I'm gonna finally have sex!...Well not really so much now
So you ever have that moment, right after you leave your house for work/school that you catch your reflection in a shiny object and think to yourself, “Dear Lord, what was I thinking when I put this outfit together?” But you’re groggy and a little hung over and you’re already late so you just go with what you have on. I’m dealing with that this morning.
Now the reason why I’m groggy is because I didn’t get home till after midnight last night. And we all know that that’s pretty late for Mama Kiki. Anyway, I was at the Tiger’s game in Detroit. I remembered that the Cop worked Tigers games directing traffic, and when my group left the park, I scanned Woodward to see if he was around. I saw a guy that looks vaguely like him, but not wanting to be an idiot and try to say hello, I just passed him by. Now for background (I don’t think I have ever written about the cop) The Cop and I dated about a year ago. He was real sweet and nice and one day he dropped off the face of the earth. Everything was peachy. I remember the last time I saw him and everything was good. Then he just wouldn’t return my calls. Just like that.
When I got home I looked up The Cop in my Book of Conquests and called him up. He answered and was pretty surprised to hear from me. We ended up talking for two hours. I asked him if he was at the game and he told me he was. I described where he was and who he was talking to and I did in fact see him. I told him I was in the limo parked in front of the park and he told me he totally saw our group. It was nice talking to him. I had just complained to Tiffy earlier how I missed talking to a boy. He did the trick. He explained why he dropped off the face of the earth. His dog died and he was pretty devastated so he just disappeared for a while and never bothered to tell me. He apologized profusely and told me that he would have gone about the whole situation differently looking back in hindsight. I happened to tell him about my speeding ticket (court date in August) and he offered to try to help me out to clear his karma. I had no objections!
When I was talking to him I remember what a nice guy he was. And I kept wondering out loud why he was such a jerk to me. He mentioned that he wants to take an early retirement soon and spend his time volunteering with Big Brothers/Big Sisters and undergoing surgery to give his eyes to blind people (not really with the latter one!). But the thing about The Cop... He was serious. He would really do those things. He’s not like Husky who would complain about his corporate job and how he never did anything for his community and then sit on his hands. The Cop is just the guy to take in stray animals, mentor children, and walk old ladies across the street.
So by the end of our two hour conversation, we turned to sex. As one does when you live in Mason, haven’t seen a sex worthy man since you’ve been here, oh, and you’re ovulating! Now since I’ve never written about The Cop before, I’m sure you don’t remember the story about how loud he is. The man is so loud. So loud in fact, that one time my neighbor who lived below me banged on her ceiling with a broom and shouted, “SHUT UP!” So in out discussion, I mentioned to The Cop that I rated him a 3. Now, in all reality, I don’t have a rating system in my Book of Conquests. Just nicknames, birthdays, and quirky info…but no rating. I explained that The Cop could have easily been a 3.75 had he not been so loud. That’s when he told me he’s a perfectionist and he’s willing to do what it takes to bring that score up to a 5. At that point I melted. Kids, really. I haven’t had sex since the War Between the States. And really, I haven’t thought about it. I’ve been so busy with The Dungeon and its preparations that I’ve been turned on by landscaping ideas more than men. And although The Cop was loud, I remember him being extremely effective. So talk like that gets a girl to thinking. We made an appointment for next weekend. You know, so he could see my new house and all. Too bad that I’ll have a most unwanted visitor. I think I’m gonna have to reschedule. Damn.
Now the reason why I’m groggy is because I didn’t get home till after midnight last night. And we all know that that’s pretty late for Mama Kiki. Anyway, I was at the Tiger’s game in Detroit. I remembered that the Cop worked Tigers games directing traffic, and when my group left the park, I scanned Woodward to see if he was around. I saw a guy that looks vaguely like him, but not wanting to be an idiot and try to say hello, I just passed him by. Now for background (I don’t think I have ever written about the cop) The Cop and I dated about a year ago. He was real sweet and nice and one day he dropped off the face of the earth. Everything was peachy. I remember the last time I saw him and everything was good. Then he just wouldn’t return my calls. Just like that.
When I got home I looked up The Cop in my Book of Conquests and called him up. He answered and was pretty surprised to hear from me. We ended up talking for two hours. I asked him if he was at the game and he told me he was. I described where he was and who he was talking to and I did in fact see him. I told him I was in the limo parked in front of the park and he told me he totally saw our group. It was nice talking to him. I had just complained to Tiffy earlier how I missed talking to a boy. He did the trick. He explained why he dropped off the face of the earth. His dog died and he was pretty devastated so he just disappeared for a while and never bothered to tell me. He apologized profusely and told me that he would have gone about the whole situation differently looking back in hindsight. I happened to tell him about my speeding ticket (court date in August) and he offered to try to help me out to clear his karma. I had no objections!
When I was talking to him I remember what a nice guy he was. And I kept wondering out loud why he was such a jerk to me. He mentioned that he wants to take an early retirement soon and spend his time volunteering with Big Brothers/Big Sisters and undergoing surgery to give his eyes to blind people (not really with the latter one!). But the thing about The Cop... He was serious. He would really do those things. He’s not like Husky who would complain about his corporate job and how he never did anything for his community and then sit on his hands. The Cop is just the guy to take in stray animals, mentor children, and walk old ladies across the street.
So by the end of our two hour conversation, we turned to sex. As one does when you live in Mason, haven’t seen a sex worthy man since you’ve been here, oh, and you’re ovulating! Now since I’ve never written about The Cop before, I’m sure you don’t remember the story about how loud he is. The man is so loud. So loud in fact, that one time my neighbor who lived below me banged on her ceiling with a broom and shouted, “SHUT UP!” So in out discussion, I mentioned to The Cop that I rated him a 3. Now, in all reality, I don’t have a rating system in my Book of Conquests. Just nicknames, birthdays, and quirky info…but no rating. I explained that The Cop could have easily been a 3.75 had he not been so loud. That’s when he told me he’s a perfectionist and he’s willing to do what it takes to bring that score up to a 5. At that point I melted. Kids, really. I haven’t had sex since the War Between the States. And really, I haven’t thought about it. I’ve been so busy with The Dungeon and its preparations that I’ve been turned on by landscaping ideas more than men. And although The Cop was loud, I remember him being extremely effective. So talk like that gets a girl to thinking. We made an appointment for next weekend. You know, so he could see my new house and all. Too bad that I’ll have a most unwanted visitor. I think I’m gonna have to reschedule. Damn.
