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Monday, May 23, 2005 

Kip & Kiki's Chicago Adventure (or the longest post ever posted)

I won't be writing about the fun we had in Chicago until I'm sure that Daddy Kipper no longer hates me. Sometimes Kiki drinks in excess and does bad things. However, we did have a blast up until the wee hours of Sunday morning.

[Update: Kipper never hated me to begin with. Let the storytelling begin!]


The train to Chicago takes forever. I was an hour delayed getting there. Good thing I really didn’t have anywhere to go. Union Station is located 4.4 miles from the Days Inn where we stayed. I rationalized that it takes me 30 mins to run four miles. Therefore, I could easily walk 4 miles. It took forever. And I was determined to not hail a cab. I wanted to finish what I started.

When I got to the hotel, all I wanted to do was have a beer. I promptly walked to
Corner Pocket, ordered an Amstel Light and a game of pool. I haven’t played pool in a while, and I mainly wanted to go to fool around, wait for Daddy Kipper, and pick up boys. I was playing pool extremely poorly, but the guys at the next table asked if I wanted to play with them because they needed a fourth. They were really cool. Two were Turkish and the other guy was Puerto Rican. His name was Sayid. I couldn’t pronounce the other guys’ names. They bought me another beer and a shot of Cabo Wabo . Then Kipper showed up. So we finished the ‘game’ of pool, had another beer and another shot and left the boys.

I was clearly drunk at this point. Two shots of premium tequila and three beers. Yeah. I was happy. So from the pool hall, Kipper and I searched for a place to eat. We found
Matisse. We sat on the patio and spied the super cute bouncer who was working the door. [*] Rile was working his first night and was a total sweetheart. He told us that he recently moved from Miami and was trying to make it as s musician. We ordered drinks. We offered Rile a shot, but he didn’t take it. So we made our waiter take a shot with us. Which he did. That may have been the reason why he forgot to bring us our sweet potato fries! Grr! After finishing most of our meal, we told the waiter to bring us our fries to go. We had two fries (they were really good, actually) and we gave the rest to Rile. Only on his first night would he meet two obnoxious people who would buy him food. We love Rile.

Next we went back to the room and prepared for Kiki’s choice. Friday night belonged to Kiki and Saturday night belonged to Kipper. We started the night at
Bordos where supposedly I kept stealing peoples drinks. According to sober sources, I ordered a drink, sat down, finished the drink, then picked up a random drink thinking it was mine. You can imagine that people were less than happy about this. From Bordos we went to Liar’s Club where we walked in and out. Next was The Apartment. I’m not sure how or why we ended up here. At this point I kept stumbling in the streets asking men if they were over 30 and made over $50,000. Kipper wondered why I had such a low income threshold. I don’t know. Maybe because it’s rude to tell random people on the street that you’ll sleep with them if they make over $100,000. Kipper said that some guy told me that he made $49,900 and asked if he still qualified. I rejected him. Ok, so we head into The Apartment and I make a friend in the bathroom. She was pretty cool. Well she happened to be at the next bar we went to, Blu. I introduced her to Kipper and he promptly told her that her hips looked too big in her jeans. Oh, and that she was cute, but she’d look ever better if she wore her hair straight. And after all that, she really did appreciate his brutal honesty.

After Blu (which, y’know, I don’t remember in the slightest bit) we headed back toward the hotel. First we stopped off at the Golden Nugget and had breakfast where Kipper sat across the table from me and text messaged the word ‘WHORE’ to me about 18 times. While waiting for our food, we ate pats of butter. No, I’m not lying. Also while waiting, the scary guy who hangs out in the diner at 4 in the morning (you know that guy. There’s one in every 24 hour diner in the WORLD) wrote me a note on the napkin that stated he was staying in room 207 at the Days Inn. Hot.

So, after the Golden Nugget we walk back to the hotel and go home. But who should we run into? How about cutie Rile who we met when we started our adventure! I was more than happy to see him. He was heading out to a friend’s house to hang. We exchanged numbers and I told him I’d like to see him play the next time in Chicago. [btw he totally text messaged me on Monday. How sweet was that!]


After three hours of sleep both Kip & Kiki wake up at 645ish a.m. where Kiki discovers that she lost her credit card! Nice. And the place we assume I lost it at….doesn’t open until 3P. I won’t go into the reason why it was important that I get this particular card back (I have several) cause it’s a boring story. I will say that I really need to remember my debit card PIN numbers.

The plan was to go to Bally’s and work out and go to the beach afterwards. However, we ended up walking back to the bar to see if maybe someone was there to check for my card. Then we walked to Sissy’s house to get Kipper’s glasses, only to get there and realize Kipper didn’t bring the keys. So, needless to say, we didn’t need the gym after all that walking.

Beach after that.

Then shopping. Now that I think about it, I don’t think I ate on Saturday. That makes me pretty giddy. [Oh, we totally ate at that mexican restaurant that had the 45oz Margaritas. How could I forget that?]

Saturday night was Kipper’s choice. We started out at
Sidetrack. I had never been there before but I loved it. They showed a soft porn video of the most beautiful men ever just playing football….in the nude….like beautiful men do. For some reason we thought it would be a good idea to rename all the people we met. “Hi. My name is Mike. What’s yours?...Hi Doug, I’m Kiki…No, I said my name was Mike…I heard you, Doug.” We’re a hoot. From Sidetrack we went to Roscoe’s. There weren’t very many pretty people there. Oh, except for the perfectly tanned muscular man and the man with the pretty eyes who turned out to look a bit frumpy. Alcohol plays many tricks on me! Kipper made friends with the Bachelorette party who’s Bride was almost passed out at the bar. From there we went to Hydrate where Kipper was immediately picked up while waiting in line for the bathroom. Kipper ended up on the dance floor with some chica. I was dancing alone when some guy walked up behind me and whispered, “I can’t believe he’s dancing with her. Let’s make him jealous.” So I dance with him and somehow we danced all the way back to my room!

Now, this is the part of the story where I am such a bad friend. Maybe about 30mins after we got to the room, in comes Daddy Kipper! I don’t remember what he said, but I do remember him saying, “I’m going to Sissy’s.” And he packed up his stuff and left! I was so sad. I thought I was the worst friend ever. I mean, who kicks their friend out for some no name dick? Besides, it was Kipper’s choice night. I had my chance to get lucky on Friday night. Oh well. I’m just glad that he’s not mad at me.

Back to the no name dick…..his name was Don[†]. Don? Had I known that, I probably would not have gone back with him. His roommates parents were in town. And he told me about 12 times that he was not gay, he was just out with his friends who were gay. At that point, no explanation was needed. I had him where I wanted him. However, to this day, I have a sneaking suspicion that he was the guy who was trying to pick up Kipper when Kipper was waiting in line for the bathroom…….I actually exchanged numbers with him. He was a good sport and offered up his place if I ever came back to town. And we know I’m always looking for a free place to stay in Chicago.

I had my two dates.

Date number one was at 1130A. He was goofy. He’s an atty and I’ve been talking to him for a few weeks on email. He was about 18 feet tall and he had a pregnant gut. He could have been a lot cuter if he would have lost the gut. Now I know why all the pics of him I saw were from the neck up. He was very talkative and I think I came off a lil bitchy. I didn’t mean to. I had kicked Don out of the room about 20 mins earlier and just checked out. Plus I think I got about 2-3 hours of sleep. I wasn’t the most social being. He was very nice, and I will definitely email him again. For lunch he had a sandwich. I ordered about 20 grapes.

Date #2 was at 2P. He’s Italian and a filmmaker. He makes documentaries and he has one that I actually found being sold on Amazon. So he really is the real deal. Anyway, he lives in Wicker Park, but agreed to meet me at a place close to my hotel. I got there at 2P. He didn’t show up until 3:10P. He said he couldn’t get a cab. I was more than pissed. The only reason I waited for him was because I didn’t have anywhere to be until 6P. Kipper was with his family (and I thought he hated me) and I had checked out of my room. I was a nomad. So, I would rather sit at the restaurant, wait for him and have a conversation for a while, then walk around Chicago for 3 hours.

Our filmmaker was an OK looking guy. He had bad teeth. They were grey and crooked. I was a total bitch the entire time. However, he did try real hard to make it up to me. He asked me a lot of questions and was generally pretty charming. I would have had a better time with him if I wasn’t so concerned with being upset. At that date I had about 5 bites of soup.

So, overall, a wonderful weekend. I had a blast. I got drunk, I got numbers, I got free meals that I didn’t eat. It was great.

Next weekend….moving with Steph and possibly Birmingham with ADD Tim.

[*]He was more like the person who checks IDs as he was clearly too small to be a bouncer. More like the host.

[†]Well, that really wasn’t his name. Sometimes I like to protect the innocent. But it was equally as odd.

That was a long post .... but a pretty funny story. Glad you had a good time :-)

Too bad I can't spell ;-)

OMG this is a giant post! i'm reading it tomorrow at work :D

yay, you guys DID have a blast. and i'm glad kipper wasn't mad at you, as well.

you and i have to do chicago again. that last trip has just become a blur... and thank goodness i didn't scar *heh heh*

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  • I'm young, single, got a great ass, a serial dater, a sometimes drunk, addicted to the gym, liable to make fat girls cry, have a mild ED, think Notre Dame is the greatest college and Texas is the greatest state. Currently at a standstill since moving from Detroit Area, Michigan (tons of yuppies) to Mason, MI (noted KKK presence). Come be a part of my random, shocking, and exciting world.
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