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Thursday, September 07, 2006 

So We Were Having Cocktails at the Fraternity...

Oh my. Where do I start? Those of you who were fortunate to read my drunk blog a couple nights ago probably figured out that there is a new man in town. And, his name is Ferris. Well, we’re calling him Ferris. Now for some background.

Ferris is 45, has a lot of money, never been married, lives in a great neighborhood, overly fake and baked, preppy guy. I’m trying to think of a movie with preppy college guys in it that he reminds me of. The only thing I can think of is the rival fraternity in
Animal House. He reminds me of those guys.

I met Ferris two years ago. I went out with him twice, I believe, and then I never called him back. He was looking for a lover and companion and I wanted more. Now I’ve lowered my standards and I’m bored so I think this relationship will work for us. The only problem is, I’ve been trying to figure out how to work this so I get the most out of him without getting hurt in the end. In some ways I need to play along like I really like him. In other ways I need to be distant and not get too attached. It’s a delicate balance and I’m determined to win in the end. So far that means denying him of what he wants. Since Monday I’ve been over to his house twice. And since that time I’ve only allowed him to get to second base. I know. I’m a saint. I know that he craves more and really wants me (and my ass…he was impressed by the ass) but I need to make sure I’ve got the upper hand going into things. That’s why I told him that before we make the beast with two backs, he’s first gotta get an AIDS test. He agreed and he scheduled an appointment for today. Good. That at least buys me a week.

I’ve also made it known that I expect presents. He has this thing about giving people money, but that’s not my style. Anyone can throw money around. If he wants to have me, he’s got to work for me. So I told him that the next time I see him, I want a present. I didn’t tell him what to get me, but I’m sure he’ll get something worthwhile.

He also bugs me. He has a weird pompous attitude. I don’t know if it’s his real personality or if he’s putting on airs. Last night I went over and we watched the ending of
South Pacific on PBS. Being a dedicated hag, you know I love musicals. However, I did not expect him to sing along in a falsetto bass voice. Also, while we were lounging around after the program, he said something to the effect of, “I like you because you don’t seem black.” Wow. Red flags. Now, I’ve dated a lot of older men. Hell, I’ve dated men older than 45. However, all of those men wanted only one thing. And that was my ass. They could care less if it was attached to a white body or an alien body. They just wanted it. I had to put him in his place. I told him that I was true that I went to private school, I lived in a mixed neighborhood and later on attended Notre Dame. However, I’m connected to my blackness. It’s who I am and I’m proud of it. I let him know that and added…I hope you don’t have any more ignorant things like that to say because I don’t have the time or energy to try and educate you. Ha! I enjoy cutting him down. He may be richer and more successful than I am, but I’m smarter by far.

And that leads me to his J. Crew persona. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m a HUGE fan of J.Crew. He just reminds me of someone who walked out of a J. Crew/Ralph Lauren catalogue complete with the lack of thoughts in his head. When I asked him about his day, he told me that he took his daughter to school (he’s never been married but he has a daughter who lives with him part time), went to the office, went to the ‘club’ where he played tennis with the pro, came home and had a massage (he has his own massage table) and then called me and we watched South Pacific. Tomorrow he plans on taking his daughter to school, going to the office, going to the men’s board meeting at the Country Club, and then working out with his trainer while his daughter takes tennis lessons.

And I will end with the beginning. The meaning of the title. While I was looking up the number for the AIDS center, he told me a story about some of the WACKY antics he pulled in college. His story began, “So the guys and I were having cocktails at the fraternity when we thought it’d be a good idea to call the suicide help line. (insert uncontrollable laughter from him) Well we would call and say we wanted to kill ourselves because our bird had died!” (insert more uncontrollable laughter from him.) I remained straight faced. “Wait. Did you just say we had ‘cocktails at the fraternity’? Is your nickname Muffy?” I was amazed by the fact that he didn’t say “We were drinking some beers.” Who the hell is this kid? Who has cocktails at a fraternity. I told him he was interesting and left shortly after that. I also told him to call me today and buy me a present. Good lord. The things I do for you people. This is going to be an interesting ride.

can i play tennis with him too? i like tennis!!

sounds to me like he needs to get one look at daddy kipper in a pair of package pants and he'll come around to his true identity. only homos use the word cocktails!

you know...cuz we like the cock!

I think you should re-post your drunk post. It's not my fault that the people of BFE, North Carolina don't believe in wireless!!

btw, I look forward to hearing about your adventures with "Muffy"

~ Roomie

I hope he is a good f$ck and not just a stupid f$ck.

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About me

  • I'm young, single, got a great ass, a serial dater, a sometimes drunk, addicted to the gym, liable to make fat girls cry, have a mild ED, think Notre Dame is the greatest college and Texas is the greatest state. Currently at a standstill since moving from Detroit Area, Michigan (tons of yuppies) to Mason, MI (noted KKK presence). Come be a part of my random, shocking, and exciting world.
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