is this hole in the wall strip bar. I’ve never been there, but from what I hear, it’s not all that spectacular. Besides, I like my chain strip bars like Crazy Horse in Las Vegas. Getting back to the story, he suggests that I go to Omar’s for a good time. He seriously suggested that. Because there’s nothing odd about a straight girl going to a female strip bar by herself.

At that point, I was done with Dan and I started to tune him out. I did however make kissie face with the guy sitting next to Dan who told me he was from Montana and a sales rep for Pepsi. Wish I would have gotten his number.

Dan went on to tell me that he was a plaintiff’s attorney for accident injury claims. I don’t think it helped the situation much at all when I threw back my head, laughed, and shouted, “You’re an ambulance chaser!” Dan didn’t think it was so funny. Whatever. Now I see why he suggested that I go to Omar’s to have myself a good time.

So I met the gem of Lansing when I heard some unintelligible yammering going on to my right. An extremely intoxicated man (remember kids, it’s a Tuesday night) spilled his beer all over the bar and began apologizing. Think of the most intoxicated you've ever seen me (whether on the floor of a Holiday Inn in South Bend, Being carried out of a bar by a Buffalo Bill in New York, or any of the numerous times I've been to Chicago) and multiply that by, oh I don't know, 1800. He had blond, stringy hair that came down to his shoulders and a whispy blond moustache. He accidentally spilled some of his beer in his cigarettes, so he removed all of the cigarettes from their container and put them on the seat separating us. Minutes later, he tapped me on the shoulder. “Excuse me, miss? Can I buy some of those cigarettes off you?” He slurred. “Sure. How much you got?” I answered. “I’ll give you $1 a piece for them.” “Ok, let’s see your money.” “Wait a second. These are my cigarettes!” I later learned that my new found friend was a truck driver. I feel sorry for anyone who had to share the road with him after that encounter. I left the bar after that and prayed I’m make it to my car and not be rapped or murdered.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005 

He knows the way to my heart

Although I sometimes think Daddy Kiki and I never think on the same page, (So Kipper, how do you enjoy living in Minnesota?), I like that the man really does get me.

I had to take some pictures last week and of course I sent Daddy Kiki the copies of the pics I thought I looked cute in. We emailed back and forth. I told him that there were a ton of pictures taken, but I only sent him the ones I looked cute in. His response:

Well, you look beautiful in all of them, of course, I am biased because I'm your

He takes the time to humor to his vain, shallow daughter. And it works every time.

Sunday, July 10, 2005 

A bi guy, my neighbor, and a guy I refuse to fuck

Last night I had a drink with a closeted bi man. He's an atty, older, and not really my type, but I figured I had nothing else going on on a Saturday night. Why not?

Steve sat at the bar with me and we had a drink. I couldn't believe he was bi or even experimented at all. He looked kinda uncomfortable in our bar surrounding, he was overweight, balding, and his shirt had his top button undone. I could see a mass of grey hair. I made some small talk with him, but when I sensed that he was uncomfortable, I tuned him out and started watching the tennis match on TV over his shoulder. He tried to make conversation about politics, and that's when I stopped him and told him that I didn't speak politics/religion while drinking. Meanwhile I had been making eye contact with the three guys sitting next to Steve. Two of the guys left, and the third guy, Will, butted into our conversation. I gave him a bit of hell for it a first but was secretly glad that someone else joined the boring conversation. Will's friend Jim soon joined us and we were a foursome.

I knew there was something not right about Steve when we started talking about aliens. And how he believed they existed. Will and Jim humored him for a while, but it seemed a bit like we were in high school, egging on the weird kid, just to laugh at him later behind his back. I had a pretty good time with the other boys, though. Will tried to bet me $100 that I was older than him (he was 25). I went with it. I knew he didn't have the money, and I wanted to try my bluffing skills. He was really torn. He had $70 in his pocket and wanted to try to make the bet with that, but I told him the terms were $100. Plus, in all reality, Kiki didn't have $100 to lose!

So by the time I get home, I see that my neighbor's friend's car is sitting in the parking lot. I call my neighbor and tell him I'm standing outside his door. He tells me that he and Chris are downtown, but will be home in 30mins. He said he'd send Chris over. Already I wasn't liking this situation. Chris must have told my neighbor I made a pass at him last time, and because Chris was to dumb to take me up, my neighbor was determined to get us together. Sorry. You only get one chance at Kiki. If you're foolish enough to pass it up, you don't get another try.

When the boys didn't arrive in 20mins, I got ready for bed and climbed into bed. Then they came over with drinks. My neighbor "conveniently" forgot his drink at his place (literally 10 steps away from my front door) which left Chris and I together. We had a nice chat a first. We sat on the couch drinking and talking. I reiterated that I only deal with boys over 30 (Chirs is 23). He told me I should go to Okemos for the professional over 30 scene. Thanks Chris! In the back of my mind I was wondering how he planned to make a pass at me. At first we were sitting on the couch face to face. That would have been a great opportunity. Then I suggested a movie. He agreed and then sat on the opposite end of the couch spread out with his feet facing mine. Well I grabbed a blanket and covered up. The top part of his body was no where near mine. It's 3:30 am at this point and he tells me he has to get up at 5 to go fishing with his neighbor. I suggestively ask if he plans on going to sleep or staying up the entire time. He missed his mark and said he'd probably go to sleep but he didn't want to go back to his friend's place. What? I was done with him. I gave him 2 options. Well, you can stay and watch the movie with me, or you can go back to your friend's apt and get some shut eye. Confused, he got up and asked me to tuck him in at his friend's house. Really. He did. I made a crazy face at him and told him I was comfortable and I didn't plan on walking across the hall to 'tuck him in.' Then I added, I could have tucked you in the last time you were here but you passed that up. hehe. Bitch, I know.

So Chris left and went to my neighbor's. I was looking at Chris last night. He's very attractive. Dark hair, blue eyes, nice tan, white teeth, nice arms. Looks like a mini Abercrombie model. But I think the fact that he's socially awkward with me turns me off. I'm mean, if he's this awkward with our clothes on, I can imagine how awkward it may be with our clothes off. Plus, I don't do guys under 30!

Saturday, July 09, 2005 


I don't know who says alochol is a depressant. It seems to be a stimulant with me. I decided to have a drink tonight...outof boredom and watch The Wonderful World of Disney. Tonight's movie is The Emperor's Groove (or something like that, you know I don't pay attention) and I started thinking, why haven't I seen this movie? It's hilarious! Or maybe I'm just drunk.

I need to find things to do tomorrow. I found a living room set that I really love at Art Van but it's almost $3000.00 and I can't afford it right now. Daddy Kiki thinks I should watch it carefully and just wait till it hits the clearance center and get it then. Um, Daddy Kiki, what about a nice, sizable donation to The Dungeon fund. I'd appreciate that better. So it's off to the furniture store tomorrow to get other ideas for a living room set. I also need to look at storage solutions at The Container Store. I'm so upset that there's not one around here. Welcome to the country!

Sorry I don't have my usual stories of weekend debauchery. They're few and far between nowadays. Hopefully that'll change with my visit to Indy soon.

Thursday, July 07, 2005 

Drugs are responsible for teaching America's Youth the Metric System

That title has nothing to do with this post. I just saw it on a T-Shirt on my way back from lunch. I thought I would share.

I had a nice 4th with Daddy Kiki. He made me lots and lots of food and I will never be hungry again. He also helped me pick out the lighting for the Dungeon. I will tell you about that later. We only got in one fight.

First the fight: I was lying on the couch watching Judge Mathis and Daddy Kiki was in the kitchen making the bar-b-q. While searching for spices he came upon my Xenedrine. He flipped! He said I was cheating at weight loss and that the stuff was bad for me and I might as well be doing cocaine! Actually...never mind. Anyway, he flipped his lid and I calmly told him that him yelling at me was not going to detor me from taking my pills. Then I stopped talking to him for an entire day and a half. But really, what did he expect? He's the one that encouraged my Slim Fast addiction. And we all know Slim Fast is just a gateway drug to pills.

But before the fight Daddy Kiki and I bought the entire lighting for the Dungeon. The contractor called on Wednesday and told me that I need to buy all of the lighting for the house and spend no more than $225.00. WHAT? Daddy Kiki and I ended up going to every Home Depot, Lowes, and Menards in the area. I had a breakdown in Lowes. I found some lighting in brushed nickel that I liked, but the house has specifications. Like I needed a certain amount of lights with 2 bulbs and some with 1 bulb. Then, I only wanted the lighting with the crystal domes instead of the frosted domes b/c the crystal domes emit more light. So I found all the brushed nickel lights with one blub and crystal domes but I couldn't find any 2 bulb brushed nickle crystal dome lights. Oh yeah, and staying within my $225.00 budget! I'm really surprised Daddy Kiki didn't knock me over the head with a light fixture and leave me in the aisles of Home Depot for someone to discover my body. But alas! Daddy Kiki came trhough! He was so patient and helped me find all my lighting and I'm only about $70 over budget. Which is a damn good job.

So Daddy Kiki left on Tuesday, I'm still working it at the PTJ, and I think I have plans to hang with the Serbian on Friday night. Now I've just gotta think of a cleaver way to get out of sleeping with him.

About me

  • I'm young, single, got a great ass, a serial dater, a sometimes drunk, addicted to the gym, liable to make fat girls cry, have a mild ED, think Notre Dame is the greatest college and Texas is the greatest state. Currently at a standstill since moving from Detroit Area, Michigan (tons of yuppies) to Mason, MI (noted KKK presence). Come be a part of my random, shocking, and exciting world.
My profile
Powered by Blogger
and Blogger Templates
eXTReMe Tracker

Locations of visitors to this page