Sista sLedge.r

I’ve been tempting the parking gods all day. If you know Downtown Lansing, the meter maids are relentless. This afternoon, I didn’t even put money in the meter when I went to lunch. When I came out an hour and a half later, no ticket. My luck is so good I’m gonna go out and buy a lottery ticket.

I went to lunch today with a boy I met thru a networking organization here in Lansing. I met him last week and sent him an email the next day. He responded and suggested we go to lunch. We met up today. When I met Jason, I knew I wouldn’t be interested. Sure, he was attractive, but he graduated from college just last year, so of course, he was much too young. But I thought he was a cool person and maybe I could pick up a new drinking buddy. Because you can never have enough drinking buddies.

I met Jason at a small Mediterranean place downtown. He was hot. Naturally. We sat and chatted. It was a nice lunch. We talked about everything from homeownership to men who marry women ½ their age. We talked golf, tennis, Notre Dame. An hour and a half later when we were finally done, he offered AND paid for lunch. (There’s a difference between just offering and going thru the deal. He did both.) But then he threw a wrench in my happy lunch. He handed me a brochure for his company. It’s a list of questions for me to answer to find out if I need to use his business services. As he handed it to me, he asked me to fill it out and then call him later and we could go to lunch again and go over my answers. Before we parted ways, I invited him to a party that I’m hosting for work. I told him that there will be free food, and since I’m planning the whole thing, he’s welcome to stop by. He told me he would love to.

Then, I get back to the office and I already have an email from him. When we emailed to set up lunch, I used my personal account. However, when he emailed me this afternoon, he used my business email account which is listed on my business cards.

So here’s what I think. I think he’s just good at his job. I think he paid for lunch b/c he can write it off as a business expense. I think he gave me the brochure because that made it more legit that he was looking to make me a client. I think he used my work email address to again make it legit that he went to lunch with me to procure a client. So, where do I go from here? He is cute. Make out cute not anything else cute. You know my mantra. I don’t fuck boys under 30. But do I invite him to my work party? How long till I call him to discuss my “answers” from his brochure? Do I ever call him back at all? See, my life was so much better and less complicated when a boy wasn’t involved. Boys suck.

Yesterday I grilled. It was a long process and I had to call Daddy Kiki about 3 times to figure out how to start the grill, but I was successful. I have a smoker which is really cool and I finally gae up trying to the charcoal with paper, and broke down and used lighter fluid. Daddy Kiki said the lighter fluid gives the food a different taste and encouraged me to try to do it with paper next time. I might do that.

So, here is evidence that I now know how to grill. I made a sauerkraut topping and cooked that over the grill as well as my hot dogs. Mmmm! This will last me the entire week!

Last night I went on a two hour bike ride. I started out just wanting to try out my new bike and it turned into a bit of an adventure. Well, the bike's not new really. I bought it last weekend at a garage sale when I was in Royal Oak for $20. It needed $20 worth of repairs. I made out pretty well. There's a river not far from my house and apparently a very extensive bike trail. I started going one directon on the trail and it basically took me to the sketch part of town. But when I took the trail in the opposite direction, I ended up in the woods with musky smelling wildflowers, turtles, and bunnies. I ran into an old man who was fishing in the river. I stopped and talked to him. He told me about the fish that got away and all of the neat fish living in the river. It was quite a 1950s moment.

But being on my bike gave me time to think. My lawyer friend who's married to the hot doctor called me last night. She just had hre baby and moved back to Texas. I haven't talked to her in over a year. We caught up. She told me how much she loves being a mother and I told her how much my attitude had changed since I last talked to her. I still don't like Lansing, but at least I'm happier here. I love love love my job, I love The Dungeon, I'm glad I'm back in school. Things are progressing. I told her that I'm still not dating and that I don't even have any prospects. However, I'm more serious about who I spend my time with now. I'm in the process of positioning myself to be at a certain level in the next few years especially with my job and social status. I really want to make sure that the men I spend my time with will be compatible with where I'm trying to be. After I got off the phone with Steph, Hot Bod texted me. His texts were very incoherent but after several texts back and forth, he summed up everything by saying, "I Guess I (Hot Bod) was into you more than you were me...you're never behind me...either under me or over me...either way - you are hot...is it ok if I dress you up next time?"
When in the past I would have seen this as kinda hot and kinky, I guess I'm just not in the market for boys or sex. I'm on a mission right now. And I'm not gonna be distracted until I achieve my goals.

Oh, but for Reunion next weekend, I plan on getting plenty trashed and hooking up with as many single (or divorced) Notre Dame Grads over 30. I would never let Kipper or my readers down like that.

Now for the pictures:


This is a pic of my very first rose that is growing (and surviving at The Dungeon).
.
This is a picture of the bike. The bike should have a name. I feel there will be many adventures on the bike this summer.

And here are the pictures from the bike ride...

I'm not a Clay Aiken Fan. However, I had to post this, because I had snarky things to say about it to Daddy Kipper. However, I can't post those snarky comments due to me being labled 'mean' and 'insensitive.' So, you pretty much know what I had to say about this:



"

Dateline NBC regularly shows a segment called “To Catch A Predator.” If the show doesn’t conflict with any of my other regular shows I watch, I try to catch it. It’s a great segment. They have underage teens chat online and lure dirty old men to their houses where the interview guy interviews them and then they’re whisked off to jail. I don’t know what it is about the segment, but I love it when these men get caught. It’s unexpected, it’s dirty, it’s off the cuff. Like last night, the ‘girl’ told the man to strip down to birthday suit and sit on the couch and she would be in in a minute. Of course the interview guy came in as the naked man was prancing around the house. I laughed and laughed and laughed. There’s nothing better than having someone getting caught doing something wrong on national television.

Oh, and I wore pink shoes today. The Pink Shoe would be proud.

After my three hour golf lesson today, I came home and watched golf on TV. I'm becoming one of those people.

Oh, and I finally worked up the nerve to ask my golf instructor out. Until I found out that he graduated from college last year (obviously not over 30) and he has a girlfriend. I may still ask him out for a drink if I happen to run into him again at the course. Golf guys are pretty attractive.

So if any of y'all have Yahoo IM you know that at any given time that you're logged in, your gonna get some crazy people try to IM you and talk to you. Such was the case this afternoon. While looking for the nearest Roly Poly near my house, a young man IMed me and wanted to chat. Y'all know I actually don't like people, so I tried my best to be as distant as possible with him. Here is his response. Oh, and I haven't changed his screenname, just in case you want to harass him just for the hell of it! Oh, and P.S., I didn't delete anything I said. It's just that I chose to ignore him the entire time.

mark_0110: actually i don't care if you have a nice
day or not.. i think you've been very rude to me.. and i think that sucks..
mark_0110: but then again i doubt you give a crap
what i think or how i feel..
mark_0110: so i
think that this will be the end of whatever between you and i.. i don't care for
a woman like yourself that sits there and has nothing to say.. no interest in
getting to know me.. why should i waste my time on such a person?
mark_0110: i don't care for one sided people
mark_0110: but you probably don't give a shit, because you
don't really have any stand on anything
mark_0110: i will not be wasting my time on a person like
yourself..who has no clue about anything.. i can see why you're single
mark_0110: you have been deleted from my list.. and i don't
care to hear from your boring ass again.. what a loser
mark_0110 ..: actually go fuck yourself.. stupid cunt
tallguy49008: hello again.. think you could ignore me? well i will have the last word.. you stupid motherfucker.. i can see why you're single.. you definitely deserve it.. fucking loser

Someone needs to get laid!

I just got off a 'date' with Ron White. We went to dinner and saw a movie. Yep, he drove all the way from Detroit to take me to dinner and a movie. Too bad I'm not attracted to him.

Please consider the latest email I received from a guy I had been emailing for a couple months. I'm telling y'all! I know how to pick 'em!

My computer is down now so I'm sending this from work. Your trip sounded nice. I love weekend adventures of new and interesting things
including relaxation. I didn't see MI:III yet. Maybe this weekend. I don't see Tom as scary and crazy. I know a lot about Scientology, being one myself. Tom is very passionate about helping kids get off drugs and helping them learn how to read. He's uninhibited and expresses himself freely. Many of the Scientologists I've met are some of the most intelligent, caring people I've ever known. Of cousre as in any religion you get a variety of people. Tom is definately
intelligent being an acrobatic piolet and all. When I get pictures of my kitchen I'll have to send them. It sounds like you appreciate art and creativity which is great.

Yeah. I'm so done with him!

I'm starting a new segment called "For Your Enjoyment." This is for the times I really have nothing to say, yet I want to entertain you with something funny I found on the internet. So, here is the first installment of "For Your Enjoyment."

I'm in love with my golf instructor. Well, not really in love. Love is for the weak and mentally ill. No. I have a crush on my golf instructor. Today, while he was giving a lesson on chipping, all I could think about was taking him roughly in the rough. (You see how I did that? Roughly...like how I want to plow him, and rough...like a part of a golf course. Genius.)

Seriously tho. I can't figure out if he's over 30. Yesterday I thought he was, but today he looked about 27. He has perfect white teeth and he looks sun-kissed. Oh, and he smells good. Today when watching me chip he walked over and said, "Ok allstar, show me what you got." Oh I would have shown him what I'm capable of!

So that's the story of my crush. I only have two lessons left with him. However, I'm thinking of signing up for private instructions with him. You know. To find out if he's single and improve my game.

Have I ever told you how much I adore bat shit crazy people? If only I could spend a weekend with this dude. Maybe I could even meet Kate!

This weekend was spent in Chicago with Jenn & Roomie. And it was a wonderful time. So, let’s recap.

Thursday Night
I drove out to Detroit to catch the bus. I took Megabus. I suggest folks in the Midwest to take this bus because it is so cool. If you book your ticket in advance, you could get a $1 fare each way. I booked my ticket kinda last minute, but I still paid to go to Chicago $40 round trip. But before I get to that….

I got to the bus station about an hour early so I decided to have a beer and pass the time. I stopped in to the Detroit Beer Company and the manager was such a nice guy. He introduced me to some of the regulars and even offered to have one of the security guys walk me to the bus stop if I felt unsafe (btw, everything was well lit and totally safe. Downtown Detroit is changing). While at the Detroit Bee Co, I had a beer called Baseball. It was quality.
From there, I parked at the Detroit Opera House ($5/day) and headed off to Chicago.

The bus was cool. I expected it to be brand new but it wasn’t. It was old, but clean. There were college students, a family of 3, and a few single folks on the bus. Not sketchy at all. Everyone was polite and quiet. The only stops the bus made were 2 bathroom stops in Battle Creek and I think somewhere in Indiana. However, the bus did get into Chicago about an hour early. Thankfully Chicago buses run late night so I was able to take a city bus to Jenn’s place. I got in at around 5A.

Friday
After staying up all morning chatting with Jenn, I took an hour nap and then headed out to the city. It was cold and rainy all weekend so I just managed to make it to a few stores before I gave up and watched Divorce Court at Jenn’s place. She later called me and told me she took the afternoon off, so we went to The Signature Room for lunch. After that we went to the ESPN Zone where we played arcade games, kicked ass at this football game, and then nearly kicked the ass of this pre-teen punk who stole our game of basketball.

Then we headed out to the ND Happy Hour. Ok, I must say this. I love ND. Love the people, love the traditions…but there’s something about ND folks. So, Jenn and I roll into the Happy Hour. There were about 80 people there. And we talked to NO ONE. Everyone was in their own clique and everyone only talked to the people they came with. It was weird. And I’m a pretty gregarious person, but I didn’t get the vibe that people were looking to meet new folks. If I went there alone, I would have been so uncomfortable. Jenn did run into a Keenan? guy that we knew and he was very friendly and came over to talk to us when he arrived and before he left. Quality. Oh, and the Happy Hour was $20 for an open bar from 5-8. I had 5 mixed drinks. I wanted to get my money’s worth.

After the Happy Hour, AJ finally arrived. We headed off to Luxbar and then Tavern on Rush. The details are now getting a bit fuzzy. I met these girls at Luxbar, and we ran into them again when we went to Japonais after Tavern. I’m just gonna say that it was a great time. I was plenty drunk and I don’t remember many other of the details. I didn’t meet any boys although I was in the best condition to meet them. Jenn & AJ didn’t have as much to drink because they thought they’d have to look after me and were afraid I was gonna puke. Oh girls. I’ve been doing this way too long to puke after going out. Remember. I’m a drunken PRO!

Saturday
After drinking a gallon of water directly before I went to bed, I awoke at 7:30A and made everyone get up at about 8:30A. We looked for good lunch places and planned our day. We wanted to go to the Beer Fest at 6P and didn’t want to head back to Jenn’s apartment as she lived on the opposite side of where we were going. So we had to carefully plan a day that would allow us to be out without having to head back home.

We started with lunch at Webers. Although we were starving, we were all good girls and only ate ½ of our burgers. Being the good Samaritans that we are, we wrapped up the rest of our food and decided to give it to homeless people we met along the way. Apparently homeless people don’t live near Navy Pier, and after an hour of carrying around the food, we had to eventually throw it away.

After Webers, we headed to the movies. We were early, so we headed to Lucky Strike and had a drink at the bar while we shamelessly flirted with the bar tender. He was from Iowa, got a full (science) ride to some school in Minnesota, went to med school, dropped out cause it was too overwhelming, and has just started chiropractor school a week earlier. He told us that he was working the bar till 2A and we told him we might come back to visit him.

We then headed to the movies where we saw Thank You for Smoking and AJ fell asleep! (Some things never change!)

After the movie we went to Navy Pier for Beer Fest. Beer Fest was ok. Basically it’s this huge convention center with kiosks with different beers. Unlimited. And you get a tiny cup and you can get as much beer as you like. We ran into some ND folks that we know very intimately and it was a good time. I’m not going into details b/c I’m really not sure who reads this blog, and I’m not sure if people are posting pictures from our weekend. Not that any of the pics are bad, but I like to stay as anonymous as possible.

The girls and I left the Beer Fest early and headed back to Lucky Strike to see if I could run into my bartender. He was nowhere to be found. I wasn’t really feeling the crowd there so we went home.

So, for those keeping count at home, I got totally wasted Friday night and didn’t even find one boy to make out with the entire weekend. So I’m an asexual drunk. Good to know.

Updated to add:
Here is a picture of Nemo. While walking to lunch on Saturday we heard an odd pitter patter. Turns out Nemo was wearing shoes. I got very excited and asked Nemo's human if I could take a picture. So, this is Nemo.


This is a picture of a girl who thought it was appropriate to feed her dog scraps. We were sitting in a little Nordstrom's food court. I didn't hide the fact tha I took a picture of her. I even hissed a little too.

This week I got laid and got a ton of free stuff. I think I’m having the best week ever!

This afternoon I attended a ‘Meeting Planners Conference.” It’s basically a time where all these hotels and convention centers in Michigan get to showcase their facilities to get you to do business there. I used to do this in college. Even though I knew I wasn’t looking for a job at Liz Claiborne or Target or wherever, I would always go to the job fairs. Why? Because I would make up elaborate stories to get people to think I was interested in their company just to get free stuff. The trick is to not give anyone your business card. If you do, you’ll be getting more mail and phone cards than you want from these people. It paid off today.

First, I placed my business card in the raffle and I won an overnight stay at a golf resort. I also scored the following: a deck of cards, more candy than I need, a chip clip, a stainless steel coffee mug thingy, a pocket mirror with light…well I guess that’s really it. I think the overnight stay at the golf resort is really worth something because everyone was congratulating me on winning. Whatever. Oh, and I got a new travel bag. Sweet.

You know that scene in Dirty Dancing where Vivian is leaving Robby’s room after Lisa catches them in the act. And Vivian is all satisfied and stuffing her pantyhose in her purse? I kinda reenacted that scene with THM a few days ago where I definitely was carrying my pantyhose in my hand as I walked out of his house. And I thanked him afterwards.

I went to pay a visit to THM. Well, first I got locked in his bathroom. I had a lot of water at lunch and needed to pee. However, when I tried to exit the bathroom, the doorknob came off from the other side. I think THM was just trying to scare me when he tried several unsuccessful attempts to free me from the bathroom. I was thinking by the end of it all I was gonna have to climb out of the bathroom window. What would the neighbors have thought?! Fortunately he only left me in there for about 5 minutes tops before he found a way to get me out without embarrassing myself.

Oh yeah. And I got some. First time in since March. I rock. And if I play my cards right I may be able to get some tomorrow AND when I’m in Chicago this weekend. Well, maybe.

I had to blog this immediately. It was too good to pass up.

So I posted an ad on Craigslist. I was looking for a tennis partner. I had a guy respond and he wanted to know more about me. Being the ever crafty Kiki, I refused to give any details. If he wanted to know more about me, he'd have to meet me for a drink. So he chose today and he told me to meet him at 7 at Moriarty's. He asked me my name. I'm Kiki. He said his name was Harrison.

Moriarty's is a dive bar. But the patrons were drunk but jovial and the bartender was more than nice. I sat down in an empty chair next to a relatively looking young guy and ordered a Killians.

I knew this was Harrison. We didn't exchange pictures over IM. But he told me he was tan, hadn't shaved in 3 days, and would be clean since he was previously working in his garden. When he asked me to describe myself I told him I was 5'5. When he asked if I was black or white I responded, "All of the above."

Well, I sat next to the mystery man who didn't say a peep to me. I drank my beer and watched the Rangers game. He was constantly on his cell phone trying to solidify plans to see a Lugnuts game that evening. He never once acknowledged me. After a while, I asked him if he was in school (while we were chatting, he mentioned he was a student a Cooley Law School). The man sitting next to me told me he was a landscaper and his girlfriend was in her residency in med school. He was hoping to go back to school after she finishes up her residency. I could tell he was lying. So I stated "Well you better lock that down soon. Lord knows once she becomes a doctor, she might not want to support a landscaper." He grinned and took a sip of his beer. Then he mysteriosly disappeared. I later learned that he just moved outside.

When the bartender came around, I asked him if that guy came in often. Bartender said that he did. So I asked the bartender what the guy's name is. "Harry," the bartender said.

I'm guessing Harry is short for Harrison.

1) Gotta Love the Brits. I went to Barnes & Nobel this weekend looking for some mindless magazines to enjoy while sitting out in the backyard. I picked up Women's Health and British Ideal Home. I was surprised to see this ad in British Ideal Home:

Now kids. What's unique about this ad? Well, you have a clearly black woman and a clearly white man in an intimate pose. There's no confusion here. No, "I think she may be black, or maybe she's just hispanic or puerto rican...." This is an obvious black woman with an afro cozied up to a white man. When have you seen that in an American ad?


2) I applied for a new credit card today. I only believe in having one credit card at a time so I closed my old account. My new card will give me cash back for the money I spend at the gas station. Take that, Exxon! Since my bank wasn't offering any incentives for me opening a new card (like an iPod Shuffle or a gift card to Home Depot) I made the lady give me anything free she could find. She came up with the coffee mug below and a pen. I took it. Hey, if the credit card company is gonna profit on my spending, I want something in return. Anywho, I called today to find out the status of my application and turns out I was approved for a limit of $10,000.00! Hot Damn. I immediately lowered that limit. I definately don't need to spend that much money ever and I definately don't need some ID theft person trying to rob me of that money either!

Today is Cinco de Mayo. I don’t know if y’all understand how much I love this holiday, but I love it almost as much as I love St. Patty’s day. I was supposed to go to Detroit today and visit ADD Tim, but his scheduling got messed up so that plan was squashed. So no drinky drink for Kiki. Unless I plan on visiting a Mexican restaurant tonight….which I might.

Today I attended a free lunch. Well, it was a free lunch with information provided. Some group was giving a presentation on why juveniles shouldn’t be locked up with adults. Before the lunch, I had to go around and talk to people and pretend I was really interested in the subject and not looking to score a free, hot (hot is the key here, kids. There aren’t very many free lunches around here that are hot) mid-day lunch. So I go up to this lady and she shows me a chart of how many juveniles in the state who are incarcerated with no chance of parole. She suggested that we place these hoodlums in juvenile facilities and let them have an opportunity for parole.

Because I like confrontation, I said the following:

“Well, why don’t we place juvenile offenders in adult prisons, and then at least offer them parole. I bet they’ll be less willing to commit a crime again after they’ve roughly taken it up the ass by a man named White Power Steve.” (ok, I didn’t add the part about taking it up the ass…but you see what I was going for.) I mean, let’s face it. If a 13 y/o is sent to a maximum security prison for shoplifting, I bet he won’t commit more serious crimes! So the presentation lady tried to tell me why I was wrong. But by that time, the hot food had arrived and I completed my task of offending someone, so I politely excused myself and went to go eat.

There’s a reason why I’m a slutfaced bitch (as one friend likes to call me). It’s because people are weird and I generally don’t like people. But today, Kiki let her guard down and decided to be nice and take the high road. It wasn’t pleasant.

I met Jake over a year ago at a fundraiser. He’s a Notre Dame grad so we had something in common. Although I wasn’t interested in Jake, he seemed like a nice enough person so I decided to not be judgmental and just be a normal, nice person. That was my first mistake.

Out of the blue, Jake called me this week and asked if I wanted to attend a luncheon with him. I didn’t think anything of it. A free lunch is a free lunch. Plus, there was a possibility that I could learn something at said luncheon. Turns out Jake was treating the luncheon as a type of date…I think. I’m still not totally sure. Please don’t ask me to a free lunch and turn it into a date. For those of you keeping track at home, I did not eat at the luncheon. You know I have a thing about other people watching me eat.

So I skipped out of the lunch early and Jake suggested we take a walk. I obliged because it was a pretty day out today, and I felt bad about blowing him off after a full 10 minutes. So we took a walk and had a very awkward talk before I told him I had to get back to the office. He asked me for my cell phone number and I gave it to him and he gave me a (somewhat wet) peck on the cheek before I took off.

Now, the reason I was extra nice is because Jake’s a person I work with. I may need him in the future. Therefore, I didn’t want to unnecessarily burn any bridges. However, non work Kiki would not have given this man the time of day. Sometimes I wish I could incorporate real world Kiki with work Kiki. But alas. Work Kiki will possibly need these people in the future so she chooses not to burn bridges. Therefore, any boy in Lansing who wants to try to date Kiki, I suggest going for Work Kiki. She’s much nicer. Work Kiki is such a punk.

Updated to add: I saw him less than an hour ago. He's alredy left me 2 text messages! Oy Vey!

Updated Updated to add: He just called me at the office. Twice!