Addendum
This is one of those more for me than for you posts.
My weight really does freak me out. I’m a control freak. This weekend I went shopping, did yardwork, baked cookies, cooked dinner, and went to the movies with a friend. When I woke up this morning I wondered if there was more I could have done. I felt like I wasted away my weekend. So the whole thing about me losing weight is freaking me out. Basically I weigh right now more than I ever have. (This statement probably isn’t true. Actually, during my last weigh in, I weighed 2 pound more than my ‘ideal’ weight. I tend to have a flair for the dramatic.) And there’s probably a reason why those size 4 shorts were a little tight. My problem is that I lack willpower. Or I go to extremes. In my kitchen right now I have 4 chocolate chip cookies and 2 burgers that I grilled last night for dinner. The goal is to give the cookies to Baloo (he’ll be more than happy to take them off my hands) and eat the burgers in moderation. I’m also going to the gym tonight. Granted, I have lost about a pound in the last week, but it’s not good enough for me. I want instant gratification, and I want it now. My biggest problem lies in the fact that I want to be the perfect little girlfriend. I’m an excellent cook. In fact, I cook more now that I’m with Baloo than I ever cooked before. And all that cooking has added up to me being a fatty. Combine that with the fact that I’m 25 and my metabolism is slowing down and I’m a wreck right now.
For my superbowl party last year I dropped a massive amount of weight. I went on a liquid diet for a month. All I could eat were slimfast shakes and yogurt. Oh, and bananas. Was it healthy? No. But it worked. I’m trying to do the liquid diet again but I always cheat on the weekends. I haven’t put up a new picture on myspace or facebook because I think I look hefty in all the pictures recently taken of me. Of course Baloo doesn’t think I’m fat. He just doesn’t want me to get so skinny and unhealthy that I can’t have sex anymore. Which I find funny. However, I do want all the skimpy lingerie I have to look sexy, not like a bloated whale is trapped in
So this month is dedicated to weight loss. Not only do I want to get back to my desired weight, but I also want for the circumference of my waist to fit into the size guides of all the major clothing labels. I’m committed to doing this and I will be back to a size 4 by the end of the month.
Labels: obsessions, weight
