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Tuesday, March 14, 2006 

Calling in Sick

My intern didn’t show up today. I was mildly displeased. But that doesn’t matter. This is what matters: how you call in to work sick.

Now granted, my intern doesn’t have a ton to do at the office. I can see why she gets bored some of the time. However, that’s also why you don’t pay interns. My intern was on Spring Break last week. I think she went to Cancun or somewhere. Anyway, she called in today and gave me this long story about getting avian flu on the plane and how she didn’t feel well, but she thinks she’ll be better tomorrow.

Now we get to Kiki’s method of calling in sick. I pick up the phone. I tell whoever answers that I’m not going to be in. I tell them to call me on my cell if they need me. I hang up. No unnecessary explanations. No concocted stories about illness, sorrow, or death. I’m sure everyone in the office understands I don’t possess human emotions and I don’t get sick, so people just let me call in sick for whatever reason and that’s that. Plus, I’m always at the office. I hardly ever take days off.

With that being said, I simply didn’t care why my intern wasn’t going to be out today. I didn’t care if she got sick on the plane, if she was still held up in Cancun, or whether ravenous ants were digesting her body as we spoke on the phone. All I know is that she wasn’t going to be in today. And I had to actually do my own work.

she actually said avian flu? then she must be dead by now.

hahaha... When I call in sick, I call in the second I wake up (extreme morning voice makes you sound like death warmed over. If I'm really prepared, I'll set my alarm and call extremely early. Like, 5am). I say I have a "stomach thing" or whatever, and that, really, I'll try to come in this afternoon, I promise, and that if they need something, please call me, please... and then I go back to sleep.

And I'm usually calling from another city. I love cell phones.

I do the same as Marcia. This especially works if the sickness may have been caused by a hangover, as your boss will clearly be so happy that Janis Joplin (because that's what my hangover voice sounds like) came back from the dead to call you out sick that he won't ask a single question.

My boss was just complaining the other day because someone who called in sick expalined the symptoms, including the puking. What is wrong with people?

I just say I'm sick and call me if there is an emergency. Then hang up. No explanations, no graphic descriptions.

i've never not been the boss. i just don't show up.

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  • I'm young, single, got a great ass, a serial dater, a sometimes drunk, addicted to the gym, liable to make fat girls cry, have a mild ED, think Notre Dame is the greatest college and Texas is the greatest state. Currently at a standstill since moving from Detroit Area, Michigan (tons of yuppies) to Mason, MI (noted KKK presence). Come be a part of my random, shocking, and exciting world.
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