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Friday, January 06, 2006 

Don’t be fooled. This is a completely true story.

I forgot to sync my palm before I left work today so I don’t have the wonderful post I wrote earlier. Therefore, I will just tell my story.

My builder came over to look at The Dungeon cause I was having a couple of problems.

1) The back door was not staying closed.
2) The bathroom doors were not staying open.
3) The water in the shower gets cold after about 20 minutes.

My builder told me he would be at The Dungeon at 4:15. I showed up at 4:00 just as he was pulling into my driveway. I figured he was gonna show up early and then leave when he saw I wasn’t there. Oh honey. You have to get up pretty early in the morning to think you can out scheme me. I’m the Queen of Schemes!

I showed him the first problem. He said he could fix it. Good!

I showed him the second problem. Basically what’s happening is the bathroom door won’t stay open. This causes a problem when you’re using the mirror to brush your teeth as the door keeps closing on you. My builder looked at the door without touching it and said the problem couldn’t be fixed. I asked him if he was going to check the hinges for alignment or physically touch the door and he said that it didn’t matter because again, the door could not be fixed. (BTW, I checked out this site today at work. The problem can too be fixed.) I asked him if the he would be comfortable shaving in front of the mirror with the door constantly hitting him in the shoulder. He told me that some of his buddies have the same problem in their house and it doesn’t bother them. I told him I didn’t ask what his buddies were comfortable with. I was asking what he was comfortable with. He told me he wasn’t gonna fix it. And that’s when lawyer (not licensed) Kiki came to play. I looked him in the eye and said, “So, you just said you’re not going to fix the door. Meaning there is a solution to fixing the door, you’re just not going to employ that solution.” Builder was upset, said he wasn’t going to fix it, and asked about my third problem.

I politely informed him that while taking a shower, the water goes from comfortably hot to icy cold. He went to his truck, got a thermometer, and tested the temperature of the water in the kitchen sink. He said the temperature was fine, and I explained again that the problem was the hot water eventually running out. And also, the problem was in the bathroom. He said there was no problem. I asked if he was going to check the water heater (see, earlier in the day I called a plumber in Texas, and by telling him my problem over the phone, he gave me a preliminary diagnosis of what he thought the problem was. And yes, the Texas plumber definitely thought there was a problem.). I followed the builder to the basement where he never touched the water heater, but said he couldn’t find a problem. I then invited him to check the water temperature in the bathroom. And that’s were the story gets fun!

I followed the builder into my bathroom. I have two doors in the bathroom. One leading to the hallway and one leading to the bathroom. Now remember, one of the doors closes automatically and the builder previously said he wasn’t going to fix the door. So as I followed the builder into the bathroom, the door shut behind us in the cramped space. The builder tested the water temperature and again said there was no problem. I then explained to him for a third time that the problem occurs when the water has been running for more than five minutes. He then stood up, looked at me, and said, “Kiki, you’re problem is that you think there’s a solution to everything.” “You’re right,” I replied. At that point, since I still had my cowboy boots on, I placed my feet against both bathroom doors so he couldn’t get out. I looked him in the eye and said, “So what are we gonna do about it?” The builder reached for the doorknob, “Kiki, open the door.” “So what are we going to do about my water heater problem?” The builder paused to take a few breaths. He was well beyond red at this point and I was bracing to get smacked across the jaw. “Kiki, open this door.” “I just need to know what we’re going to do about my water heater.” He took another few deep breaths. I knew I had him, and if I just stood my ground, I could beat him. “Well, I’m not a plumber so I’m not going to touch your water heater.” “O.K. So, when are you going to call a plumber to come out and look at my water heater?” “Well, I can’t do it now because I don’t have his number. As a matter of fact, I’m going to ask that he contact you directly.” He was steaming now. “Thanks. That’s all I needed to know.” And at that point, I let him out of the bathroom.

“Do you still want me to fix the door leading to the backyard?” he yelled. “Yeah, I’m having company soon and that needs to be fixed.”

“I didn’t appreciate you locking me in that bathroom,” he said.

“Well, I don’t appreciate you being elusive when I tell you about problems I’m having.”

“You know what, if I wanted to, I could beat you ten times over. But I’m a man and you’re a woman, and I’m not going to do that. In fact, you’re a woman, and I don’t feel safe right now. I’m not going to fix your door. I’m gonna come back when I have someone here with me.” He picked up his tools and stormed out the back door.

I followed after him. “Ok. That’s fine. As long as you come quick. I’m having company soon and I need this taken care of. Oh, and I’ll be around this weekend so give me a call.” My voice was nice and sweet.

He stormed through my backyard, threw his tools in the back of his truck, and literally sped away.

But, before he got into his truck, I made sure he heard me say, “Have a nice weekend!”

oh, kiki, you're such a badass. You rock.

I hope someday I can be as cool with people who I pay to do jobs for me as you are.

Did that last sentence make any sense? I hope it did.

Just don't put yourself in dangerous situations! That interaction could have turned real ugly for me real fast!

yeah, that was divine intervention that he didn't pummel your ass. i think more than anything he was taken aback by your audacity.


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About me

  • I'm young, single, got a great ass, a serial dater, a sometimes drunk, addicted to the gym, liable to make fat girls cry, have a mild ED, think Notre Dame is the greatest college and Texas is the greatest state. Currently at a standstill since moving from Detroit Area, Michigan (tons of yuppies) to Mason, MI (noted KKK presence). Come be a part of my random, shocking, and exciting world.
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