Opening Up?
I wish I had the ability to be more honest in my writing. I just read dooce. She talks about the miscarriage she just had. I had a close friend who had a miscarriage and I remember going over to her house to hang out with her and keep her company and I remember how sad she was. She now has 2 children now, but it was tough then.
I admire people who write honestly about themselves. I always try to portray myself as perfect. And the things that aren't perfect about me, I try to gloss over as if I can justify them. I had a shitty day today. Shittier than I've had in a long time. So shitty that I started looking for the first available week to take off work. Just so I can escape from everything.
Ok. So here goes. I have _____. Ok. I know that's probably not a big deal to you. Lots of people have _____. But not me. I'm perfect. I'm unblemished. I went to the Doctor this morning cause I was in too much denial and Baloo practically forced me to go. Not only do I have _____, but I also my have some type of infection because I refused to treat it all these days, and instead ignored the problem. No one has said anything, but I feel like telling them that Baloo hit me instead of telling them that I'm a dirty girl with dirty diseases.
See, I wasn't even able to really share. Cause I'm a bit of a coward in a sense. I had totally written this out, but when I typed it, it looked bad. Don't worry. It's nothing serious and I'm not going to die. It's a very common occurance and it's totally normal...I just happen to have weird issues. It's funny. I could talk about all the boys I tricked and slept with. But I can't talk about something that the majority of Americans have. I definitely have issues.
Update: This day just keeps getting worse. I just got a call from the pharmacy and they let me know that my prescription doesn't come in generic. So, I'll have to pay out the ass for my co-pay just to get better. I can not wait to go out drinking tonight!
I admire people who write honestly about themselves. I always try to portray myself as perfect. And the things that aren't perfect about me, I try to gloss over as if I can justify them. I had a shitty day today. Shittier than I've had in a long time. So shitty that I started looking for the first available week to take off work. Just so I can escape from everything.
Ok. So here goes. I have _____. Ok. I know that's probably not a big deal to you. Lots of people have _____. But not me. I'm perfect. I'm unblemished. I went to the Doctor this morning cause I was in too much denial and Baloo practically forced me to go. Not only do I have _____, but I also my have some type of infection because I refused to treat it all these days, and instead ignored the problem. No one has said anything, but I feel like telling them that Baloo hit me instead of telling them that I'm a dirty girl with dirty diseases.
See, I wasn't even able to really share. Cause I'm a bit of a coward in a sense. I had totally written this out, but when I typed it, it looked bad. Don't worry. It's nothing serious and I'm not going to die. It's a very common occurance and it's totally normal...I just happen to have weird issues. It's funny. I could talk about all the boys I tricked and slept with. But I can't talk about something that the majority of Americans have. I definitely have issues.
Update: This day just keeps getting worse. I just got a call from the pharmacy and they let me know that my prescription doesn't come in generic. So, I'll have to pay out the ass for my co-pay just to get better. I can not wait to go out drinking tonight!
Labels: confessions
I'm sorry you had such a bad day. I can understand your grief over being unable to write with honesty. I have trouble writing about myself at all, and when I try to open up it always sounds self-absorbed and creepy. That's why my blog is more of a collection of angry commentaries and rants than it is an actual journal.
But think about it this way - is it really worth being honest and pouring your heart out if what you have to say will only be read by a bunch of strangers on the Internet? (Who probably won't even bother commenting on your blog anyway?)
I will be attending our high school's homecoming game tomorrow and will be thinking of you. Also, I will be hoping that other people from our class show up so that I don't feel like a jackass.
Posted by
Jonathan Dewbre |
Fri Oct 19, 04:11:00 AM EDT
Yep, nobody else from our class showed up. I felt like a jackass.
Posted by
Jonathan Dewbre |
Fri Oct 19, 10:42:00 PM EDT
I'm sorry that your day was so bad. Here's to a better day tomorrow.
~ Roomie
Posted by
Anonymous |
Sat Oct 20, 12:42:00 AM EDT
No ones perfect baby...that's what makes us humans so great.
And you have the greatest thing of all...some one that loves you with all of your faults...so why cant you love yourself? :-)
Smile...and be thankful :-)
Luv ya and MISS ya!
Posted by
Anonymous |
Sun Oct 21, 08:47:00 AM EDT