Just about ready to set fire to myself
I think the title explains it all. I’m still talking to Jebediah. We’ve made plans to go out on Friday night. I don’t think I’ll survive till then. Seriously.
So he sends me an email asking me if I prefer Chinese or Steak, and asking if I wanted to go skating after dinner. I replied back letting him know that I’m a steak girl, true to my Texas roots, and I wouldn’t mind going skating. However, in my mind, I’m questioning how elaborate this date is. The last date I went on I got wasted off wine, I ended up at a strip club where I left my date and went home. So a dinner and skating date seems very Middle School to me. Whatever. I’ll try anything once.
So Jeb is all excited about going skating. He tells me that he’s ‘part Texan’ as well as his ‘granddad’ was from Texas, and he can’t wait to go roller skating. There are so many things wrong with his email.
First, and most importantly: He is NOT ‘part Texan.’ Texan is not a race. Like someone is part black or part Hispanic. Texan is a nationality. In order to claim you are a Texan, you either have to be born in Texas or have resided in Texas for more than 20 years. Those are the rules. I don’t make this stuff up. And Texans don’t like for others to lightly imply that they are from our great State.
Second: Roller Skating? Are we back in 1976 and in the 8th grade? Now granted, I have to give him points for creativity. However, I thought he meant ice skating at first as his initial email to me included a picture of two figure skaters, and he constantly referred to ‘blades.’ Also, roller skating rinks are breeding grounds for germs as small children and ruffian teenagers like to hang out there. No respectable 40 y/o man goes to the roller skating rink with a date. Unless they are both drunk and high. And are willing to shove young children. And are drunk and high.
AND….roller skating is nasty. I once went bowling with the massage guy in Mason. And the shoe sanitizer they used was an off brand air freshener. An AIR FRESHENER to SANATIZE SHOES! There’s no way in hell I’m putting my foot in some nasty shoe that hasn’t been properly sanitized.
So I’m dreading my date on Friday with Jebediah. I’m only going through with it because I want a steak dinner and I feel that I have to finish what I started. I started the job of breaking his spirits, and gosh darn I’m gonna complete that task.
Updated: Because this was just way too good….
So if you know Mama Kiki, there is a particular food that I REFUSE to eat. I have had it on many occasions, and I don’t like the taste of it. So, of course I was stunned to see in my inbox that Jebediah had chosen a restaurant that SPECIALIZES in the ONE FOOD that I don’t eat
So he sends me an email asking me if I prefer Chinese or Steak, and asking if I wanted to go skating after dinner. I replied back letting him know that I’m a steak girl, true to my Texas roots, and I wouldn’t mind going skating. However, in my mind, I’m questioning how elaborate this date is. The last date I went on I got wasted off wine, I ended up at a strip club where I left my date and went home. So a dinner and skating date seems very Middle School to me. Whatever. I’ll try anything once.
So Jeb is all excited about going skating. He tells me that he’s ‘part Texan’ as well as his ‘granddad’ was from Texas, and he can’t wait to go roller skating. There are so many things wrong with his email.
First, and most importantly: He is NOT ‘part Texan.’ Texan is not a race. Like someone is part black or part Hispanic. Texan is a nationality. In order to claim you are a Texan, you either have to be born in Texas or have resided in Texas for more than 20 years. Those are the rules. I don’t make this stuff up. And Texans don’t like for others to lightly imply that they are from our great State.
Second: Roller Skating? Are we back in 1976 and in the 8th grade? Now granted, I have to give him points for creativity. However, I thought he meant ice skating at first as his initial email to me included a picture of two figure skaters, and he constantly referred to ‘blades.’ Also, roller skating rinks are breeding grounds for germs as small children and ruffian teenagers like to hang out there. No respectable 40 y/o man goes to the roller skating rink with a date. Unless they are both drunk and high. And are willing to shove young children. And are drunk and high.
AND….roller skating is nasty. I once went bowling with the massage guy in Mason. And the shoe sanitizer they used was an off brand air freshener. An AIR FRESHENER to SANATIZE SHOES! There’s no way in hell I’m putting my foot in some nasty shoe that hasn’t been properly sanitized.
So I’m dreading my date on Friday with Jebediah. I’m only going through with it because I want a steak dinner and I feel that I have to finish what I started. I started the job of breaking his spirits, and gosh darn I’m gonna complete that task.
Updated: Because this was just way too good….
So if you know Mama Kiki, there is a particular food that I REFUSE to eat. I have had it on many occasions, and I don’t like the taste of it. So, of course I was stunned to see in my inbox that Jebediah had chosen a restaurant that SPECIALIZES in the ONE FOOD that I don’t eat
OMG, you have to tell us what the food is!!!! (Those of us who don't already know, I mean.)
Roller skating makes me think of elementary school birthday parties, not a grown-up date. They have roller disco at the Roxy on Wed nights though, which I'm dying to try... but with the girls. NOT on a date.
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Fri Mar 03, 09:37:00 AM EST