Maybe It's Time We Broke Up
Now that I'm done with my exam I have a lot more time on my hands. That time has been spent knitting and being alone with my thoughts. The latter can never lead to anything good.
Baloo and I had this talk on Saturday night while we drove to his friend's house to party. We had the talk again tonight after he came to my place and crawled into my bed. I wanted to know what he was doing with his life. See, Baloo is getting his masters in trees. Trouble is, he's been working on that masters for the last two years. And he doesn't have a full time job. He has a part time job now, and as a part time student, I know how difficult it is to juggle both. So, whenever I need to study, I always invite him along to study with me. He always agrees to come and about an hour into our study session I take a peek at his laptop screen to see what he's up to. It usually has something to do with buying ski gear and equipment.
Now, I understand that I'm a highly motivated person. It's just who I am. But I'm beginning to get tired. I feel that I should probably just cut my losses now. Sure he's a wonderful person and he's treating me better than I've ever been treated by a man. But, there's something missing that's nagging at me. He lacks motivation. And I believe it was a while back that I said motivation is now something I MUST have in a man.
I've tried everything. I told him I'd sit down with him and put together a plan to finish his masters (consequentially, he only has 2 months of research and writing left to finish). My plan was to have him all wrapped up by Easter and on to other things. He didn't really scoff at my plan, but he didn't embrace it either. I asked him what he wanted me to do. Maybe I just needed to lay off and give him what he wants. But he couldn't come up with a good answer to what he wants from me.
So now I'm at the end of my rope. It's only been 2 months but I'm tired. He loves me, indulges me, and makes me feel good. But for some reason it's not enough. I guess that's the reason I'm writing this at 2:00A when I told him I was just going to the kitchen for some water.
He's excited for me to meet his best friend when she comes to town for Christmas. I'm already trying to find a way out of that, just in case we don't make it till then.
Baloo and I had this talk on Saturday night while we drove to his friend's house to party. We had the talk again tonight after he came to my place and crawled into my bed. I wanted to know what he was doing with his life. See, Baloo is getting his masters in trees. Trouble is, he's been working on that masters for the last two years. And he doesn't have a full time job. He has a part time job now, and as a part time student, I know how difficult it is to juggle both. So, whenever I need to study, I always invite him along to study with me. He always agrees to come and about an hour into our study session I take a peek at his laptop screen to see what he's up to. It usually has something to do with buying ski gear and equipment.
Now, I understand that I'm a highly motivated person. It's just who I am. But I'm beginning to get tired. I feel that I should probably just cut my losses now. Sure he's a wonderful person and he's treating me better than I've ever been treated by a man. But, there's something missing that's nagging at me. He lacks motivation. And I believe it was a while back that I said motivation is now something I MUST have in a man.
I've tried everything. I told him I'd sit down with him and put together a plan to finish his masters (consequentially, he only has 2 months of research and writing left to finish). My plan was to have him all wrapped up by Easter and on to other things. He didn't really scoff at my plan, but he didn't embrace it either. I asked him what he wanted me to do. Maybe I just needed to lay off and give him what he wants. But he couldn't come up with a good answer to what he wants from me.
So now I'm at the end of my rope. It's only been 2 months but I'm tired. He loves me, indulges me, and makes me feel good. But for some reason it's not enough. I guess that's the reason I'm writing this at 2:00A when I told him I was just going to the kitchen for some water.
He's excited for me to meet his best friend when she comes to town for Christmas. I'm already trying to find a way out of that, just in case we don't make it till then.
Labels: baloo, relationship
Oh, lovey, don't feel sad. I think you should keep it casual. You guys haven't been a couple long enough to worry about his plans for the next six months. You mentioned that he's a great guy and he makes you feel good. How about just focusing on that and waiting another month or two before you worry. Enjoy the time you have, your holiday break and the fact that you have someone who treats you well.
I hope you know, I'm not rooting for Baloo or anything. I just want you to have some fun with this whole relationship thing. I think I like Kiki in a relationship. It's fun! But, if you must go your seperate ways, I'll be happy if you're happy! **Hugs**
Posted by
Summer |
Thu Dec 14, 03:25:00 AM EST
Well, there's one respect where Baloo and I are a lot alike, although I'm sure people say worse things about me. Maybe we should form a support group. Speaking from experience, having people telling me what I should be doing with my life or trying to motivate me tends to have the opposite effect.
Just from reading your posts for the last month or so, it sounds like Baloo has made you happy, and really added something to your life. I don't think you should be so quick to call it off.
Posted by
Anonymous |
Thu Dec 14, 04:08:00 AM EST
I used to live in a house with Environmental Studies grad students in Ann Arbor.
Baloo reminds me of some of my old roomies.
The motivation may be there it is just directed towards the road less traveled, so to speak.
I think someone who studies trees wants to tread lightly on the earth and spend as much time as possible outdoors. This means, lots of skiing,hiking,canoeing...and not much getting down to traditional business.
Hey,maybe you need is companionship and "love" right now and if he fills that need, why let go too soon?
Posted by
(M)ary |
Thu Dec 14, 08:46:00 PM EST