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Wednesday, February 15, 2006 

I’ve attracted another crazy

I’m totally PMSing. My body is slowly running out of the artificial hormones I provide it every month and I’m slowly returning to natural Kiki. That Kiki scares me. I like to sit and think for about three minutes after getting out of the shower in the morning. Most times my thoughts are on what I’m going to wear or what meetings I have for the upcoming day. Today I had a different thought. I’m tired of caring about men. I’m tired of finding a man that I’m interested in, only to rearrange my schedule, drive many miles to see him, feel that I’m the one thinking of him while he’s not thinking of me. I’m tired of it. So, from now on out, I’m going to change my approach to men. I’m going to be the one who’s uninterested. I’m going to hold out till he wants me more than I want him. I’m not going to be the one who calls (well, unless I just want sex. I can call for sex). I’m going to be the one who gets involved in community service and charities and functions so I can have other things to occupy my time instead of think of him. I’m going to date more than one person so I don’t think of him as often. For once, I want to be the one desired…to drive a man insane. Officially, that change starts now.

I received an email in my inbox this morning. It’s from the crazy 40 y/o man who thinks he’s going to find a 40 y/o virgin to spend the rest of his life with. I sent him an email some time ago apologizing for being gone because I was so wrapped up in my birthday and party. So naturally he sends me a 30 page dissertation. Here are some of the highlights. My comments, of course, in parentheses:

“One of the things that I'm willing to make time for, and always have been, is "the" special woman in my life. Since currently I do not have a special woman in my life, then it means that I am willing to make time for the person (a person) who might be that special woman.” (Ok, so I haven’t so much as talked to this guy on the phone nor seen a picture of him. Yet I’m in the ranks of ‘special woman?’)

“You sounded and sound like a person with whom I share much in common. We seem to share many of the same traits. But at the same time it's ok if you're not interested. I would understand and would not be offended. That's life. There are all kinds of relationships: friends, colleagues, personal, "dating," marriage... Not everyone is seeking the same things in life or in relationships, and that's ok too.” (Again…the only interaction we’ve had has been email. I think he’s really pushing it too far at this point.)

“I'm not a casual dater (I don't play the field), yet nor am I too shy to express what I feel or desire. My desire is to pursue meaningful relationships (preferably as few as possible) that "might" lead to marriage. One of them will, while most of them, as would be the case for anyone, will not.

So, having said all of that, how do you see me fitting into your World?” (Dude. Chill out. Believe me, you do NOT want to marry me. And on that note, I’m so conceited; I barely fit into my World. To think that you deserve a place there and I’ve never seen a pic of you (meaning you could be a fatty) is very presumptuous on your part. If you want someone to submit so easily to you, might I suggest mail order brides!)

So although I just wrote that wonderful life changing piece about my change to be aloof to men, I feel that I already need to make an exception. Because if you know one thing about Ms. Kiki, it’s that I love tearing people apart and breaking them down. (Just ask Old Man. It’s been nearly 3 years and he’s still has heart palpitations when I call him drunk just to fuck with his mind.) So I’ve decided I need to treat this new crazy with kid gloves. I may even change my personality for him. I may pretend to be the sweet and innocent person just to lure him in. And my grand finale? Convincing him to sleep with me. Cause if there’s one thing conservative right-wing crazies hate, it’s pre-marital sex. And really, I think that could just put him over the edge. I win!

About me

  • I'm young, single, got a great ass, a serial dater, a sometimes drunk, addicted to the gym, liable to make fat girls cry, have a mild ED, think Notre Dame is the greatest college and Texas is the greatest state. Currently at a standstill since moving from Detroit Area, Michigan (tons of yuppies) to Mason, MI (noted KKK presence). Come be a part of my random, shocking, and exciting world.
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