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Sunday, June 25, 2006 

That's It. I'm Done.

I'm done with men. I don't care what y'all try to tell me or convince me of. I'm done with 'em.

It started innocently enough this afternoon. I went to Festival of the Sun like I planned. It was starting to get late and as many of you can guess, I was searching for someone to spend the rest of the evening with...be it just hanging out at the bar or more. I should have known better. The clientel of the festival included hippies who liked to drink wine and frat boys who wanted to get a cheap buzz. I ended up settling on Carl.

Carl was there with his friend Nate. Carl had a grey tooth that I was willing to ignore because he was such a nice guy. After the festival ended, we decided that we all wanted to hang out more. I was reluctant to drive while drinking, so I suggested that we drive my car back to The Dungeon and catch a cab back to the festivities. All agreed and off we went.

We waited at The Dungeon for about an hour for a cab to arrive but for some reason the cab companies wouldn't service my area and they continued to keep hanging up on me. Therefore, I decided I was sober enough to drive.

Carl and I hit it off well. When we got to the bar, he bought me drinks and we danced. He was an awful dancer but he was a lot of fun. As the night was coming to a close, he hinted that he wanted to come back to The Dungeon with me. I was a little skeptical so I called Roomie from the bathroom. I told her that Carl had a grey tooth and dipped tobacco, but at this point I was pretty horney and I needed her advice on whether or not to bring him back to The Dungeon. She gave me a very reluctant go ahead, and Carl and I were off.

When I got back to The Dungeon, I immediately noticed something was wrong. While cleaning up this afternoon, I left money on the kitchen counter to pay the kid who does my lawn. When I walked into my house with Carl, the money was gone. I knew he and his friend took it when we left The Dungeon after not being able to get a cab. I loudly expressed this to Carl as I left my purse on the counter and proceeded to the bathroom. I was hoping that while I was in the bathroom, he would feel shame and replace the money, telling me that I had looked in the wrong place. Unfortunately, Carl and his grey tooth weren't so smart.

I then proceeded to unload the dishwasher and fortunately I had washed a couple of big knifes. As I was putting the knifes away, I asked Carl about his plans for the evening. He said he was hoping he could spend the night. As I caressed my butcher knife, I let him know that that wasn't an option anymore. I told him that he needed to leave. He was floored. He didn't know what to say. He asked me why and I simply told him that I didn't appreciate people taking things from me. At first he never deined taking the money. He asked if he could use my phone (he broke his cell phone and was without one) and I told him no. He pleaded to stay on the couch and I told him no again. I wanted him out of my house.

So, I kicked him out with him barely knowing where he was, and without a cell phone to call someone to pick him up. Before he left he said, "Kiki, I really like you and I didn't think you were this type of person." To which I replied, "Well, I am. Get out."

I hope he thought the money was worth it. Being out on his ass with no means of communication. Because it provided quite a funny ending to my evening.

*I haven't changed any names and I've provided a picture of Carl and Nate. Carl is on the right. Just so everyone can get a clear visual!

Updated to add: Oh, and how could I forget to tell you that not only did I kick him out with no means of communication, but he also had no means of transportation. And as you remember, the cabs don't come to my house. Heh!

He looks like a scuzzy money stealer!! I'm glad you threw him out.

Ewww! Bad boy! I think you did the right thing. I would have done it.

it would have been even more fun to work him up with blue balls - and then kick him out!!!

also, i feel that you should have kicked him out THEN called the cops and reported a strange man wandering the neighborhood in a suspicious manner.

finally, kipper would never have reluctantly told you to bring him home. i would have said 'hells yeah'...cuz kipper knows that even if you got him home and naked and changed your mind, you'd still kick him out. and you like knives - and know how to protect yourself.

the end.


Kipper would have never "reluctantly" agreed to your question because Kipper is a whore. With that in mind, he is also lovable, fabulous and funny as hell. I was reluctant to the grey tooth - even though it was probably a traumatic injury as opposed to poor dental hygiene, a tooth that is too grey deserves a little polishing and any one who doesn't care enough to take care of that might not live up to the high standards of Ms. Kiki. He turned out to be not only scuzzy, but also a thief. So my theory is correct....

... ok, ok.... and the strange man thing makes me a little hesitant too. Old habits die hard!

That is all. :-)

~ Roomie

you make excellent points roomie.

however, mama kiki is so caked full of poison that no harm can come to her. and she's crazy. and always gets her way.

and let's face it. encouraging her to do these things makes EXCELLENT stories for her blog. i'm just thinking of the greater good.

and yes. i am a whore. well, i used to be. not so much anymore. i think...

Sorry to see your in the midst of an identity crisis, Kip. Just know that you'll always be a whore to me - never forget that!

And you're right about Ms. Kiki - she is very self-sufficient and very evil. It's been a while since our "roomie" years together, and I sometimes underestimate the demon that makes an appearance everyone once in a while.

~ Roomie

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  • I'm young, single, got a great ass, a serial dater, a sometimes drunk, addicted to the gym, liable to make fat girls cry, have a mild ED, think Notre Dame is the greatest college and Texas is the greatest state. Currently at a standstill since moving from Detroit Area, Michigan (tons of yuppies) to Mason, MI (noted KKK presence). Come be a part of my random, shocking, and exciting world.
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