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Monday, January 02, 2006 

Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson

I just watched the ND/Ohio State game. I'm still upset.

I was contemplating writing about this, but I guess I will. I have a plan that I'm trying to see through.

After my defeat at the bars on Friday, I met Tommy. I happened to go to the diner down the street and get a shake. I start my diet tomorrow, so this weekend was the last weekend I could have junky food. Anyway, Tommy was at the diner too. He's a bartender and he was getting a bite to eat before heading home. He was cute and nice. About 6'2. 24 years old. He was pretty shy at first, but the more we talked, the more he warmed up to me. I told him that my roommate was out of town and I wanted someone to watch a movie with me and I asked if he wanted to come over since I lived down the street. Tommy was a little hesitant, but decided to make the best of the night.

I really could care less about Tommy. He was just another warm body. When we got back to my place, we settled on the couch and talked more than we watched the movie. He had a great body. Not cut. But really tall and skinny. He told me he played baseball, hockey, and football. And it showed. I could tell he was a cute kid, so I decided not to continue to lie to him. I told him that I didn't have a roommate, my real name, and the fact that I owned the house that we were in. I didn' t reveal my age. For some reason, I like for people to think I'm a lot older than I am.

Turns out Tommy is a drunk. Well, a former drunk. He turned down the drink I offered him when we got to The Dungeon, and when we talked more, he told me that he basically dropped out of school the first time because he turned into an alcoholic. He was total frat boy material and he won the frat record for most consecutive days drunk. I could tell I was really gonna like Tommy.

Because he was still pretty shy and not making a move, I told him that if he did want to cuddle, we could go downstairs and watch another movie. By this time it's about 6 AM. He agrees and tells me he has to be in Grand Rapids by 10AM the same day. I slyly told him The Dungeon provides wakeup calls.

Now we get to reason #2328184 why I don't mess around with boys under 30. I think I've written about this before, but I'm too lazy to look up the link. Edited: Here's the link. Anyway, my first question to Tommy before the movie even starts is: When was the last time you were tested? The blank expression on his face was priceless. For some reason when you ask a guy over 30 this question, they can tell you what outfit they were wearing the last time they were tested. But this question was like unchartered waters for our dear Tommy. Sigh. Anyway, I gave him a quick lecture on the importance of being tested. We didn't do anything bad. In fact, Tommy was a very good kisser and he had both a tongue ring and nipple rings to boot. Since I had questions about his current STD status, I'm not quite sure if he had anything else pierced as well! I didn't expect to see all his piercings seeing that he was such a sweet and quiet boy. But then Tommy took off his hat. I'm not sure what it is about Michigan that makes men go prematurely bald, but Tommy was definately losing his hair. I was a bit disappointed because he was such a cuttie and sweet boy. It's sad that he too was losing his hair. I kinda lost all interest at that point, and try as he did, I just wasn't feeling him anymore. However, I do confess he did make a great cuddle partner and he even made it out on time for his early morning trek to Grand Rapids.

So I've decided that I will be a Mrs. Robinson to Tommy. Yes, I'm younger than he is, so that analogy really doesn't work, but Tommy is more sure of himself than he should be. I think he's a lil scared of me seeing how I'm so forward and I pretend that I'm a bigger shit than I am. And the first step of dominance is fear. Tommy has a lot of great assets and I feel that I should be the person to teach him how to express himself in a whole new way. We'll see if this develops any further.

Damn. That was just good reading. And it made me laugh quite a bit, just because, well, I envisioned you telling me this story in a certain hall or at a certain student center... Continue on...

ok - i have a great idea

you find helpless boys in bars, bring them home under the guise of seducing them...then rip them to shreds about their clothes, hair, eating habits and basically scare the shit out of them.

then send them a bill for your services!!

"the first step of dominance is fear."

heh yeah. i scare the hell out of the young artists i used to hold court with.

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About me

  • I'm young, single, got a great ass, a serial dater, a sometimes drunk, addicted to the gym, liable to make fat girls cry, have a mild ED, think Notre Dame is the greatest college and Texas is the greatest state. Currently at a standstill since moving from Detroit Area, Michigan (tons of yuppies) to Mason, MI (noted KKK presence). Come be a part of my random, shocking, and exciting world.
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