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Tuesday, July 25, 2006 

This Should Be The End of It

When I was little I had to sometimes wait for my punishments. If I did something in the afternoon, I sometimes wouldn’t get a spanking until just before I went to bed. This causes a child to have premature heart attacks. I would be on my best behavior all day thinking that if I did something good, I would somehow forego the spanking in the evening. It never worked.

I feel like I’m that little kid again. I know what I did was wrong. I’m not making any excuses. I haven’t made any to myself and I refuse to make any here. However, I feel like I’m waiting for my punishment. Somehow God will punish me. I’m sure of that. And there’s not much I can do between now and bedtime to make Him forget.

But I have to say I love my friends. I love my friends for calling my bullshit. I love my friends for not sugar coating. I love my friends for dishing it out. I’ve done the same to them in the past. I know it will make me a better person. I feel like shit. The worst kind of shit. And I know he’s fine. At home. Enjoying his life. That’s ok. It’s not about him. It’s about me. And what I’m going to do to get over this. I talked to Jules tonight. I love her because she’s not judgmental. She chastises. But she also helps. So, per Julie’s insight, I’m writing a letter. I’m not sharing it with you because it’s none of your business. I’m not sending it to him because it’s not about him. It’s about me. And how I screwed up. And how I’m going to pay. And how, with time and repentance, this too shall pass.

Actually, that's a really good idea. A letter will help. I've done it before. *sending silent support*

yes, that is a good idea. and you can leave it out for daddy kiki to read when you're at work.

or you could send it to daddy calvin. maybe he has a medieval coloring book for you that relates to this whole situation!

Silent letters always help. No one else knows what you write and for some odd reason, you feel so much better.

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  • I'm young, single, got a great ass, a serial dater, a sometimes drunk, addicted to the gym, liable to make fat girls cry, have a mild ED, think Notre Dame is the greatest college and Texas is the greatest state. Currently at a standstill since moving from Detroit Area, Michigan (tons of yuppies) to Mason, MI (noted KKK presence). Come be a part of my random, shocking, and exciting world.
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