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Wednesday, August 23, 2006 

I Want Those 46 Minutes of My Life Back

I'm on the phone right now. I'm about to impale myself with my mouse, hoping that I kill myself. I'm talking to this guy who sought me out. I have a profile online again. I haven't had one up in a few years. I don't know why I put a profile back up. Maybe because Stephanie Klein met her current Suitor online. If she can do that and get married and get a book deal and have twins, shit, the least I could do was put up a profile.

So yes. I set up a profile. So far I've had two people have contacted me. And they're both freaks. I'm on the phone right now with the second of the freaks. He's 40. And very nervous. I can tell.

He sent me an email and included his phone number. Obviously I called him. He seemed like he was in the middle of something when he answered. I asked if he wanted me to call him back and he said he wasn't busy. He was just watching the X-Files. He won an eBay autcion of the entire 3847 seasons the show was on the air. Wow. Nerd. Now, to be fair, I was an X-Files fan when it was on TV. I even went to see the X-Files movie in the theatre. However, I did not buy the entire 72 disc DVD set off the internet.

Anyway, Pocket Kip has already dubbed this freak Van. Why Van? Because it's short for Vanilla Ice. This is the blackest white guy I have ever met. Now it's not what you think. He doesn't listen to rap and wear baggy pants. He's 40. Instead he's a career student starting the PhD program at MSU. And what, pray tell is he studying? Africa and African American Studies and All Things that are black. Now really, this isn't a bad thing. The weired thing that of the 4 emails he's sent me, they are all about the eradication of white supremacy and the plight of the black man. Ok. I'm convinced that this man knows more about black history than I do.

Another thing. He was neverous. Very nervous. It could have been because I have a larger than life personality. I'm very entergetic. I'm supposing he's a person who's been a career student, never held a real job, and is just a book worm. He couldn't tell me why he was nervous, just that he was.

So, why am I dealing with this guy? I don't know. I guess I'm bored. And everybody needs a hobby. I also have a weird feeling that he's an amazing lover. I'm not sure why I think this, but I'm kinda convinced of it. Kipper even verified that if they're crazy in the head they're crazy in the bed. I feel I should find out if this is true. However, he tends to bore me and I wrote the majority of this post while I was on the phone with him. I guess Mr. Tequila Man will need to chaperone me on my outings with Van.

See how much I care about my audience! I'm doing it all for y'all!

i changed my mind about him being good in bed. my feeling now is that he sucks a big one, and it ain't what you want sucked honey. anybody that nervous on the phone is gonna be even more nervous in bed. he won't even know what to do with your rocking ass. and i bet he doesn't like to do it in the morning either. and that's a HUGE crime with you.

Kiki, you don't need a hobby, messing with men IS your hobby. And it makes for damn good blog fodder.

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About me

  • I'm young, single, got a great ass, a serial dater, a sometimes drunk, addicted to the gym, liable to make fat girls cry, have a mild ED, think Notre Dame is the greatest college and Texas is the greatest state. Currently at a standstill since moving from Detroit Area, Michigan (tons of yuppies) to Mason, MI (noted KKK presence). Come be a part of my random, shocking, and exciting world.
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