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Monday, April 11, 2005 

What really happened this weekend

Quia alerted me to this article. Maybe I don’t date in MI cause the Klan is in full force in the CITY I LIVE IN! The next time anyone has something derogatory to say about southerners, please direct them to this article.

I think I may be going to Florida next weekend. I think. See, I would probably know for sure if I didn’t drink so much.

I drank all weekend. I passed out at 7P on my couch on Friday night. However, not before calling Mr. Corp. America (I think that’s a good name for him). Anyway, I left a message on his voicemail saying that I would possibly be in his area over the weekend and it would be cool if we could meet for lunch to talk about career aspirations. He called a few hours later and told me that he would instead be in the Lansing area, and if he had time, maybe we could have lunch on Saturday in Lansing. He would call and let me know. Cool. I was excited. I talked to Tiffy on Friday night. Surprisingly when you pass out before 7P your body doesn’t really let you sleep for the rest of the night.

So Saturday rolls around. I hit the gym (you know I wanted everything nice and firm), got real cute, and headed out. First stop was the golf store. I’m still thinking about taking lessons this summer. I don’t know. I totally flirted with the guy in the shop. He was nice and preppy. I’ve decided that’s how I’m going to spend my weekends. Going into stores and pretending I’m totally interested in whatever wares they’re hawking, and then just flirt shamelessly with the staff. A girl needs a hobby.

From there I went to Toys ‘R Us. Not happy. It smelled like diseased children. Anyway, Steph, an atty I used to work for is preggers. And since I can’t make her shower in TX, I decided to get her something. It was actually kinda fun shopping for her. I’m just glad that I’m not the one having the baby.

Oh yeah, I have to mention…all of this browsing and shopping was an excuse to be out and about when Mr. Corp America called. So after Toys ‘R Us, I hit the huge outdoor mall in E.Lansing. It’s real nice w/ a J.Crew, William Sonoma, Banana. So I hit the stores and then ended up at this Irish Pub where I sat outside, looked disapprovingly at all the passerbyers, and had a piece of cheesecake and a glass of wine (weekend drink count: 2). Well the wine coupled with the beautiful weather gave me an idea. I immediately went home, changed into a bikini, grabbed another glass of wine and sat outside on the balcony and read a book. I honestly can’t tell you what happened after that. I think I had 2 glasses of wine before it got cold and I went inside. However, I can’t remember what I did after that. Probably passed out.

Now to the great day of Sunday

I woke up at noon and finally realized that Mr. Corp. America never called. I really wasn’t too pissed. Just a bit disappointed. I decided then and there that I no longer felt anything for him and his existence no longer exists to me. And it’s not like it matters b/c I really don’t have much contact with him anyway. Well it was a nice day outside, so I decided to sit out on the balcony and read. Two vodka lemonades (homemade, industrial strength) and a percocet later I was on the phone. Talked to Rican, Roomie, and Amy. Then started calling boys. I called Old Man. I was out of my mind! I was drunk and out of it. I was incoherent. I pretended that I called his number on accident (I called and immediately hung up. He called me back.) I was telling him that I was unhappy in lansing and that the men didn’t inspire me, making my four month celibate streak (can you believe it? 4 Months!) easy to uphold. I started whining about come other stuff when he offered to take me out to dinner and shopping b/c I sounded so down. We made plans for next weekend. I feel a steak dinner coming on. Next I called FLA. That’s what we’re gonna call him for the time being until we find a more appropriate nickname. FLA is a traveling salesman from FLA. I went out with him twice. He’s pathetic but owns a condo on the beach in FLA. Well my drunken self called him and told him I wanted to come to FLA. He wanted something in return. Since I’m still celibate Kiki, I set some terms. Basically I got him to agree to a strict no touching policy in return for a plane ticket, shopping (bikinis and dresses) and dinner. All to happen next weekend. I set clear and specific guidelines and told him if he violated any of them, I was out the door. He bought it. Now we’ll just wait to see if he delivers on the ticket this week.

So the moral of the story is that Kiki is so much more fun when she drinks.

About me

  • I'm young, single, got a great ass, a serial dater, a sometimes drunk, addicted to the gym, liable to make fat girls cry, have a mild ED, think Notre Dame is the greatest college and Texas is the greatest state. Currently at a standstill since moving from Detroit Area, Michigan (tons of yuppies) to Mason, MI (noted KKK presence). Come be a part of my random, shocking, and exciting world.
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