Saturday, July 29, 2006 

Tour Of Homes

So here's the thing about my home tours post (which was supposed to be up yesterday). I was in the middle of writing a witty post until Blogger refused to post any of my pictures. Then, my Internet Explorer crashed before I could hit the handy 'Save as Draft.' Then I thought. This is a good thing. The pictures of my house make me look like I live in squalor and I wanted to post new pictures after I cleaned up for Daddy Kiki's annual visit. However, I will now post my tour of homes post a day late.

Let's start with the 'office.' This is where the magic happens. Let me point out a couple things. First, yes that is the Texas flag above my computer and there's a neat story behind that flag. At my high school we have an annual auction. During my senior year, my class donated a flag signed by our class to the auction. Trouble was, we all signed the flag on the wrong side. When one of the senior moms found out, she was non-too-pleased and gave me the faulty flag. We then had to sign a second flag for the auction. Therefore, I got the original flag.

I don't have a background to my computer desktop as I use my work computer more than my home computer. I'm not a big coffee drinker. That coffee cup previously held a rum and diet coke. I've been drinking a lot this week.

I bought the printer brand new for $5.99 at ABC Warehouse. I only used it when I volunteered for the tax preparations this past April.

Moving on to the Living Room. This room is a mess. I don't believe in cleaning mid-week. I believe that when I come home from a long day of work, I don't have to clean. I do clean like a feind on the weekends. There's a blanket and pillow on the couch. This is because I take 30 minute after work naps on the couch while watching reruns of That 70s Show. There's an empty bottle of Blue Moon on the coffee table. I like to have references to my alcoholism in every room of the house. If you look carefully you can see a discarded bra and a couple pairs of pants on the floor. In the summertime I don't believe in wearing pants. It's too hot. After my shoes, my pants are usually the next thing to come off my body after walking in the door. They usually don't make it down to the dirty clothes hamper until the weekend...when I do my cleaning.

Oh, and I've been in the Dungeon for a year and I still don't have anything on the walls. I'm the worst decorator ever. I think that if I decorate it means that I'm staying for a while. Hopefully that will change when Daddy Kiki comes tomorrow. He's agreed to help me pick out a paint for the guest bedroom. I feel if I start with a small room I'll be more inclined to take on larger projects.

Speaking of the guest bedroom, I haven't been in there for a few days. However, there's not much in there. I've stripped the bed of its sheets and all that remains is my Wonder Woman Barbie Doll. It's not much to look at.

From the Living Room we move into the kitchen. I'm disappointed that there's actually food in my fridge, so I won't show you the contents. However, I will show you the discarded lime from one of my many Diet Cokes and Rum as well as an empty bottle of champagne. The champagne was bought when Roomie came to visit a couple of weekends ago. I tried to finish it last weekend but it was flat. So I left the empty bottle on the counter.

Now we'll head downstairs to where all the madness takes place. The heart of The Dungeon, my bedroom. Not everyone is invited to the heart of The Dungeon. If you haven't fully met my approval, the most you will see is the guest bedroom. So far, I believe only one person has been invited to The Dungeon, and that is the Young'un. I was going through some old notebooks the other day and I stumbled upon the dimensions of my room. My bedroom is the size of a NYC apartment. It's pretty big. I'm showing you a corner of the room. Still no decorations in The Dungeon. On the floor you'll see some neat wall candle holders that Roomie got me as a housewarming present when I first moved to Royal Oak. I hung them there, and when I lived in Mason. I haven't hung them in The Dungeon. You'll also see a cute bear that Smitty got me as well as my figure skates that need to be sharpened before I use them again. Oh, and a bag from Vickies. Despite the fact that I'm not getting any, I still can not stay away from Vickies and their lingere. Does anyone else have this problem?

Well that's a short tour of The Dungeon. I promise I don't live in squalor, and it will all be cleaned up before Daddy Kiki's arrival tomorrow afternoon. I'm excited that Daddy Kiki will be here. I hope he buys me things (for the The Dungeon). We're also going to paly tennis everyday and he will cook for me and treat me like his princess. He's supposed to be here for 6 days. I can only wonder how many fights we'll get into!

Enjoy y'all's weekends!

1:47 PM | |

Friday, July 28, 2006 

Wait...What?

Please help me out with this.

1) Read this

2) Specifically read the third comment (by Miss Kiki) and the fourth comment (by LB)

Can anyone explain this to me? I'm not sure who 'LB' is. As for trying to be his/her friend, I don't have many friends and I barely like the ones who I do claim as friends. (being sarcastic)

What are jibblies? Do I even have any? Can I sell them for parts because I don't seem to be using them...I don't think.

Is this what it's like to be high? If so, children, DO NOT do drugs.

And, apparently immolate means to kill oneself. Great. And to top it off, I have an anonymous person's blood on my hands.

Welcome to the weekend!

Edit: I just read 'LB's' first comment. I guess this person is just a prankster. Ok. I get it. I think.

10:25 PM | |

Thursday, July 27, 2006 

Non-reactive

I get an AIDS test once a year. It has nothing to do with the unpleasentness of last weekend. In fact, I got the test before last weekend occured. I generally think it's a good idea for single folks to get tested every year. Knowledge is power.

Although I've been through this process four times before, I still get really nervous about an hour before I'm supposed to get my results. I keep thinking, "What If...." I played that game with myself today at work and I was counting the minutes until my work day was over. What if I have it....what will I do? who will I tell? Apparently Kipper made it known to me that he didn't want to know. He told me that he's not my shoulder to cry on. Good. I'll keep that in mind.

Unfortunately, or maybe just stupid on my part, I get tested in the same place that I do my volunteer work. Fortunately the facility is big enough that I usually don't run into the same people twice, but today the results guy said he recognized me. I know, dude. I'm there pretty regularly doing volunteer stuff. My alias just flew out the door. Everyone knew that I was one of the two people to get tested at that facility that month.

Everything went well. I got my results. "Non-reactive" it says. I was releived. Not that I thought that I had AIDS, but still. I want to wear my test results out in public! Look! No diseases! But instead, it will go in my 'secret drawer' next to the naughty things so if anyone asks for proof, I can show them.

And if you're single...Go get tested. That is all.

6:23 PM | |

Tuesday, July 25, 2006 

This Should Be The End of It

When I was little I had to sometimes wait for my punishments. If I did something in the afternoon, I sometimes wouldn’t get a spanking until just before I went to bed. This causes a child to have premature heart attacks. I would be on my best behavior all day thinking that if I did something good, I would somehow forego the spanking in the evening. It never worked.

I feel like I’m that little kid again. I know what I did was wrong. I’m not making any excuses. I haven’t made any to myself and I refuse to make any here. However, I feel like I’m waiting for my punishment. Somehow God will punish me. I’m sure of that. And there’s not much I can do between now and bedtime to make Him forget.

But I have to say I love my friends. I love my friends for calling my bullshit. I love my friends for not sugar coating. I love my friends for dishing it out. I’ve done the same to them in the past. I know it will make me a better person. I feel like shit. The worst kind of shit. And I know he’s fine. At home. Enjoying his life. That’s ok. It’s not about him. It’s about me. And what I’m going to do to get over this. I talked to Jules tonight. I love her because she’s not judgmental. She chastises. But she also helps. So, per Julie’s insight, I’m writing a letter. I’m not sharing it with you because it’s none of your business. I’m not sending it to him because it’s not about him. It’s about me. And how I screwed up. And how I’m going to pay. And how, with time and repentance, this too shall pass.

8:55 PM | |

Monday, July 24, 2006 

Trying to Maintian Normalcy

I still feel shitty. I'm trying not to think about it. That's the reason I went to work today. You can't be shitty when other people are around. Plus, they kinda frown upon drinking at work.

Random questions, incoherent answers

1. How do you define your nationality/heritage (e.g. English, British, American, Southern, British Asian or whatever otherword/phrase suits)?

I'm black. That's all I can tell you. I know that I'm part American Indian and I've been told that I have that part in me because back in history a Native American had one of my great great grandmothers as a concubine/slave. I don't know how true that is, but that's all I know.

2. If you were being sent to a desert island and could choose between an unlimited supply of books and an unlimited supply of writing materials, which would you take with you, and why?

Definately writing material. I didn't realize how much I enjoy writing until I started consistently writing my blog. I never claim to be a good writer or a prolific writer, but I do like the art of storytelling.

3. Would you rather lose your hearing or your sight?

I have an Aunt who's blind. She gets around ok. I don't think I'd mind being blind. Besides, I have pretty stellar hearing.

4. What is the earliest major news event you can remember?

I think the earliest major event I rememebr was the explosion/crash of the Discovery. I remember Daddy Kiki was really interested in that mission because I believe there was a black guy on board as well as a regular person, a school teacher. Daddy Kiki has always been interested in space and he thought it was cool that regular people were going into space. I guess that gave him hope that one day he could go.

5. Do you have any phobias?

I do now. Number one I'm afraid of God. But in the good Jewish/Catholic way. I'm afraid of His Wrath and Vengence. Number two fear...alcohol poisioning!

6. Which five people (living, dead, real, imaginary) would you invite to a dinner party?

Daddy Kiki (becuase, why wouldn't I?)
Kipper (I feel he could make everyone laugh)
Jesus (I feel he'd be a wonderful dinner guest)
Some really old person...I really like old people and their stories
I don't have a 5th guest. I really don't have that many friends.

7. If you had to place yourself on the political spectrum interms of centre/extreme left/right, with appropriate modifiers and a get-out clause for anarchists, what would you say?

I'm a moderate left leaner. For the most part I'm all left, but there are a couple things I tend to be conservative about.

8. What's the best place you've ever visited?

So far Yellowstone with Daddy Kiki. We drove from Denver to Yellowstone. I can't remember the number of times I said ohhh and ahh as we passed mountains, deserts, plateaus, wild animals, waterfalls....it was nature at its best.

9. What was the moment in your life when you were most nervous (that ended up having a good outcome)?

I never tend to be nervous. I believe nervousness is like fear. One of those things other people can pick up and see as a weakness. And I don't like to appear weak.

10. What would you like your Patronus to be?

I had to look this word up. And I'm not going to tell you what it means. Look it up yourself. But, my Patronus would be...I don't know. I don't think I fully understand what this is looking for.

Edit: I just reviewed Jonathan's blog and I found this quiz. Your Patronus is the Wolf! The wolf is a symbol of wisdom, loyalty and independence. He is one of history's more revered (and feared) characters.That your Patronus is a wolf says that you are very wise as a person. You tend to be loyal to your friends, even when they screw up, but you are also independent. Finding that balance is key; finding it will ensure that you will be a wonderful witch or wizard.

11. DW question: which is YOUR Doctor?

Huh?

12. Who's the most famous person you've ever met? What happened?

Scott Hamilton...threw away his autograph
Tommy Lee Jones...threw away his autograph
I meet famous people at work, apparently. It doesn't phase me. Because I'm so conceited that even though they're famous, I still think I'm better than they are.

13. Which book would you most like to have written? Why?

Scarlet Letter? No, um....The Prince by Machiavelli

14. Which instrument would you most like to be a virtuoso on?

The piano.

15. What's your favourite food?

Eh...I'm usually not into food....Alcohol is a different story. If I had to choose, tho, I'd choose Mexican food.

16. And your favourite alcoholic drink?

There's the question I was looking for! Ketel One Vodka followed by Stoli Vodka.

17. Do you believe in love at first sight?

I don't believe in love. I never have, really. I believe in self love. You have to have that before you can love others. I just don't believe that too many people truly have self love. So they get into relatoinships with other people and end up disappointed. That may just be the bitterness talking, but I'm sure if you asked me this question a week ago, I would have had the same answer. But I don't believe in true love between men and women (or men and men). I'm too jaded to believe in it.

18. Which film would you most like to have directed?

Hm...I'm a big fan of Wes Anderson (sans The Like Aquatic....that was just a clusterfuck). I'd say The Royal Tenenbaums. I absolutely love that movie.

19. Which sport would you most like to win an Olympic gold medal in?

Figure Skating. So I could be the first black female to win! Damn you, Debbie Thomas! You were once my hero!

20. If you could put yourself as any person/type of person in any place in any period of history, who/what/when/where would you be,and why?

Sometime I wish I lived during the 60s and the Civil Rights period. I'm pretty radical and I feel I would have been a great force for change. But on the other hand, I like where I am now. I likethe fact that I'm able to date a white guy with no (well, maybe few) people judging. On one hand it would have been cool to change the course of history. On the other hand, it's nice to be able to benefit from those who came before me.

21. What's your favourite piece of religious/spiritually-inspired art, music or writing? (Interpret as you will)

I love Madonna & Child paintings. When I was in high school I took this medieval art class. We studied paintings, sculpture, and architecture. I was fascinated with different interpretations of the Madonna & Child. Even now, if I find myself at an art museum, I gravitate to the Italian Art section because I like to enjoy that art.

22. Tell me about 3 journals on yourlist that you find particularly interesting (either for style or content).

1) Kitty Can Scratch - she's currently in love right now and it's nice to hear about her adventures in love. Yes, I said I don't believe in love...but that mostly applies to me being in love. I like to hear about other people's successful relationships because they're so happy. And other people's happiness makes me happy.

2) The Pink Shoe - I love how she is able to write about truly random things. And it's almost like she never has a bad day (although I know that's impossible). Her blog is fun and uplifting.

3) Random Thoughts - She's married and happy (imagine!). Plus she comments on my blog. And you can't hate a person who's willing to comment.

23. What's your favourite piece of clothing that you own, and where did you get it?

Hmm...maybe my silk poncho that I bought from BCBG on an absolute whim. I tend to not spend a ton of money on clothes (I save that for shoes) but on this particualr day I felt that my life could not go on without this poncho. And it wasn't even on sale. Other than that, I take pride in each and every pair of shoes that I own. They complete me.

24. Which places would you most like to visit?

I would like to visit Away....away from here for a while. Maybe a month. Just to see what it's like.

8:13 PM | |

Sunday, July 23, 2006 

Six Tylenol Will Kill You

We were sitting on the couch before we went out just talking. Somehow he mentioned to me that when it comes to suicide, more Europeans do it with Tylenol. Apparently six to seven Tylenol at a time can kill you. I'm not sure why he told me that. Maybe he thought the information would come in handy by the time he left my house the next morning.

Jose was on time to my house. He let me know he wanted to see the sites in Lansing before we played golf. It was fun. I took him to the Capitol and to the Riverwalk downtown. We took pictures. It was very touristy. From the Capitol we got some lunch and then took a walk on MSU's campus. While we were walking, we stumbled upon a bride having her pictures taken on campus. By what we could tell, the wedding was supposed to take place in a couple hours. Jose told me some time ago that he had a son, and I'm not sure what prompted me to do so, but I asked him if he was married. "Yes." He said. Ok. For how long? "Nine years." Ok. I was really confused. Why was he here with me if he was married? I tried not to think about it too much. Maybe it was a cultural thing. Jose is from Mexico. Maybe men and women are allowed to have close relationships when they're married. Maybe I was looking for something that wasn't there. I mean, we were just going to play golf and then go to dinner. Maybe all along he thought he was just doing me a favor. I kept the fact that he was married in the back of my mind and tried to be cool. If nothing else, I could have a friend who's married (for a long time at that) and maybe he could be a good resource when I have questions about men and relationships.

We finally made it to the golf course. He was a wonderful instructor. And, I did better than I expected on my first time out. I hit some pretty nice shots and everytime I hit a good one I was given a hug. It made me uncomfortable at first, but maybe he was just being friendly. I blamed everything on cultural differences. I didn't want to appear to be uncomfortable with something that was probably just innocent. However, on a different note, on the 18th hole I pitched a shot in and ALMOST got it into the hole! We were so excited! It basically hit the lip of the hole and rolled off. It was a fantastic way to end a day of golf.

When we got back to The Dungeon I asked him about dinner. I already had a place in mind and I thought we would go after putting our clubs away and such. Well he asked to use my shower. I didn't mind. That's what my guest shower is for. I was, however, interested in the fact that he brought along things to take a shower with as well as an extra change of clothes. However, we were a bit sticky after golf. Personally I wouldn't have minded going to dinner in our condition. We weren't gross, and we were still dressed nice. However, I wanted to make sure my guest was comfortable so he took a shower and I did likewise.

We had a very nice dinner. I knew this was the time to ask him about his wife. We ordered appetizers and his direct statement to me was, "We'll talk about it later." Well apparently later meant after we ordered a bottle of wine and were halfway through it. He told me his sad sad story. About how he loved his wife but she never had sex with him. About how he loved his wife but she was a bourgeoisie and he really couldn't give her everything he wanted. How he loved his wife so much that he had two children with her simply because that's what she wanted. How he cheated on her with 2 different people. And he did it because it helped keep their marriage together. He had the sex as a physical thing. As a release.

I told him he was selfish and very lucky. I told him he was lucky to find a mistress who was as unattached to him as he was to her. I told him he was selfish. That he would pull someone into a relationship with him when he knew from the start that there would be no emotional attachment. I asked a lot of questions. Not because I cared. I had already written him off. I wanted to know why a man would stray.

By now it's 11:30. We're in my kitchen. He corners me and smells me. I know I smell good. I always smell good. I told him what he was smelling was money (I tend to wear very expensive perfume). He tried to convince me it was more than that. He kept smelling me. He tried to kiss me. I wouldn't let him. I kept thinking about the Bible the whole time. How it was just as wrong for him to smell me as it was for him to fuck me. I cried. I cried before, during, and after. He rubbed my back. Telling me that it was ok. "It's not your fault. You're the victim." I left and locked myself in my bedroom and went to sleep.

Before he left the next morning he knocked on my bedroom door. He wanted to say goodbye. He gave me a hug. "Why won't you look at me," he asked me. "Because I'm ashamed." There wasn't any argument he could make with that, so he left. But not before telling me, "We'll talk about this later."

12:21 PM | |

Wednesday, July 19, 2006 

Tour of Homes


Since I don't post my picture on my blog, I figure I'll introduce you to The Dungeon. So look for me on the 28th some time. And participate too. I think this will be fun! (click above)

10:31 PM | |

 

Huh?

So I’m staring out the window at work this morning and I see a kid (well, at least a college student) riding a bike and get pulled over by a cop car. I continued to watch. The kid looked clean cut and had on a backpack. He wasn’t wearing a helmet, but then again, I don’t believe there’s a bike helmet law around these parts. The cop asked for the kid’s license and sat back in his squad car. Then a cop on a bike pulled up to talk to the cop in the car. The bike cop rode off and the squad car cop gave the student biker a ticket (or a warning…I couldn’t tell by my view, but the kid was definitely handed a piece of paper)!

What’s up with that? Why would he get a ticket? What did he do? Who will answer my question?

8:02 PM | |

Monday, July 17, 2006 

I Really Know I Shouldn't

So the flakey ND boy emailed me this morning. He let me know that he reserved a tee time at a local golf course for me. We’ll be meeting up on Saturday. He’s asked me to plan a day of Lansing sightseeing, golf, and then dinner. I read your comments and I know he’s a flake. And, I know I really shouldn’t be giving him the time of day…seeing that he has blown me off twice before. But do you ever get that lonely feeling? That feeling that you just want someone to pay attention to you, even if that person probably isn’t good for you? That’s one of the reasons I like long distance relationships. You don’t have to see the person everyday, just occasionally…on the weekends. Where all you do is stay in bed the whole time anyway.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not looking for a relationship. I’m tired of relationships. I’m tired of wondering why he hasn’t called, wondering if he feels the way for me the way I feel about him. I’m tired of all that. I just want to know that there’s someone out there occasionally thinking about me. Not that I have to justify anything to you, dear readers, but that’s why I decided to say yes to a date with José. Because I feel if I play my cards right, I’ll be able to have someone to consistently think about me…and buy me things…and take me to dinner…and have sex on a regular basis.

That and the fact that football season is coming up. And since he lives in town, I’ll have a free place to stay during home games!

8:20 PM | |

 

September Can't Get Here Any Sooner!

I stole this from here. OMG I can't wait till September!

5:44 PM | |

Sunday, July 16, 2006 

Before & After

Here are pics from before I put up my hammock and after. I was so excited that I rigged it all by myself. And it acutally works! I've been out there twice and I haven't fallen out, so all is good.













After rigging my hammock (and falling asleep in it) I decided to go to the driving range. I haven't been out there in a while and I knew I would be rusty. While I was out there I was approached by a very old man. He commented that my form was awful and offered to give me some pointers. I was a little concerned at first. He was very very old and I didn't know what he expected from me in return for a free golf lesson. Turns out he was a very nice old man. He helped me with my stance and posture and I could definately see the improvement. He directed me to read this book. I asked him if I could take lessons from him but he refused. He said that he wasn't a golf instructor and that he just likes to help people out of the goodness of his heart. What a fun old person.

Today I decided to cook for next week's dinner. I'm making chicken fajitas and asparagus with an almond sauce. The almond sauce didn't turn out as I planned. I burned the almonds a little and I put too much lemon juice in the sauce. Oh well. I'll figure out a way to salvage it. As for the chicken fajitas, I have yet to make them. However, I did buy two whole chickens from Sam's this afternoon. I spent a large part of the evening cutting up one of the chickens into parts. I followed these instructions. Let me tell you, the way those pictures look are NOTHING like my chicken looked. I felt bad as I hacked away at the carcus. The instructions also don't tell you that as you hack away at the bones with a not so quality knife (I know what I want for Christmas now, Daddy Kiki) you get bond fragments and chicken guts flying all over your kitchen and all over your white wife beater. I could just feel the salmonila all over me. However, I did a pretty good job on finally getting the chicken into parts. I was pretty surprised for my first attempt. I did a beautiful job on the breasts, deboning them and taking the skin off. I may have a talent after all.

Hope everyone is surviving the heat wave!

8:39 PM | |

Friday, July 14, 2006 

The Mood of This Post Changes Quickly

Sure. Getting laid is great. The process of getting laid is fun. But the mere prospect of getting laid can make your entire weekend.

Let’s begin at the top. I met José at Notre Dame at Reunion at the beginning of June. As Frenchie (I really need a nickname for French….maybe I’ll call her…I don’t know…help me audience!) and I were walking out to my car, we passed José. He was putting his golf clubs in the back of his car. We stopped to chat and he told us he’s from Mexico and got his Masters at ND. Now he’s working in town for a health care company. I told him to call me so we could hang out during reunion and maybe go out on the golf course the last day of reunion.

He never called. So I wrote him off. No reason for me to get upset over a guy who lives 2 hrs away. Well, when I got back to Michigan, I emailed him just as I emailed everyone who gave me their business cards. He was very apologetic telling me a story about a sick child (boo!) and too much partying. He let me know that he would really like to know more about me and that maybe we could meet at a golf course somewhere between South Bend and Lansing. I said I was up for it. He said he would call me. I haven’t heard from him since.

With a stack of business cards on my desk, I decided to input them into my work database and throw all the physical cards away. I came upon José’s card again. I sent him a short email letting him know that the ball was still in his court. He emailed me back and made plans to instead come to Lansing next weekend where we could golf and go to dinner. Yes! Opportunity to get laid (or at least a free hot meal) next weekend.

Although, as I’m writing this I’m seeing a pattern. My mood has changed from the first lines of this post. I’m not really excited anymore. And really, why should I be? He’s flaked on me twice before and he doesn’t even know my last name. Ok. I’m done with him. I’m not excited anymore. Fortunately for me the hammock Kipper bought me came today so I plan on spending the weekend hanging it in the backyard. And if I’m lucky, the Young’un will come over this weekend and help me ‘play’ in it.

6:14 PM | |

 

Odd


A Bentley in Lanisng? I guess!

6:11 PM | |

Monday, July 10, 2006 

Pirated

Someone new is reading my blog. And I decided I'd steal from her:

I AM: super excited at the moment
I WANT: a dodge viper
I HATE: children
I LOVE: nothing. it's an empty emotion.
I MISS: my friends and my Daddy Kiki
I FEAR: you don't fear much when you're in regular council with satan
I HEAR: voices
I WONDER: if i'm on the right path to success
I REGRET: no regrets. It's been a fun ride.
I AM NOT: tall
I DANCE: like a stripper
I SING: showtunes
I AM NOT ALWAYS: clean. showers are hard, y'all.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: things hard.
I WRITE: Sista sLedge.r
I CONFUSE: this statement confuses me
I NEED: to work out/lose weight
I SHOULD: register for my fall class
I START: with gusto
I FINISH: first

Who are you?

I feel I should fill this out every few months......

10:53 PM | |

 

Roomie Pays Me A Visit

The weekend started exceptionally well. The Young’un came over. It was good very good. After leaving sleeping beauty in bed, I went upstairs to start cleaning up for Roomie’s arrival. I opened the curtains in the living room to discover a huge raccoon squished and lying in the road smack dab in front of my house. My first thought was to call Daddy Kiki. He suggested I scoop up the mess, place it in a garbage bag, and keep it in the backyard until trash day. I immediately hung up with him. Daddy Kiki apparently is no country boy and knows nothing about the disposal of road kill. My second thought was to wake up Sleeping Beauty and put him to work. But since both of us participated in a lot of work that morning, I figured he needed his sleep. Always the independent woman, I called animal control and they directed me to the appropriate people to call. Within an hour, there was someone at my house removing the dead raccoon. I felt like I accomplished something big.

About half an hour after the raccoon left, Roomie appeared! It was so nice to see her. After we girl talked for a bit, I woke up the Young’un and sent him on his way. Roomie let me know that I had a cute one (he is very attractive) and a sweetie. I felt kinda bad about kicking him out, but it was 1:00. It was time for him to leave.

Roomie and I had a very nice time together spent shopping, having pedicures, and eating healthy and rewarding food. Later Saturday we went to Cosi and Coldstone and walked around East Lansing. Then we went back to The Dungeon where we started in on the drinking. While we were out, Roomie picked up some Tahitian Vanilla Martini mix from Williams Sonoma. I was expecting it to taste like vanilla ice cream. It tasted like vanilla extract. That’s ok. Ever resourceful, I diluted the very strong martini with champagne. Then I introduced Roomie to the joys of Vodka and Champagne. I do know how to drink my liquor!

After my last failed attempt at getting a cab from my house to East Lansing, I wised up and called a couple days in advance and reserved a cab. They came promptly at 11:30 and we were able to drink to our hearts delight without worrying about DUIs. We started out at Rick’s. I wanted to go there because every time I go to East Lansing, there’s a long line at that place. On Saturday, the line was pretty short. The reason was because there are practically no kids on campus during the summer. I really should have known that, but for some reason I didn’t. Rick’s had a band all night so we skipped that and went to Club 131. They had a DJ who was spinning good music but there were undesirables there and a $10 cover charge since we didn’t have our college IDs on us. No way. We ended up at The Post where the DJ was playing decent music until he then started playing House music, then 80s music, then hip hop. It was very disjointed but some chick wanted to dance with me and she was fun. I also remember why I don’t like college bars. No one offers to buy you a drink. Stupid poor college students. Roomie and I then ended up at some house in East Lansing were the kids were playing in the streets and having a water balloon toss. It was fun for about 2 minutes. I mentioned to Roomie that I think we’re getting too old for this. I called a cab and we went back home.

On Sunday we got up, watched a movie on the couch, recovered from our hangovers and then went to Chipotle for lunch. And then Roomie left and I slept for the rest of the day.
I’m so glad Roomie came. She made Lansing a bit more fun for just this weekend.

Now I’m preparing for my next visitors. Daddy Kiki comes for his annual visit at the end of the month, and Daddy Kipper & Dr. Wave make a pit stop at The Dungeon during their road trip through Canada…or something.

8:03 PM | |

Friday, July 07, 2006 

My Dysfunction Has A Name

It’s always nice to have friends like the one(s) I have. Yesterday Kipper called me specifically to let me know that he thinks I have a personality disorder. Specifically, Anti-Social Personality Disorder:

Alternative names
Psychopathic personality; Sociopathic personality; Personality disorder - antisocial

Definition
Antisocial personality disorder is a psychiatric condition characterized by chronic behavior that manipulates, exploits, or violates the rights of others. This behavior is often criminal.

Causes, incidence, and risk factors
Personality disorders are chronic behavioral and relationship patterns that interfere with a person's life over many years. To receive a diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder, a person must have first had behavior that qualifies for a diagnosis of conduct disorder during childhood.
The cause of antisocial personality disorder is unknown, but genetic factors and child abuse are believed to contribute to the development of this condition. People with an antisocial or alcoholic parent are at increased risk. Far more men than women are affected, and unsurprisingly, the condition is common in prison populations.
Fire-setting and cruelty to animals in children are linked to the development of antisocial personality.

Symptoms
A person with antisocial personality disorder:

  • Breaks the law repeatedly
  • Lies, steals, and fights often
  • Disregards the safety of self and others
  • Demonstrates a lack of guilt
  • Had a childhood diagnosis (or symptoms consistent with) conduct disorder

Signs and tests
Individuals with antisocial personality disorder are often angry and arrogant but may be capable of superficial wit and charm. They may be adept at flattery and at manipulating the emotions of others. People with antisocial personality disorder often have extensive substance abuse and legal problems.

Treatment
Antisocial personality disorder is considered one of the most difficult of all personality disorders to treat. Individuals rarely seek treatment on their own and may only initiate therapy when mandated by a court. The efficacy of treatment for antisocial personality disorder is largely unknown.

Expectations (prognosis)
Symptoms tend to peak during the late teenage years and early 20's and may improve on their own by a person's 40's.

Complications
Complications can include incarceration and drug abuse.

Calling your health care provider
Call for an appointment with a mental health professional if you have symptoms suggestive of antisocial personality disorder, or if your child exhibits behaviors that indicate a risk for developing this disorder.

Obviously, Kipper was not concerned with my wellbeing. He just thought it sounded like me since I do tend to be adept at flattery and at manipulating the emotions of others. Sure I lie, disregard the safety of self and others and demonstrate a lack of guilt. But to him, and me, that’s funny. And it’s even more fun that now I have a name for my dysfunction!

7:15 PM | |

Thursday, July 06, 2006 

For Your Enjoyment

This here is proof that I done been to one too many NASCAR races. My favorite is the 1:00 mark of this clip.

Oh, and I know I haven't been posting lately, but Roomie is coming to visit this weekend, so there will be stories soon. And I may post tomorrow. Something about my personality disorder. Stay tuned.

10:37 PM | |

Wednesday, July 05, 2006 

Another Kip & Kiki Adventure

Mariah Carey. Cleveland, Ohio. 2003.

I'm posting this because Daddy Kipper encouraged me to. We were at the above concert in Cleveland. I bought Kipper and me tickets for the concert and off we went. We were very intoxicated and probably among the oldest people there. Although I did not take the accompanying video, Daddy Kipper remembers that we were sitting in the same vicinity of where this video was shot. And he distinctly hears our screaming. Listen to it around the 0:50 mark. I swear it's us too!

10:08 PM | |

Saturday, July 01, 2006 

For Your Enjoyment

It's what I've been telling you bitches all along.

3:44 PM | |

 

GOOOAAALLLL!!!


Why am I not following soccer? [Courtesy of Pink is the New Blog]

It's been about 5 seconds since my last World Cup update so let's do another. Pink reader Kathryn sends in this AWESOME picture of Portugal player Simão Sabrosa celebrating ... something ... on the soccer field:


Holy moly! I really hope that Portugal scores more goals ... wins more games ... or whatever it was that made Mr. Sabrosa stip off all of his clothes in ecstatic glee. TEAM PORTUGAL! [thanks Kathryn]

10:43 AM | |

 

He speaks the Language of Jesus, So He Can't Be Bad, Right?

Last night I dreamed that I was having an affair with the Mayor. It was a nonsexual affair, as it seems like I can't get laid in my dreams or in real life. I remember the Mayor and I being in a hotel room and his wife calling and me hiding under the bed. Like I said, it was a nonsexual affair, but I think there was a lot of touching and hugging and making out. The dream was weird on a lot of levels. First, I don't think I've even seen a picture of the Mayor on TV recently. Why would my subconscious want me to have an affair with the Mayor. Second, an affair really isn't my cup of tea. I don't like clandestine relationships. I like to be paraded around and have everyone admire me. I'm too self absorbed for others not to know about me and my relationship. It was weird. And I wanted to share.

Moving along...now I must tell you about my date last night.

Perry emailed me on myspace. I don't put much stock in people who email me on myspace. Plus, his profile was blocked to only those who were his friends. I'm very selective about my myspace friends (altho I'm a facebook hoe....Hey I think I may have passed by you in North Quad Frosh year! Will you be my facebook friend?!) so I didn't add Perry. I saw his picture and he looked decent. He gave me his number and I believe I called him a week ago. He called on Thursday when I was at work. He asked me what's up, what I was doing, how was the weather, etc. I was less than pleased. I told him to get to the point and he hung up the phone on me. Fuck him! I thought. I'm better off without him. But then evil Kiki made an appearance. I thought, why not just fuck with this kid. He's obviously a loose cannon. It could make for a good blog. So I called Perry back and pretended that we must have had a bad connection. He let me know that he hung up on me because I was rude and I convinced him to take me out anyway. He said he would call me.

In the meantime, a girl I met this week called and invited me to a birthday party in Lansing. Knowing that Perry wouldn't call me back, I instead hooked up with my new friend and had a decent time at the birthday party.

Cut to Friday. Perry texts me and asks if I want to get together. He sounds pretty desperate. He starts off asking if I smoke. I deny this. Then he asks if I'm 'rowdy' and I deny this as well. Then I remember that I'm being a jerk and recall that I want to lure him in only to crush him. So I warm up to him a bit. He asks me if he should get a hotel room (he lives in Detroit but is in my area a lot for business) and I told him YES! EWWW! What kind of freak gets a hotel room and he knows NOTHING ABOUT ME! So he tells me to bring a bathing suit and we can go swiming before the pool closes and before we get drinks. Yeah right, buddy.

Not only does he text me at work, but he calls me too. He asks me what I do for a living and I make up a lie. He asks me what building I work in and I make up another lie. Turns out, his family runs a business in the building I say I work in. Shit. I cover remarkably and tell him that the company I work for is new and I'm just doing contract work for them. Hence the reason our company name isn't on the marquee downstairs in the lobby! What makes me such a good liar?

When the time came to meet up, the plan was to tell him I was at a particular bar and then just never show up. But then I thought, I want some free alcohol. So, I hoisted my ass of the couch and went out. Mind you, I was wearing the same outfit I wore to work on Friday which also happened to be the same outfit I wore to the birthday party the night before.

I met Perry at a college bar. He wasn't bad looking. And, he was actually kinda nice. We played a game of pool in a bar that had 3 other patrons in it. Then we gave up on that bar and went to BW3s. I also happened to run into a guy I met at the birthday party last night. I was still wearing the same outfit. Nice. Oh, and speaking of, I made every effort not to look nice for Perry. I didn't put on any makeup and I splashed on some Vickies Body Spray and an obnoxious scent.

I must explain at this point that I had enlisted both Kipper and Roomie to provide me with 'emergency' calls an hour into the date. Roomie was to pretend that she was at another bar and wasted and needed me to come and get her. Kipper was to do sort of the same thing. They both did beautifully while I was at the first bar. I had to let Roomie know that I was having a decent time and to call me back in an hour.

She called me back when we were at BW3s and gave an Oscar worthy performance. She pleaded, I think she cried a little, and she basically told me that she was at a bar in Mason (I still had him convinced that I lived in Mason) and she needed me to come pick her up. Fortunately, Mason is about 25 minutes away, so I had to leave Perry abruptly to take care of my Roomie. I acted like I was annoyed and upset. I told Perry that Roomie constantly pulls this trick. She doesn't go out drinking cause she's in grad school, but the minute she has a break, she overdoes it and I have to bail her out. I think Perry realy bought the performance. He was upset that I had to go just when I was starting to warm up (I was on my 3rd drink). However, before leaving, Perry wanted to quiz me more about where I worked in the building. He asked which door I come into and which elevator I take to get to my 'floor.' Fortunate for me, not only am I an expert liar, but I'm also a pretty accurate one. And, although I don't work in the building I told him I work in, I've visited on numerous occasions because I have a lot of meetings in that building. Oh silly boy, you can't trip up Evil Kiki. She's just too crafty.

Oh, and I forgot to add. The conversation did get a little interesting when he told me about his background. He let me know that he was Chaldean. I've heard that term a lot in Michigan but I wasn't sure what he really meant. I found out that it's like a person of Iraqi descent who's Christian instead of Muslim. He told me that his parents are both from Iraq and he and his brothers and sisters were American born. He also told me that he speaks both Aramaic and Arabic. Which is good to know when I take him on my oil finding expedition. I need a new hobby.

9:23 AM | |

About me

  • I'm young, single, got a great ass, a serial dater, a sometimes drunk, addicted to the gym, liable to make fat girls cry, have a mild ED, think Notre Dame is the greatest college and Texas is the greatest state. Currently at a standstill since moving from Detroit Area, Michigan (tons of yuppies) to Mason, MI (noted KKK presence). Come be a part of my random, shocking, and exciting world.
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