I've Made A Huge Mistake!
Kids, I may have gotten myself into a bit of trouble.
Our Christmas party was last night. It was fun. I was less than amused that I had to leave my house on a Sunday AND shower, but I made up for it by looking hella hot. I’m sure most people were surprised because most of the time I look pretty plain at work. But tonight I was looking sexy. I was fully clothed, but I was working it. I told everyone that I was dressed up because I had a date afterwards. Well, if you consider going home and climbing into bed at 10P a date, then yes, I had a date!
So anyway, I end up talking to a chica at the party. Krista’s real nice and we start talking about relationships. I told her that the reason I date older men is because I’m selfish and impatient. Basically, most people marry to share experiences. They think it’s fun to save for their first house together and struggle together. Not me. I’m an instant gratification person. I want a man who comes with everything. The total package. Batteries included. No assembly required. So Krista mentioned that she had a friend for me she wanted me to meet. First let me describe him and then I’ll tell you why I will destroy this man.
Justin (actually I don’t remember the guy’s name, but I figure this name will do) just got a divorce from his wife. He was upset that she was away so much. He’s some kind of computer guy and he’s written a couple of books. Krista said that although he’s 100 year old, he’s looking to reconnect with a pure woman. In getting information about me to pass along to Justin, Krista asked if I’ve been with more than five men. I looked at her and said, “I’m in my 20s. Nowadays there are teenagers who have been with more than five men!” Apparently Justin wants to find a woman who hasn’t been with more than five men. Krista then looked at my face and saw all the makeup I was wearing. I have to admit that I usually don’t wear makeup. In fact, I’m not wearing makeup right now. However, I was looking hot last night and had some blazing whorish red lipstick on. Krista remarked that Justin doesn’t like it when women wear makeup either. However, Krista was impressed by my maturity and background, and she was sure that Justin and I would hit it off. The last woman Justin dated was Asian. Apparently Justin doesn’t like to show affection (this includes making out) so the Asian chick left him and married another dude within three months.
Now let me explain why this isn’t going to work. I will destroy this man! I was getting pretty uncomfortable because Krista was so excited about the hookup knowing that we would be lying and deceiving this poor man. I told her straight up not to build me up because I would probably be a disappointment to this man. If you know me well you know that what I’m looking for in a man is a good hot expensive meal, plenty of booze, a ‘good night’, and for him to leave before the sun comes out. I will destroy this man with my selfishness, my self-centeredness, and my general dislike of children. However, I will agree to go out with this man because I care for you, dear reader, and I feel my experience with him, however brief, will make some quality blogging material!
Our Christmas party was last night. It was fun. I was less than amused that I had to leave my house on a Sunday AND shower, but I made up for it by looking hella hot. I’m sure most people were surprised because most of the time I look pretty plain at work. But tonight I was looking sexy. I was fully clothed, but I was working it. I told everyone that I was dressed up because I had a date afterwards. Well, if you consider going home and climbing into bed at 10P a date, then yes, I had a date!
So anyway, I end up talking to a chica at the party. Krista’s real nice and we start talking about relationships. I told her that the reason I date older men is because I’m selfish and impatient. Basically, most people marry to share experiences. They think it’s fun to save for their first house together and struggle together. Not me. I’m an instant gratification person. I want a man who comes with everything. The total package. Batteries included. No assembly required. So Krista mentioned that she had a friend for me she wanted me to meet. First let me describe him and then I’ll tell you why I will destroy this man.
Justin (actually I don’t remember the guy’s name, but I figure this name will do) just got a divorce from his wife. He was upset that she was away so much. He’s some kind of computer guy and he’s written a couple of books. Krista said that although he’s 100 year old, he’s looking to reconnect with a pure woman. In getting information about me to pass along to Justin, Krista asked if I’ve been with more than five men. I looked at her and said, “I’m in my 20s. Nowadays there are teenagers who have been with more than five men!” Apparently Justin wants to find a woman who hasn’t been with more than five men. Krista then looked at my face and saw all the makeup I was wearing. I have to admit that I usually don’t wear makeup. In fact, I’m not wearing makeup right now. However, I was looking hot last night and had some blazing whorish red lipstick on. Krista remarked that Justin doesn’t like it when women wear makeup either. However, Krista was impressed by my maturity and background, and she was sure that Justin and I would hit it off. The last woman Justin dated was Asian. Apparently Justin doesn’t like to show affection (this includes making out) so the Asian chick left him and married another dude within three months.
Now let me explain why this isn’t going to work. I will destroy this man! I was getting pretty uncomfortable because Krista was so excited about the hookup knowing that we would be lying and deceiving this poor man. I told her straight up not to build me up because I would probably be a disappointment to this man. If you know me well you know that what I’m looking for in a man is a good hot expensive meal, plenty of booze, a ‘good night’, and for him to leave before the sun comes out. I will destroy this man with my selfishness, my self-centeredness, and my general dislike of children. However, I will agree to go out with this man because I care for you, dear reader, and I feel my experience with him, however brief, will make some quality blogging material!
what kind of books does a computer guy write? i'm very confused?
i wonder if he has a brother for me? i'm rather low on the number of souls i've consumed lately...
Posted by
Pocket Kip |
Tue Dec 20, 04:10:00 PM EST