Monday, June 23, 2008 

Grease Monkey

This weekend I helped Baloo out with his car. He got considerably more dirty than I did, but I did hold the flashlight, handed him various tools, and brought him water and a sandwich when I thought he needed it. Otherwise I was either reading a book out in the yard with him or watching the hick neighbors across the street.

One thing that sucks about the Michigan economy is that it's tanking. That means that my property value has gone way down and many of my neighbors have defaulted on their home loans, abandoning their property. It was a really nice neighborhood when I moved in with kids playing in yards and young families. Now, only three of the original neighbors remain.

Our new neighbors are hicks. I won't call them what I want to call them, because that's just mean. But to be nice, I'll say that they're hicks. On two occassions I've seen the woman (who I believe owns the home) having a shouting match with her baby daddy - also her currrent boyfriend - in the front yard. On one occasssion one the nice neighbors stayed in his yard watching just to make sure the baby daddy didn't hit her. Baloo and I call them the domestic dispute couple.

Anyway, domestic dispute couple decided to do some yard work while Baloo and I were working on the car. Their plan? Cut down a tree that's been in their yard for probably over fifty years. That's one of the great things about my neighborhood. Even though my house is newly built, all the other houses are old. And I live on a nice tree lined street. I can only imagine how long some of those trees have been around. Well, apparently the tree in domestic dispute couple's yard was creating too much carbon dioxide, so it had to go. So, naturally domestic dispute boyfriend calls over his hick dad and friend to take the tree down. Since Baloo is a tree hugger, he knows the proper way to prune and remove branches. He even has all the equipment to do so. The first thing the boyfriend did wrong was he had no support or harness when he climbed the offending tree. Just a chainsaw and a wobbly ladder. Fantastic, I thought! This would be my afternoon entertainment. Watching one of them seriously hurt themselves and perhaps take out the power to the entire neighborhood! Next, they decided to take down the tree the true hick way. Instead of starting at the very top and taking down branches until you get to a managable size, they decided to take down as huge of a chunk they could handle. Which, of course, resulted in them also taking down their phone and cable line. Genius! At one point they tied a rope to a branch to guide it's fall after the boyfriend made the cut. Unfortunately, they all have 4th grade educations, so the limb began falling into the house. So, they decided to tie the rope off to the back of their truck for additional strength/leverage. Baloo looked up from under the hood of his truck and whispered to me, "that rope is going to snap." And exactly two seconds later, the rope did indeed snap.

What's very fortunate is that no one got hurt and they did very minimal damage. But, they did get lucky each and every time they let some huge chunk fall to the ground. They used no skill whatsoever. And when they had cut down the beautiful tree with no damage, they grilled out and had some beers and talked about their awesome accomplishment. Good Lord I can't wait till I finish my degree so I can move out of this state!

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Friday, June 20, 2008 

One of the People

I took the bus to work today. I meant to take the bus to work and ride my bike back home, but my bike sprang a leak. So I took the bus both ways.

I felt so urbane. So one of the people. I sat up front and chatted with the bus driver. He was a nice fellow who told me where exactly to ring the bell to get off at my building! Such a nice character. And all the riders were nice and quiet.

And then I caught the bus home. It was like I was in a whole different world! The first bus I caught had all these clear plastic bags filled with clothing. Some of the African riders got off the bus and took the some of the bags off. Some bags remained. Then I got to the transfer station. That was a mess. There were tons of people standing around. Some loitering, not very many on busses. And there were a lot of security guards strolling around making sure everyone stayed in order. There were a lot of hoodlum looking no job having youths. Many with babies and baby strollers. I quickly found my transfer bus, put on my sunglass, and listened to my music.

On the ride home, there was a girl who didn't look older than 16 with her baby and what I guess was her baby daddy riding the bus. The baby daddy was talking to this lanky rough looking guy who was talking about almost being charged with a felony. When we approached my stop, I went to the front and asked the bus driver what was the best stop to get off at (I plan to ride the bus all summer) and a nice lady said that she lived on my street and she would show me. How helpful! We got off the bus together and crossed the street to get into our neighborhood. As we stood in the median, I saw the brown squished package and smelled something terribly foul. "I wish the city would come and pick up this dead animal. It's been here for two weeks," my new bus companion said.

And that was my adventure on the bus today. Damn you George Bush and these ridiculous gas prices! The end.


Thursday, June 12, 2008 


For the first time in a while, I was really horny. I think it's the fact that Baloo is gone so many days at a time. The anticipation of seeing him throws me into a frenzy. I was surprised that I actually finished my workout tonight. Because all I could think about while on the treadmill was how I was going to tear him apart.

After the gym I went to Barnes & Noble and picked up the new David Sedaris book. That's Baloo's favorite author. I rushed home and took a shower, put on scented lotion and a flirty and fun Victoria's Secret nightshirt. I wrapped his book and called Baloo over. "Which one do you want to open first? Me, or what's in the box?" Sensing that the box wouldn't take long to unwrap, he chose that first. He was very surprised and wanted me to read it to him when he spends the night. He likes when I read to him cause I do all the voices of the characters.

But then, he didn't want to unwrap me. He was tired. He'd worked a long day out in the heat and he was exhausted. I told him that I understood and told him to go back home and rest some more. I was going to hang out at my house and we'd get together later on tonight. So he came over about 4 hours later. And now he's in my bed and I'm sitting here writing at my computer. I can't blame him. I'm tired too. But I only get in this mood when the earth is tilted just right on its axis and the stars are aligned and I stand on one foot and squint. Translation: It doesn't happen often. And he's tired.

I'm not mad at him or upset. I think this is just one of those moments when I realize that reality has set in. And, the world doesn't revolve around me. Just like there are many nights that I'm tired (or feeling obese) there are nights when he feels tired too. I guess that's what it means to be in a grown up relationship. This is harder than I thought!

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Saturday, June 07, 2008 


I'm sure people won't like that I'm saying this, but I really didn't like the Sex and the City movie. I went to the movie because a girl I met a while ago invited me to hang out with her and her friends. I'm rather a loner and don't like to meet new people, but because he'll be moving soon, Baloo wants me to start making friends. So, he encouraged me to go and meet new people.

I like the girl I was hanging out with. But we also hung out with some friends of friends as well. Anyway, we all went out to the movie. I felt the whole thing predictable...and a little pathetic. Maybe I have a different viewpoint becuase I'm in a relationship now, and when I liked the show I was a single bed hopper like Samantha. But I think that it's sad that these women are 40 and 50 and are still searching for love and the happily ever after. I've been in a relationship with Baloo for over a year now and I know we're no fairy tale. We're happy together. He doesn't buy me roses, but he holds me when I'm sad and cares tremendously. Instead of girls thinking of the happily ever after, they should look at this movie and see what happens to women when the wedding becomes more important than the relationship. But that's just my two cents. I also knew it was time to make my exit when one of the girls in our group said, "That was the best 2 hours and 55 minutes EVER" and, "I was bawling the whole movie." Sigh. I fear these women may have missed the point.

Or maybe I'm happily attached and coming from a different vantage point. What did you think?

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Monday, June 02, 2008 

Has It Really Been 5 Years?

Baloo was sweet enough to come back to Notre Dame with me for my five year reunion. I can't believe I'm that old! It was a good time. Naturally the highlight of the trip was seeing Kipper. He's been hanging out in Indiana getting back to his roots or something. I'm not sure. I really try not to care. Other than that I got to see some friends I haven't connected with in ages, and friends who I mostly stalk on Facebook. I like how all my gay friends (yes there are gay people at Notre Dame) knew exactly who Baloo was just because they had successfully stalked me on Facebook. Good Lord I love stalking.

On Friday night, Baloo and I headed to the beer tent. Oh yeah, at Notre Dame, they have a beer tent that serves free beer from 9pm-1am. Then we went to the bar across the street, the Linebacker. We started out with our free drink - long island iced tea. Then I bought a round. Then Baloo bought a round. Needless to say, we were fairly drunk by the time they called for last call. Somehow we stumbled back to the dorm where I thought it would be an excellent idea to reconnect with some of the girls I lived in the dorms with back in college. So I went upstairs and grabbed one before she went to bed. I think I was so loud that I woke Vin up so she came out to investigate instead. Then Baloo and I went back to our room where we bumped uglies. Now, I know no one really wants to know about me and my steady bumping uglies. I mean, talking about sex isn't interesting unless it's anonymous and you steal something at the end of the night. But the reason I speak about bumping uglies now is because Baloo apparently blacked out. He 'finished' if you will, but he didn't remember anything happened the next morning. Fantastic! Kiki is back! If I would have known he blacked out, I would have stolen something from his wallet. Apparently he didn't remember visiting my friends upstairs when we came back from the bar either. I guess that's what Notre Dame drinking does to you.

On Saturday we took it easy and recovered from our hangovers enough to play some golf. I was really excited as I haven't played golf since last summer. I had the worst golf experience ever. Let's just say the Spirit of Notre Dame does NOT live at the Warren Golf Course unless you're an obsessive compulsive golfer. Now, in Notre Dame's defense, Baloo didn't make things easier by wearing flip flops to golf. But still, it was Reunion weekend and we were there to have fun.

I wasn't having an easy time on the course so we let a total of three groups play through since I was so slow. Every group we let play though was very appreciative and very nice. The golf ranger wasn't so nice. He came by while I was teeing off and spoke to Baloo. Apparently he very condescendingly told Baloo that we were being very slow and we should let people play through. Apparently the Warren golf carts have GPS so they computer on board tells you how many minutes behind play you are. If it hits the yellow, speed up. If it hits the red, skip a hole. We were consistently three minutes behind the group in front of us and never hit the yellow warning. I was so angry and naturally I played even worse. However, Baloo was wonderful and cheered me up, letting me know that we were just out there for fun, and we wouldn't let some cranky old man ruin our time. And we didn't.

So yeah, that was Reunion. It was fun. I got to see a lot of people and Baloo and I got to hang out. A good time was had by all.

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About me

  • I'm young, single, got a great ass, a serial dater, a sometimes drunk, addicted to the gym, liable to make fat girls cry, have a mild ED, think Notre Dame is the greatest college and Texas is the greatest state. Currently at a standstill since moving from Detroit Area, Michigan (tons of yuppies) to Mason, MI (noted KKK presence). Come be a part of my random, shocking, and exciting world.
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